


Ties That Bind; Break

by Igot2peedou



Category: Naruto
Genre: BAMF Haruno Sakura, Bad Ass, F/M, Friendship, OG ass Sakura, Sakura kicks ass, WIP, bitch is gonna learn, frienships, yeah boi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-05-13 05:33:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 50,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14742894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Igot2peedou/pseuds/Igot2peedou
Summary: She severs their ties, decidingly, not because of Sasuke. Well. Not for the reason Ino suspects (but Sakura never clarifies, and that is lying by omission. isn't it?)~~~Sakura Haruno can’t help but feel. Not only her emotions but other peoples emotions. She is always prone to crying and for good reason— she can’t shut others emotions and must deal with her own and those closest to her (relationship wise.) Because a painfully tragic incident involving her father’s murder Sakura can no longer handle her “gift” and does the only thing that will stop her suffering.She commits social suicide, and lets her best friend think she ended their friendship over a boy. This is her story....





	1. The Breaking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She severs their ties, decidingly, not because of Sasuke. Well. Not for the reason Ino suspects (but Sakura never clarifies, and that is lying by omission. isn't it?)
> 
> ~~~
> 
> Sakura has a secret, a secret that can get her killed.

 

The whispers have always been there (she has only begun to question them.)

 

She severs their ties, decidingly, not because of Sasuke. Well. Not for the reason Ino suspects (but Sakura never clarifies, and that is lying by omission. isn't it?) 

"From this day forward we’re rivals.” Sakura dodges Ino’s trembling hand, can imagine the splitting of the sun— of Ino’s emotional fall out. And... and she won’t, not after papa. So she watches Ino sit ramrod straight, head held high, exuding what could be mistaken as confidence (but she knows. Knows, her heart is being stomped on, trampled like _unwanted weeds when goddamnit I’m a flower_!) 

“I’m tired of hiding in your shadow,” Sakura drives the nail in their coffin after pushing Ino and those blue blue eyes out.

 

”Fine,” Ino snaps. “I don’t need you anyway.” She hesitates before throwing in, “Forehead.” 

The insult settles like spoiled milk, Ino’s lips press together. She’s one sentence away from takening it all back. That won’t do. “Goodbye Ino.” 

Each step away from the blond is bitter success. Inch by inch her bestrfriend rolls the boulder in front of her tomb (shards of hot confusion, _why_ , betrayal. silky red ribbon) Soon her friend’s emotions fade, blinking off her radar. 

 

Almost like the blurring of seasons, she doesn’t notice the transition at first. Ino is assertive knows what she wants who she is where her place is in the world. Sakura learns that Ino is teeth and nails, flower chains and nail polish. Friendship with Ino is exhilarating. Sleepovers, movie dates, trash talking. Ino ties Sakura’s ribbon soft in her hair, cackles at Chouji and Shikamaru’s jokes, _her_ jokes— so Sakura let’s Ino hold her hand, fix her hair, give her hugs and all of that is okay, it doesn’t hurt anything...

 

(she pretends she doesn’t know the rules, that if she ignores them it will be okay it _will_.) 

until.

 

Until a familiar constant buzz, (whispers)— feedback.

 

It’s an average day in the Academy. Iruka- sensei lectures them on something she already knows, so she’s doodling in her notebook, and that is when it hits her. Not like a tidal wave or a sledgehammer. It is much slower but equally as painful. 

 

(It’s why she knows before Ino does, and she ignores that too. Who cares? She’s just imagining things—) 

 

The accumulation of Ino’s infatuation swells to a suffocating presence that Sakura can no longer ignore. At first she thinks it’s a fluke. It has to be. Only mama and papa are always on her radar, whispers don’t work like this!

Sakura blinks down at her notebook, desperately searching for an explanation. The anniversary of papa’s death is coming up... she’s overwhelmed. Her mind is playing tricks. Anything but this... Ino is **not** on her radar!

Fluttery weight travels up, up, up, _isn’t he_ — settles in the furrows of her cheeks— _dreamy?_  

Sakura squeaks. Hysteria rising, the feelings won’t go away— he scowls down at her like she has truly scorned him and, oh Sasuke is looking at me— no! _These feelings aren’t mine!_

 

can hardly contain her howls. _sasukeistopstudentheissocoolmaybeonedaynonomarry_  

“Sakura are you okay?”

Eruptly the feelings recede, in it's place, curious concern. Sakura’s chair grates cruelly against the floor. Voices fade. All eyes are on her. She dashes to the door, Ino’s feelings flat tiring her doggedly before the channel is cut flat.

 

 

(she digs her fingers in the soil of his grave, everything is blessedly blessedly quiet. Because he isn’t **here**. There is no feedback. only her pain.) Sakura’s fingertips are rubbed raw after tracing papa’s name. She hates herself. What kind of kid is happy their dad is dead?

 

(the kind who knows how it feels to die. Who felt every minute detail of terror, the realization _i’m d—_ )

 

and she cries.

because she promised herself never again. So she can’t be friends with Ino. Every friendship; anyone who gets close, it will always end the same. Sun gathers at the crest of the beginning of the end. 


	2. Inheritance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They’re weeks away from graduating, she’s managed to fly under the radar— until she spars against the Uchiha. His deepest most frequent emotions are exposed to her and Sakura understands his disposition. Sasuke’s clan was slaughtered. 
> 
> Or 
> 
> Because mother won’t understand, not from lack of trying but because all she’s inherited from mama’s family is her pink hair and love for dango. It’s the nameless clan the one papa has ran from and hid in a nondescript village under a nondiscript civilian wife, that’s where she has inherited this... this curse from. And mama will never understand.

 

She seems to be doing a lot of running as of late. Wet saliva builds at the back of her throat— Sakura grips over her feet trying to make it deeper into the woods before hurling and she doesn’t make it. 

Her nose stings, disgusting brown dribbles out. Tears gather in her vision and she gasps around the vile taste. 

 

Wrong, so wrong. 

 

No one expected her to win. Taijutsu is her worst subject, and there was no way she would win against an Uchiha. But she had to try. 

Ino and the other girls had been jeering, declaring their “love” and devotion for Sasuke. He made no indication that he heard the girls. Didn’t seem to give a shit that she was in the ring. They made the sign of confrontation before proceeding. He eyes her disinterestedly and maybe it’s not a big deal. Iruka-sensei shouts to begin the match. Sasuke was upon within seconds. Dodging— she was good at that coincidentally, it takes a lot to avoid contact in crowds— Sakura narrowly avoids a jab to the temple.

”Rrgg, shannaro!”

His eyes widen, yeah not expecting that were you!— his momentum carries him too far forward, (expecting her to be taken out in the one punch fashion her usual quota against gifted adversaries) and there’s her chance! Sakura slams her elbow into  his ear with as much force she can muster. 

Her visions flips, pain so much pain ( _mother! Father_!) 

She freezes. Anguish, oh Kami oh Kami please not now— her insides invert, everyone she knows dead! Sakura stumbles, nearly keels over. 

Sasuke slips a foot between hers, hooks it behind one and jerks. Fingers curl in her long long hair, slamming his off knee into her face. Teeth bite into her lips and she tastes blood but more importantly— 

he presses her body cruelly into the ground. She is just short of sobbing, lowly at first but then louder in a familiar mantra. 

 

“Don’t touch me don’t touch me don’t TOUCH ME!”

 

Blindly wrenching away— (her bone cracks in his arm lock, he loosens the grip momentarily. backs away) she screams in pain scrambling on knees and hand like an injured animal. And his eyes are blown wide open— Sakura sprints through the opening towards the forest.

 

 

 

He finds her there. Vomit and blood dripping down her chin, arm radiating all kinds of pain.

“S... Sakura?”

Her eyes loll to the source, adrenaline spent, she wouldn’t be able to run even if she tries.

“Sakura?”

She hardly flinches when he hesitantly touches her shoulder.

A fat wet tear rolls down her cheek. ( _Are you okay are you okay_ — horror) “Please don’t touch me,” she whispers. 

Shikamaru withdrawls his touch almost instantaneously. “What happened? Hey look at me—!” He crouches, leaning as close as he dares. Sakura isn’t comfortable with his proximity (it's been years and she doesn’t know Shikamaru half as well as Ino but what if he’ll be on her radar just from this?) His ponytail is mussed far more than usual, indicating... indicating that he skipped out on Taijutsu practice for a nap? Or cloud watching. She wonders why she’s hanging onto these minute details. 

“...You’re going to be alright, I’ll get Iruka-sensei.” 

Sakura blinks slowly at him half of his words lost in translation. “No. Stay with me,” Sakura begs. The pain must be getting to her because  she almost reaches out for him, she— she just doesn’t want to be alone. 

He looks at her and the direction of the Academy. 

 

Shikamaru flares his chakra brightly, a call for help. “Hey don’t fall asleep. I don’t know what to do but, don’t do that.”

(he doesn’t try to touch her again but he stays and stays. “So you weren’t asleep that lesson.” Shikamaru gives her a look of pinched exasperation)

He hands her a handkerchief. “Got some,” he motions towards his own face, “right here.” 

Mopping her face with little to no precision her lips feel swollen and raw. She curls her lips in a shallow smile from around the handkerchief at Shikamaru in thanks. His brows are furrowed deeply and he looks like he’s going to loose his shit pretty soon too. Her smile quickly morphs into a shudder of pain, arm pulsing violently. Sakura wheezes in attempt to center herself in the present. 

 

 

 

 

She’s peering through half lidded eyes up at Iruka-sensei when she realizes he intends to pick her up. That would be okay if that didn’t include touching her but as is— “Get away from me!” Sakura throws herself to the side, the wrong side— lands painfully on her injured arm. 

She utters a scream. 

“... She doesn’t want to be touched she wouldn’t let me and obviously doesn’t want you to either. Sensei!” 

 Shikamaru is ordered to step back.

 

The last thing she sees is Iruka-sensei’s wide nose scar. (last thing she feels is a diligent sense of duty and worry)

 

 

Hospitals. Never made it outside enough to wake up in one like most kids. The closest she’s been is annual check ups. Sakura isn’t sure if she should be proud or disappointed that this is her first time waking up in one. Sakura stares up at the tiled white ceiling, feels mama blink onto her radar, and she just waits. 

Accusatory. Like a jagged cross between question and exclamation with a lot of relief. (and so much sadness.) 

 

“Mama.” 

Her mom crosses the room in three swift steps, envelopes Sakura into an embrace. The feeling amplify into love, happiness, anger, grief— a mixed bag of everything. Who needs an assortment of flowers when her mother is a boquite of emotion in of herself? 

Sakura hugs her mother back, notices the cast on her right arm. 

 

( _mother. Father_ )

 

“You never told me it could get this bad. Your... teachers made me meet with them, I had to lie.” 

Lips, busted as ever, press together. “I didn’t know. The Uchiha, the clan...” 

but she doesn’t finish. Because mother won’t understand, not from lack of trying but because all she’s inherited from mama’s family  is her pink hair and love for dango. It’s the nameless clan the one papa has ran from and hid in a nondescript village under a nondiscript civilian wife, that’s where she has inherited this... this curse from. And mama will never understand. 

 

She understands loneliness, even before papa was murdered, Sakura supposes. Heartbreak came after and mama knew it well and so Sakura had to also by the nature of the beast.

(And the abscence? 

 _My father_. I learned it from my father.)

 

 

Words aren’t needed. Mama doesn’t talk on the way home. Hasn’t talked much since papa, anyway. The pattern is well worn carpet but it doesn’t stop mama from being incredibly loud. She’s always there, on her radar. Sakura wonders if mama doesn’t talk because she knows anymore noise will drive her insane. Can she see it? Tell by the blank look on her face on how compromised she is? 

 

Sakura can’t curl her hand into a fist, fingers barely respond to her commands in the first place. The cast is neon pink. 

 

 

Papa only ever made it to the first stage. That’s why his clan never looked to hard for him, he would tell her, because he could only feel with direct contact. She was special. (His special little girl)

that was abundantly clear. 

 

His brother and sister made it to the second stage as adults— as far as he knew, her ability to feel her closest companions at her age was rare. 

And she had been proud, papa was in awe. Mama thought it was so neat. So what she was prone to crying? Little girl ire meant nothing when she knew their anger was only a misdirection, something to bury broken homes and general discontent. Sakura was comfortable with her insight, it made the world... safe.

 

 

papa, murdered in a raid. 

 

 

 

Sakura clutches the picture frame on her dresser in her left hand. Stares at the happy clueless Harunos. The trio are smiling, the parents in an almost doleful quality while the smallest member is basically cheesing it with all her might. Sakura drops the frame onto her  chest, it makes a small thud. She succumbed to sleep in that position, hoping for a dreamless slumber.

 

 

 

The red dress clashes shamelessly with her pink cast. Frowning, Sakura peers closer at the mirror. Not only does her dress clash with her cast it clashes with her hair! She groans at the realization. The dress had been a gift from her parents, made out of imported goods, but wow. And she had no sleeves or gloves— her calves are exposed to touch... she can’t wear this anymore. All it took was one touch from... from that boy and she had felt everything. Clothes won’t help, she reminds herself, Shikamaru had touched her covered shoulder and he could be felt too. 

But that wasn’t right either. 

When she wore jackets in crowds if she didn’t feel skin nothing made it onto her radar. Now that she thinks about it, the same goes for Ino. To a further extent— so, old mutual friend Shikamaru counted because of their old friendship. 

Her temples began to ring with all the reaching. Why couldn’t have papa just told her all of the rules? Or left her a scroll— or not have run away from the only clan who could have helped her ( or not have _died_ ) 

Sakura glares at her reflection, as if she could force her traitorous thoughts into submission.

 

So what, he didn’t leave a scroll or a how to guide? Doesn’t  mean she’s helpless. I’ll make my own, she decides. 

 

And that’s why she’s in a shop instead of the Academy. 

Sakura runs her fingers over the rich materials until it reaches the ninja section. The material ranges from thick to slick and durable. Sakura smiles at the thought of wearing form fitting pants like some of the more bold Shinobi but rests the idea quickly. She’s too young for that. (She ignores how much it excites her, how it pierces through all of the indecision and confusion of the past few days— it could be something that is purely her choice) Maybe later when she graduates. 

As of now though, Sakura settles on black pants with a godly amount of pockets. The pants have buckles mid calf, above the knee, and zippers at her thighs. She thinks that’s pretty cool, depending on the weather she can sport capris, long shorts, or she can zip the long material off and be left with even shorter shorts. Sakura doubts she’ll utilize it, her wardrobe change is invoked with the need for less skin exposure after all, but still. It’s cool. 

Slinging her chosen pants over her shoulder Sakura makes her way to the shirt section. There are muted greens, blacks, and browns. She makes a bee line to the green section and is half through that rack when she discovers a tantalizing navy blue. It’s deep, not deep enough to be mistaken for black, it has full sleeves and everything. 

“Can I have four pairs of these outfits? On the Haruno tab please.”

The shopkeeper nods. “Shouldn’t you be in school?”

”I’ve been sick, last day off and all,” she gestured to her outfit and gives him a smile that says ‘What Can I do?’ 

Her next trip takes up less time. Sakura holds open the shop door patiently for a couple to exit, they thank her, and isn’t she nice? (Really she just doesn’t want them to bump into her)

 

The smell of ink is almost calming as it wafts all around. Empty scrolls await her and she’s tempted to buy one. A green journal catches her eye. It’s not fancy or leather bound but it’s matte and, hopefully waterproof? Sakura smiles as she caresses the cover. Now what? Should she learn code so her secrets won’t get out? No— code deciphering is a common trait all Shinobi’s know. 

“Uh, ma’m? Is there any um,” 

But she must be completely obvious, with her journal clutched to her chest, and the stuttering mess she is. 

“I have just the thing for you girly.” The shopkeeper bends under the counter briefly before coming in hand with an odd brown bottle of ink. Sakura wrinkles her nose at the color but feigns interest, there’s no need to be rude. 

“What’s that?”

”You’re Academy, right? Well this here is disappearing ink. It’s gone until you use chakra to make the writing reappear. 

Sakura's mouth pops open. “No way.”

The woman is all smiles when she rings up Sakura’s supplies. Sakura carefully hands the woman her money (don’t touch don’t touch) and, it’s so cool! 

 

Sakura practically skips home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aye yo ma. Hope y’all are enjoying the premise of this story. Just btw it’s been 3-4 days before Sakura has the whole new wardrobe/ I’ll make my own guide epiphany. She’s pretty much been wallowing in what she saw and felt from Sasuke in the days you don’t see. 
> 
> When she goes out she is trying to focus on the present and what she CAN do to make her life better, and is ignoring the incident purposesly as a coping mechanism. This Sakura also doesn’t have confidence issues over her forehead because when the bullies would scratch/push her etc. she could feel why they were really doing these mean things to her, and that led her to understand it wasn’t her that was the problem, she was just an outlet to the girls frustrations. 
> 
> Super important to understand cos yes Sakura is vulnerable in some ways but that won’t be a problem in this story. 
> 
> Also we don’t see any of the consequences of what happened in this chapter but it’ll be coming soon lmao. Also there was a huge timeskip, first chapter Sakura and co. was around ten.


	3. Blood Limit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I miss my dad,” because he drags it out of her (because she’s tired of this hollow cavity aching in her chest and nothing is the same) 
> 
>  
> 
> and Iruka-sensei understands. it matches up with her alibi. (He adjusted her form once and she felt the wound a whole family left behind)

 

In normal ink she scribbles her name in thin bunched strokes. Sakura Haruno. She blows on the ink, it shines like beetle eyes.

And then she writes with the special ink. The stages— Kami, she hopes she’ll never make it to the third— and. Like poisonous gas reality begins to seep in. The Uchihas. 

He hadn’t been dwelling on his family when she elbowed him. So why did she get (dead bodies everywhere and _mother! f—_ )

 

 

_you don’t always feel their current emotions. I felt what haunts Sasuke Uchiha, the massacre of his family_. Sakura’s penmanship is rushed and messy, reflecting her own desire to finish to be done with her discoveries and the fact she had to write with her left hand. _That has never happened before... I think traumatic events influence what the feed picks up on. This is the first time I’ve been close enough to feel anything from Uchiha._

 

_I can’t make the whispers stop. Mama never end and I felt papa— every moment, the realization of the end. Mama yelled to go away but I couldn’t and there was blood and that’s why I can’t be friends with Ino. Or anyone. The second stage, papa says, is when the attachments you develope begin to filter into your conscious. It never stops._

_When I broke it off with Ino it took weeks for her to disappear from my radar. I don’t have to touch her now to hear whispers, if I’m close enough the old attachments like, migrate all her emotions to me._

_I’m scared._

_I hate how I felt! His emotions are his I don’t want them but they’re here! With me and I close my eyes and I can feel— I can’t read his mind but the emotions of others influence what I think and, that’s a pretty good idea of what they are thinking if I feel it, you know? It’s not fair!_

_Papa isn’t here to help me and mama can’t comprehend the heaviness this puts on me... Papa never called it a Blood limit but if this doesn’t count as one I don’t know what does. I’m basically illegal, all blood limits have to be registered. It’s too late now and everyone is suspicious after what happened at the Academy! I don’t know what to do._

 

_But mama did damage control. She says I’m having nightmares about papa, because I saw him being assaulted. Saw those men kill him. She’s lying but of course what really happened is worse. So they think I’m traumatized and will have to get therapy or bye bye Shinobi career._

_I bought clothes that will prevent skin to skin contact, and hopefully that will be enough for anyone that isn’t Ino, Shikamaru(?), Choji too probably and mama._

 

She sets down her pen. The ink begins to fade. 

 

 

Early or late they’ll be gawking at her anyway. Sakura wears her new pants but wears a white tee, she’d look goofy trying to wear her new shirt with her bulgy cast on. She grabs her journal and the rest of her supplies before heading out— mama is already gone, she always leaves before she does.

 

real whispers. Not her kind, but the literal ones. Boys and girls unabashedly whisper about her as she trudges to her seat. Sakura tries not to mind, it isn’t everyday a pre-graduate has an episode like a Shinobi fresh out of war. (can feels eyes burning on the back of her neck, zeroing in)

 

Naruto approaches her, hesitantly. They’re the only ones in the immediate front. Even if they’re at two seperate tables. 

“Sakura-chan are you... better now?” 

He itches the back of his neck and it must be a nervous tick. 

Is she better? 

“Sign my cast Naruto,” she redirects, handing him a Sharpie. He brightens considerably. “Wow! Am I the first one to sign it? Thanks Sakura-chan.” He sticks his tongue out as he writes his name. She smiles at his concentration and his dependable attention span. She feels kind of bad. If she wasn’t such a coward they could have been friends. (But she made that mistake once and his feelings were colorful exuberant but there was more _no one likes me_ )

 

 

There’s a single flower on her desk.

 

Sakurs pretends not to know where it hails from. Naruto chats her eardrums off, drowns out all the other kids, so she listens to him a little harder than usual. Besides they aren’t friends but there’s no reason to be mean to him.

 

Iruka-sensei starts class. She takes sloppy looped notes. Same state as her journal, actually. The neon pink cast bugs her even though she’s practically conditioned to like pink. Sakura doesn’t raise her hand. Iruka-sensei calls on her anyway, as if to establish a sense of normalcy. 

She has to stay in for lunch. 

 

 

“Is everything okay at home?”

”Is anyone hurting you?”

”How do you feel?” 

And what is she suppose to say?

”I miss my dad,” because he drags it out of her (because she’s tired of this hollow cavity aching in her chest and nothing is the same) 

 

and Iruka-sensei understands. it matches up with her alibi. (He adjusted her form once and she felt the wound a whole family left behind) 

 

 

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t visit.” 

Sakura shrugs, ”I was asleep.” 

“I should have came anyway,” Shikamaru argues.

”Look, we’re not friends. I’m not your responsibility— so go worry about Ino and her eating disorder.” 

She doesn't really know why she says it, why she snaps. But she’s done with questions and everyone’s worry. Her sympathy quota has been met for today. And it kind of feels good even if she does know where that flower came from. 

Shikamaru glares at her, looks like he’s going to say something equally as cruel but maybe founded in truth, unlike her jab at Ino. Instead  he shakes his head and walks away, muttering a few choice words but he’s gone (and gone and gone). 

 

 

She‘s never noticed how much she relies on her arm. It seems like a no brainer, of course she needs her fucking dominant hand. (She also wonders when cursing became a thing for her.) 

Medics are reserved for the big leagues, so she had been treated the old fashioned way. The civilian way.

Sakura ghosts her restrained fingers across her scabbing lips, pondering. She looks at the Academy window panes. At the distorted girl looking back at her. Her cast and hair stand out against her standard apparel, and isn’t she just the walking contradiction? 

 

There’s something entirely hardening inside her but she doesn’t know what

 

 

 

 

 

Lonely. 

 

Books don’t whisper. She touches them as if it can make up for all the human contact she’ll never have. For all the friendships that have up and died. (For all the loneliness Sakura can’t speak of)

 

 

but a a kunai feels even better in her hand, even if it’s the wrong one.

she’s entirely incompetent with throwing with her left but Taijutsu practice is long and she gets the targets all to herself.

 

Iruka-sensei says to meditate, expand her chakra reserves— yes it’s boring, but she needs to make up for what she lacks. 

 

Weeks. Literally four weeks.

 

her nose is buried in a book or she’s practicing outside (Kami knows she can’t go home. Not home to mama) and. Meditating. She’s always thought of herself as patient. She has a large attention span, ok? It’s not her fault meditating is so boring!

 

sitting serene in the sunshine loses its novelty after the hundredth time you sit down to do it. She doesn’t it anyway, and she’s still probably below average preserves. She takes her complaints up with Iruka-sensei but he says, “That’s all you can do for now Sakura. When your arm heals you can work on your stamina and strength. Physical exercise increases chakra production.”

 

of course it does.

 

and considering she never excerices herself into exhaustion, no wonder her dumb civilian chakra is nil to none. 

 

The books say it’s not her fault, clan families have natural advantages bla bla. She still doesn’t think it’s fair. She has a bloodline which must mean she has a clan so— why is her reserves so small! It’s infuriating. 

And she really didn’t think Naruto signing her cast through. She hardly talks to anyone else besides him, Shino, and Hinata (barely, that is) and they aren’t the type to up and sign an acquaintances cast. Sakura sports her pristine neon eye sore with a boyish scrawl, ‘Naruto’. She’s surprised he didn’t add, ‘Believe it!’ 

 

In short she isn’t sad to see it go, when the doctor busts out his tool and mini chain saws his way through it. 

 

Her arm is tiny. Pink arm hair glistens under the lights. Dead skin gives way under her fingernails when she scratches it. All in all she’s happy, now the real training can begin— not that she can get much in. Next week will decided who graduates. Her arm may not be up to par (yet) but Sakura is ready.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment and critique. Got thiiiiiis. What do y’all think about think about Sakura so far? Lol isn’t it funny Naruto was the only one she had sign her cast? Oof lol.


	4. Team Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world seems to darken, Kakashi stocks out of seemingly nowhere. Sakura scowls. Her fist curls around the chopsticks. Dropping into a defensive postistion in front of Naruto she spares a glance at her other teammate. He hadn’t noticed their sensei either.
> 
> Another genjustu than. 
> 
> ~~
> 
> Finally graduated, Sakura hopes that things will start looking up— unfortunately, she happens to be placed on the same team as the Uchiha and Naruto. How can she move on from her past with the tragic whispers lingering around him?

 

Her stamina is dismal.

It would be funny if it wasn’t her, but as is... it is her. She falls into a regime, to strengthen her body and improve her stamina. She doesn’t have enough time to improve everything but doing something feels good. Things are looking up, she’s actually hopeful, she can put her past behind her and her team will succeed.

 

And then she’s put on a team with Naruto. Which, isn’t so bad, he’s someone she can live with— but then Iruka-sensei calls out the last Uchiha’s name. Her blood runs cold. That. Is not correct. Sakura makes panicked eye contact with Iruka-sensei. He avoids looking at her but gives her an encouraging smile that is as half hearted as it gets.

Naruto turns to her, hollering how cool it they’re on the same team. 

She’s been avoiding the Uchiha for a reason. Iruka-sensei allowed it— for some reason they’re on the same team now? Nothing is adding up. Familiar holes are drilled in the back of her neck, he isn’t too happy about their arrangement either. 

Sakura is not afraid. She is not. The classroom empties as the other teams get picked up, and she has to keep reminding herself that she is not afraid. Sakura almost believes it until they are the last ones in the room. Iruka-sensei pulls Naruto aside before leaving them too.  

“I’m going to prank him so hard, believe it!” 

And he actually succeeds. Sakura is less amused by the chalk doused Jounin than Naruto is but she snickers anyway. He is severely late. As their meeting continues she learns how aloof their new sensei is. He seems like he doesn’t want to be here. They have to introduce themselves, which is dumb, how could they get through the Academy without knowing one another?

 

Their introductions sum up their individual qualities pretty well. Kakashi-sensei reveals nothing but his name and Naruto rants about ramen and his aspirations to become Hokage. Sakura is torn between admiring his will to see the best in life and being put off by... by his ability to do so, and be extremely annoying while doing it. She’s next. What is there to say? 

That she hears whispers? If I touch you I might scream? 

“I like to read and train. I... dislike...” she can’t list whispers, because what person says that? “My dream is to become a great Shinobi and protect those who need it.”

 

Uchiha goes next. 

His words pale in comparison to what she had felt so it doesn’t surprise her when he says he has to kill a certain man. 

 

 

 

She isn’t going to pretend that she knows what the Bell test is all about. She’s as flabbergasted as her teammates. They graduated and now they’ll be sent back if they don’t pass? No way. She may not have taken the physical aspects of being a Shinobi until recently but damnit if she hasn’t put in the work to at least become a genin.

 

She nurtures her indignation right along with Naruto, trying to drown out other pressing matters— namely the prominent fear of the Uchiha’s emotions, and she shouts just as loud if not louder at Kakashi-sensei for being late. And then he has the whole only two bell gag and something about come at him with the intent to kill.

isnt that laughable!

 

Naruto doesn’t think so because he really goes for it but Sakura knows better. She ditches her teammates to their own devices and runs.

 

 

 

Papa lays broken, leaned up against a tree. He clutches his gut. “Papa!” Sakura is by his side, he holds her hand and it’s so slick and warm. Iron thick is in the air— tears stream down her face. Not papa!

and the life is fading from his eyes, dimming like a lightbulb running out of electricity.

Grief, straight and true consumes her.

(but it’s all wrong, because even as she embraces his dying body she does not feel a single whisper.)

“Kai!”

 

She’s in the middle of a clearing, not a dying man in sight. Much less her father.

 

Sakura marches out of the forest, past the Uchiha up to his neck underground, shoves Naruto clones out of her way.

 

“You bastard!”

Kakashi-sensei doesn’t even raise his eye from the dumb book of his.

“Sakura-san,” Naruto gapes, he’s never heard her curse before, or look this angry. He thinks she might be having another episode like in that spar. Naruto edges closer to her staying in her peripheral— Iruka-sensei had pulled him aside to speak to him about her and he said to always stay in her line of sight.

 

“I hate you!”

 

Sakura lunges at her teacher. He sidesteps easily, raising an appalled brow. “What seems to be the problem?”

But she’s beyond words.

He dodges seamlessly, with hardly any effort, and never takes his eyes off his book

She has never been so angry. She wants him to hurt, to try to shove the insides of his loved ones back into their stomachs, to intimately know how it feels to die— to see them die over and over again.

 

Kakashi stills. (she hears thousands of birds chirping) as she makes contact.

 

There’s a fleshy smack, his palm aches. Only a little but more than he expected it would from this student. Naruto rushes to her side, and Kakahi notes that... she was only able to hit him because of a genjutsu?

 

 

She has near perfect chakra control, if she can cast a genjustu while simentatously engaging in battle. A skill that isn’t taught in the Academy curriculum— Kakashi blinks down at his two students, one who is yelling profanities at him (Naruto this time, he notes).

Distantly he hears the alarm go off. “Lunch time,” he cheerfully exclaims.

 

 

Sakura stares at the box of bento. She feels too sullen to eat anything from that bastard. “Here, Naruto,” she balances rice and chicken on her chopsticks in offering.

 

“That’s against the rules.” Of all the things Sasuke could say, that’s it.

Sakura glares at him before returning her attention back to the blond. “I don’t want it.” 

“Hehe, thanks Sakura-chan but you’ll get in trouble...” His stomach rumbles loudly. His mouth falls open at the inopportune interruption, Sakura shoves the food in his mouth impatiently. 

 

The world seems to darken, Kakashi stocks out of seemingly nowhere. Sakura scowls. Her fist curls around the chopsticks. Dropping into a defensive postistion in front of Naruto she spares a glance at her other teammate. He hadn’t noticed their sensei either.

Another genjustu than. 

“...You all,” the thunder booms around him, dark grey puckering with unshed rain, “pass.” He tilts his head back, eye crinkling at the trio as rain clouds disperse. 

His false persona puts her on edge. It appears that Kakashi is all thunder and no lightening— (she holds papa in her arms, his last breath shuddering through his body. again) The chopsticks make a neat snapping noise. Sakura tries to wipe the simmering fury off her face but it doesn’t seem to convince anybody.

 

 

“If we’re going to be a team let’s talk about our skill set.” 

“Ugh— well can one of you cut me off! The rope is really starting to chaff!” 

Uchiha, no, Sasuke snorts without humor, “I don’t think so Dead Last.” 

Kakashi makes no move to cut Naruto down and he doesn’t chastise Sasuke either. Great. Without turning around Sakura makes quick work of the ropes with a single slash of a kunai. Unfortunately Naruto hadn’t been expecting her to help him, his body drops like a sack of potatoes. He starts to grumble as he pushes himself to his feet. Sakura angles her body away from him to make room so they can circle up. 

“Thanks Sakura-chan,” Naruto grumbles. 

“Now. We’ll discuss the strengths and weakness I have observed thus far.”

She hates him almost as much as she is wary of Sasuke. That can’t be healthy— or professional. As a daughter of merchants and a former paper ninja driven girl, Sakura knows a lot about professionalism. Of manners. But if the past years of solitude has taught her anything, manners don’t mean shit. Doesn’t matter. She doesn’t need to play nice, but she can’t let her feelings hinder her job (it’s not even _her_ feelings she’s worried about.) 

 

“All three of you... show promise. Naruto what you lack in brains you make up in chakra, if your Shadow Clones are anything to go by. However you lack face,” Naruto’s face screws up at the criticism but Kakashi continues his evulation. “No self respecting shinobi is a servant to emotion.” His eye flickers to Sakura.

 

oh the irony. 

 

“Sasuke, you had a solid strategy but arrogance and overestimating your own abilities hindered your preformance. Your fire jutsu was well honed and will be useful in coming missions.”

He faces her head on. “Sakura. You abandoned your teammates. You disabled my genjutsu but every second counts, you’d be dead if I was a real enemy. The attacks were sloppy and blinded by anger.” 

 

Abandoned her teammates? No way! With the information he gave them it was every man for themselves! If she “abandoned” her teammates than so did Sasuke. And duh duh and duh! Of course she was angry— after what he made her see— Sakura grits her teeth but nods at his summary. She already knew she needs to improve on her taijutsu. 

“You were able to land a blow and that’s more than others can say.” 

 

“All three of you don’t comprehend the meaning of teamwork. None of you attempted to aid one another. You pass due to sheer luck.” 

 

She’ll show him luck. “Hey watch what you’re saying! I’m going—“ Naruto voices his opinion about being talked down on. Kakashi cuts Naruto off midrant, telling them to meet for training at eight o’clock. 

 

Sakura is in no mood for ramen and she stiffly rain checks. At least she didn’t outright reject his proposition like Kakashi and Sasuke did. Naruto isn’t deterred though, he rattles out something about Iruka-sensei and is off. Sasuke stalks off in the distance, and the only two left on their training grounds is her and Kakashi. 

Frowning, she brings her attention to him,” Sensei?”

”Who taught you genjutsu Sakura?”

”No one. I know Academy basics,” which for the record is recognizing, dispelling, and theory of how to create one. She can do all and a little bit more but genjutsu specialists are rare and not top priority in the Academy. 

He hums. “Well your records do say you are a genjutsu type. Ma, Sakura I won’t mind if you did get outside help but genin aren’t allowed to be taught Hell view genjutsu. You’re not in trouble.”

what?

”I’m not lying sensei. I only know Academy basics. Can I be dismissed now?”

 

He turns away in answer, a twist of leaves left in his place. Sakura rolls her eyes before turning towards home. What was he even talking about? So what she could dispel genjutsu, every academy student can. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey yo! I’m on a roll— mostly cos I’m avoiding responsibilities such as studying for finals!!! (Such a bad habit lmao) but yeah, hope everyone is enjoying the story so far. Thanks to the people that are commenting it means a lot.  
> ~~  
> His false persona puts her on edge. It appears that Kakashi is all thunder and no lightening— (she holds papa in her arms, his last breath shuddering through his body. again)
> 
> ^ “All thunder and no lightening” which is saying he’s all talk, which we know is incorrect and only something Sakura suspects. This is wear things differ, Team Seven will get a bit of training but I mean it’ll be standard... for now.


	5. A Great Shinobi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ire burns through her. Fuck him— what kind of teammate says that? What has she ever done to him? (Stop! Please) 
> 
> Sasuke sneers at her. She does probably look pretty barbaric, playing in mud and all. But Sakura challenged him. There’s no time to buy gloves or back out. And she wouldn’t balk even if it would make her a millionaire. He’s going to eat it. The method looks weird and might not work, but mud will be a sufficient barrier between skin. And there’s no way they have an actual attachment so he won’t register on her radar just because of proximity. Not full proof but good enough considering she thought it up on the fly.
> 
> She will be a great Shinobi. His assumptions can taste her fist.

 

 

 

”Awh, c’mon Sakura-chan you can do it!”

Her arms dangerously wobble, mere inches away from toppling. “Sh-shut up Naruto I know I can,” she huffs. The boys flew through  the two hundred push ups like they were nothing. And her she can barely hit 150. Fuck.  

The core exercises were easy. There wasn’t much else to do when her arm was broken. Sit ups, crunches, squats no sweat. She practically has a six pack (albeit a baby looking one) if she keeps her shit up, but her upper body strength? Not so much.

”Pfft. Let’s go Dobe. She isn’t going to finish.” 

 

A renewed vigor courses through her screaming muscles— screw him! He’s the reason she has no biceps to speak of! If she hadn’t broken her arm... Sweat beads at her temple, reminding her she does not have time for inner monologues. 

188 189... 190

She’s not going to make it ...195 196 197— 198 199... her muscles strain to push herself back up, she can do it!— Her arms give out half way.

 

”mother fucker,” Sakura wheezes into the ground. She wants to curl into a ball and die. 

Instead she gathers herself and what’s left of her dignity up and makes her way to the rest of the team. Kakashi (she refuses to call him sensei in her head) crinkles his eye at her. “Glad you could join us.”

She feels to much like a flaying mass of muscle to respond in kind. 

“We’ll head to the Missions tower now.” He promptly dissapites into leaves. Great.

 

Naruto and Sasuke argue the whole way. She’s expected him to act this way but she wonders why Sasuke even bothers. Whatever the reason she’s grateful. Neither bother her when they’re occupied with each other. Of course, she speaks too soon.

 

 

 

He tried to use her as a body shield!

Naruto firmly grasps her by the shoulders, manuavering her side to side to prevent any attacks from Sasuke. His hands are really warm, small but firm and hey this isn’t so bad— snapping out of it Sakura whirls. Twisting his covered arm in almost elegant manner that is only disturbed by the brutal slamming of his body to the ground. 

 

He gasps like a fish (shit the wind is knocked out of him?) confusion written clear across his face. She backs away from him and Sasuke who’s standing still in front of Naruto.

”Don’t touch me,” she scolds, the familiar demand on her lips before she can think of an excuse. If she could feign disgust or dislike for him as the other citizens do her actions wouldn’t be questioned. But Sakura has never treated Naruto like them and he knows it. 

Possibilities flicker through her mind at hyper speed. 

Dark eyes study her. “What’s wrong with you?” 

 

His voice is short of accusation and lacks demand that would infer he cared about her man handeling Naruto, and it wasn’t exactly concern either. Disgust? No but... recognition. Sakura tenses— she, she had said the same thing before she ran away from the spar. She had never ran so fast. Couldn’t even remember the flight only being miles deep and how long did it take for Iruka-sensei to find her with Shikamaru?... As if reading her thoughts he continues, “You’re afraid of being touched aren’t you?”

“No!” 

Sasuke quirks a brow, his usual apathetic face morphing into what Sakura could only describe as morbid fascination. Or, the  expression five year olds have on when they burn insects under magnifying glasses. Not cruel, just... explorative.

Naruto stands up, face quizzical as he glance back and forth between the two. He doesn’t seem to pick up on her distress. 

 

The two act as a wonky unit, Naruto a precious curiosity and Sasuke verging on sinsiter. 

“Haha, yeah. That’s so weird Sakura-chan! I don’t like spiders ‘cos they’re really scary—“ the rest of his sentence falls on deaf ears because Sasuke is advancing. “Is that why you freaked out during our spar? How do you ever think you’re going to become a ‘great Shinobi’ if you can’t handle being touched?” He extends his hand out, reaching.

and it’s so close to the true reason that she’s still, willing herself to prove him wrong (maybe if she’s prepared for the whispers it won’t affect her?) 

— his hand stills. “But I could be wrong.” He steps back, a small smirk on his face. “You wouldn’t slow us down, would you Sa-ku-ra?” The moment seems suspended in time. What just happened? All because she couldn’t finish her dumb push ups on time? This is bull shit! 

“Fight me. Right now,” she snarls.

Sasuke merely raises an eyebrow. “We have a mission to do.”

”Screw that— you want to spend your day chasing after a cat be my guest.” 

He watches her before inclining his head just so. Good.

 

 

 

She unties her shirt from her waist, despite the unbearably hot sun, pulls it over her undershirt.

“Uhh— I don’t think that’s a good idea. You guys we’re only suppose to spar when Kakashi-sensei monitors us! Hey are either of you listening?” Naruto waves his arms in frustration. she sidesteps him, kneels inside the dusty sparring circle.

“What praying for mercy, Sa-ku-ra?”

 

Spilling her canteen of water into the dirt she stares at the swelling mixture of earth and water. The ground sucks the water greedily. Quickly she scoops up the squishy mud. Mashes it between the web of her fingers and up to her wrists.

“Ew what are doing,” Naruto asks.

 

She stands and faces her opponent.

 

Ire burns through her. Fuck him— what kind of teammate says that? What has she ever done to him? ( _You’ve gone insane!_ ) 

Sasuke sneers at her. She does probably look pretty barbaric, playing in mud and all. But Sakura challenged him. There’s no time to buy gloves or back out. And she wouldn’t balk even if it would make her a millionaire. He’s going to eat it. The method looks weird and might not work, but mud will be a sufficient barrier between skin. And there’s no way they have an actual attachment so he won’t register on her radar just because of proximity. Not full proof but good enough considering she thought it up on the fly.

She will be a great Shinobi. His assumptions can taste her fist.

 

“Are you done playing in the dirt?”

 

 

 

Taking the offensive Sakura dashes forward. Feinting right she goes left, swinging with all her might. Sasuke catches her wrist— she lets her body go slack, he’s holding dead weight. He lets her wrist go and for a second she might drop into a useless heap. In the next Sakura arches her back springing into a backflip.

Her feet hardly touch the ground before Sasuke begins throwing punches. She dodges well enough but he begins to increase his speed. Sakura isn’t fast enough to keep this up, and she resorts to blocking with her forearm. “What, am I going to fast? Do I need to go slower,” he taunts. “You’re worst than Dead Last. At least he can keep up, Sakura.”

 

She attempts to kick him but he blocks, throwing her off balance briefly— “Oof!”

 

Sakura’s teeth clack tightly together as he delivers a wicked uppercut. There is no contorting her body, he took her completely by surprise, that was definitely not his style! His fighting style is more refined but maybe he knew she would analyze his style. Either way, her ass bone connects soundly to the packed earth. Grunting she sweeps legs in a semi circle to prevent any attack. Sasuke backs up, hands flying through hand signs— Sakura uses her momentum to swing herself into a standing position.

 

 

The temperature begins to spike, his cheeks blowing with... oh shit!

Tackling Sasuke’s knees the two tumble to the ground, boiling fire roars above head.

 

Leaning her elbow into his stomach with all her weight Sakura shouts intelligible nonsense. In no situation does she win this by conventional means. Not with his superior taijutsu and ninjutsu— hell, in a battle of weight she still loses but it’s not like she can do anything about it now.

Jerking her hair an arms length away Sakura’s vision whitens as she lunges towards it to decrease the pain. Forcing her face down Sasuke kneels ontop of her body, one hand twisted in her hair and the other searching for purchase to trap her completely. Tossing side to side she tries to throw him off. It’s useless! Her arm is forced into a semi painful arm lock. Their position is reminiscent of their last spar and she burns with anger. Fuck— she can’t lose, damnit. (has everything to prove)

 

 

 

Sasuke pants heavily, breath fanning warmly on the back of her neck. Untangling his hand from her hair he presses her neck to the ground. —No!

 

 

(He wants to crush her like a bug _this shouldn’t be hard_ ) Dust smears across her face and— victory, “Don’t even think about it,” (worries she might pull that move again.)

“Shut up!” Bones crack under his palm— disgust and horror, Sasuke rolls away.

“No!”

 

Sakura rolls onto her back, he let her go?

Shakily standing to her feet she watches him warily. Sakura noticed the his dazed look in his eyes, they’re unfocused and he’s muttering something. “Sasuke...?” Carefully approaching the sounds of cracking begins to increase in volume. Oh. It’s almost as if she is seeing double. a continuous replay of her breaking her arm to escape his arm lock but ontop of that she is also aware of their previous predicament, where bones are cracking in each spot he was touching. Blinking hard she is also aware she’s approaching him, the loops begin to intermix—

 

“Kai!”

 

 

 

Kakashi stands between her and Sasuke. Her mouth feels impossibly dry, her body trembles in exertion. What was that? The layers are... just gone. Sakura feels torn between the loops and what is occurring presently. Sensei crouches in front of Sasuke, fiddling with his mask or something but she can’t tell for sure what he is doing. Where had sensei come from? “K... Kakashi-sensei?”

He isn’t listening to her. “Sasuke look at me. That was a bad dream. Sakura gave you a concussion when she tackled you. Go home I will check on you later.”

 

Sasuke leaves without a word. Kakashi messes with his mask again, turning while adjusting his hitatae. Swallowing hard Sakura surveys her surroundings— Naruto isn’t around either. Did he get Kakashi? Where is he now? Is he hurt too? A bad feeling creeps up her spine, settling on her shoulders. Is she in trouble?

 

”You lied to me Sakura.”

“Sensei I wouldn’t lie to you!”

He regards her coldly. “Your lies have endangered a comrade the repricussions—“

”I don’t know what you’re talking about! We were fighting and then...”

(and then he had touched her bare neck.)

 

Tears cloud her vision. He touched her and then the whispers. What happened to Sasuke was her fault!

“Please, I didn’t mean to do it. You have to believe me,” Sakura pleads, really beginning to get worked up. She hurt him just like ( _mother! Father!_ ) oh no oh no not again please

 

 

 

 

Sakura refuses to lift her gaze from her feet. Team Eight do not approach her. Her eyes are red from crying and she’s sniffling like no one’s business. Kakashi had interrupted Team Eight’s training to talk to Kurenai. Off aways they were in a hushed discussion. They have been at it for awhile.

She... she never hurt someone before. It has always been her who was affected by the whispers. Is there more to her blood line than what papa had told her? Is it malevolent? She’s a monster— the triple perspective she experienced makes her head ache just thinking about it. And she... she did it to Sasuke? That’s how Kakashi is framing it at least. Yeah, she dislikes Sasuke for for being the reason Ino was on her radar and when she broke her arm—what he said earlier but she’d never hurt him! Not like this or anything beyond a spar.

 

what if she can’t control herself and she has to be put down or

 

“Sakura, is it? Come with me.”

Team Eight’s sensei, Kurenai gestures her to follow. Giving one last forlorn look at Kakashi she follows the woman.

They don’t go too far. The dark haired woman sits on a bench that has a good view of the field but is also discreetly positioned so they can’t see them. Sakura winces as she sits. her tail bone is probably bruised.

 

“Has anyone taught you genjutsu?”

“No! Only the Academy, I already told Kakashi-sensei that but he doesn’t believe me.”

“If you lie I will find out,” Kurenai’s voice is silky. Sakura isn’t sure if it’s a threat, it sounds like one but she isn’t overly hostile. But that’s also basic information gathering technique so... so she needs to be careful.

”Don't look so worried. May I?” She brings her pointer finger so it hovers a few centimeters from her forehead.

Sakura nods, tenses up.

 

“This won’t hurt.”

 

(for the record it doesn’t, not really.) 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if Sasuke is coming off as a jerk. He and Naruto get on each others head a lot but a non fangirl Sakura that is enigmatic asf puts him on edge.
> 
> Also it seems like a whole bunch of wild shit occurs but mostly the story skips mundane stuff lol.
> 
> Also thanks for commenting, I love seeing the reactions to my story. Sorry if it feels fast paste but if I ever finish the story I’ll just go back and pace things better. As of now my ideas are semi flowing so updates are happening often.


	6. Genjutsu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura sits up, blankets slide off her legs and onto the floor. She sleeps outside because mama is loud— she didn’t hear a whisper the whole evening. That... that can’t be right. Heartbeat throbbing in her ears Sakura thinks on what that implicates. Papa had only been quiet in death... mama is always on her radar when they’re in the same house— and, oh my Kami is she dead? 
> 
> No. That can’t be true. Mama is safe she doesn’t leave Konaha without Shinobi guards for her trips. Then... who tucked her in? 
> 
>  
> 
> An imposter?

 

“Here mama,” Sakura hands her mom mochi on a platter.

Her mom smiles uncertaintly at her daughter. Sakura mirrors her mom’s actions. “I got you your favorite.” Strawberry mochi, her mom always said it reminded her of Sakura’s hair. Cradling a redbean mochi of her own she savors every bite. (that had been her and papa’s favorite. They always fought over who could have the last one)

 

“How was your day?” 

Her mom shrugs. “Same as always. How was yours?” 

“My teammates argue a lot and it gets annoying. Today they wouldn’t shut up on the way to the missions tower...” there’s something more to it, but whatever it is escapes her so Sakura leaves it at that. 

“They’re boys. They’ll grow out of it.” Her mom reaches over, tapping her nose gently. “And you my lovely girl need to head to bed. Tuck you in one more time for old times sake?” 

 

The domestic gesture agrees with Sakura fully. It feels like she hasn’t had quality time with her mom in years. “Okay.” 

 

Her mom strokes her forehead, eyes, and nose the way she used to when Sakura had a hard time sleeping. She loves the soft feathery touch. Each movement guides her closer to sleep. “Love you mama,” she whispers as her mom tiptoes out of the room. Her mom hums a reply before closing the door gently. Sakura stares up at her ceiling, yellow green stars shine down at her. What a perfect day. The stars...

 

the stars bother her. 

They seem, off. Sakura struggles to pinpoint why exactly. Maybe she needs to buy new ones ‘cos they’re fading? Nothing compares to the real thing—

 

She’s taken to sleeping outside, the night during summer never dips below 70 degrees and it’s a lot less loud. Staring up at the stars calms her, thousands and thousands of them hang embedded in the sky.

 

why isn’t she sleeping outside?

 

Because ( _mama is quiet_.)

 

Sakura sits up, blankets slide off her legs and onto the floor. She sleeps outside because mama is loud— she didn’t hear a whisper the whole evening. That... that can’t be right. Heartbeat throbbing in her ears Sakura thinks on what that implicates. Papa had only been quiet in death... mama is always on her radar when they’re in the same house— and, oh my Kami is she dead? 

No. That can’t be true. Mama is safe she doesn’t leave Konaha without Shinobi guards for her trips. Then... who tucked her in? 

 

An imposter? 

Sakura grabs a kunai, creeps towards the door, before freezing. Not an imposter. There hadn’t been any whispers. At all. Sneaking suspicion begin to blossom, as she searches for memories and comes up empty handed the suspicions are confirmed. 

“Kai!” 

 

 

She’s braiding Ino’s hair into a golden crown, that ends just at the nape of her neck. Ino is delving into clan politics— Sakura isn’t the least bit interested but Ino’s voice is soothing. “Yeah, so come to our barbecue this Saturday. Choji and Shikamaru will be there and we can...” but Ino never gets to finish because Sakura adjusts Ino’s hair. “I’ll be there.” Behind her friends back, she makes the hand sign whispering the release. (she doesn’t want to hurt Ino’s feelings. She’s already done that a hundred times over)

 

Library. Food market. Swimming pool. Training field. Skatepark. The forest.

 

 

 

 

There are layers upon layers, the hardest ones involve mama and papa even though arguably they should be the easiest. If she always hears their whispers shouldn’t the lack of them tip her off instantaneously? (self indulgent. It takes longer to figure out because they’re everything she can’t have. silence. And love.)

 

her well of chakra is depeleting. If she can’t make it out soon she’ll be stuck.

 

”Let me out! This isn’t funny!” 

Her Academy class stares back at her in dizzying states of emotion. Whoever is doing this to her— they’re really good, the details are fine tuned to her. They learn from their previous mistakes and apply it quickly to the next illusion.

”Fine!” she stands, knocking her chair to the floor.

Hopelessness. Why do they keep doing this to her? She’s frustrated and tired, chakra levels below suggested safety levels. What will get her out of here? Pain. Physical pain. But the user has control of her so thoroughly now... Sakura can’t sense a body beyond the one she’s aware of now. The only choice she has is to wait it out. Folding her arms on her desk she leans on them, angerly ignoring murmuring peers.

Ignore them ignore them (she’ll make it out of this if it’s the last thing she does) (it’s a lot easier said than done, as the world shifts around her, mind wiped clean)

(Again.) 

 

 

 

 

“Kakashi-sensei?”

A lean shoulder digs into her ribs. Bursts of motion create a sea sick atmosphere. Sakura stills realizing he’s leaping roof top to roof top— if she moves to much what if he lets her go? 

Why is she on his shoulder anyway?

 

”Put me down! I’m going to throw up,” she lies, with emphasis on being sick.

For a moment it seems like he’ll continue to ignore her but instead his hold slackens. Sakura feigns the need for support, hand waywardly searching and purposefully drags her hand across his hairline and forehead. (Guilt. His guilt is crispy and raw, compounded by—) 

 

Not a genjutsu. 

 

Sakura rocks on her feet, incredibly feint. Huh, this is what happens when you disrupt genjutsus for who knows how long? This is the closet she has come to chakra exhaustion. It feels terrible. Lingering whispers of guilt are hot on her tongue— she clamps her lips together tight to prevent any apologies from escaping. Won’t do to spit feelings that belong to him. 

 

“Sakura. This is real.” 

 

She wants to cackle to the heavens. Of course it’s real, she can hear his whispers— (he doesn’t know that, she reminds herself) who knew her curse could be so useful? 

“I know sensei.”

“How?”

 

because. “I bit the inside of my cheek and disrupted nothing.”

”Kurenai didn’t mention you using this method during your session.” 

 

Sakura nearly bristles. Her memories are intact! The afternoon and her interrogation replay in her minds eye. Kakashi thinks she’s training with a higher level Shinobi— well, no he felt guilty so?

”Last resort. I... thought I’d make it out without injuring myself. Guess I was wrong. Wh... what did I do to Sasuke? Why did you take me to Kurenai— Kakashi-sensei I saw—!” Sakura chests heaves, overcome by emotion. When Naruto and Sasuke injure each other they barely get in trouble but as soon as she makes a mistake she gets thrown to a strange Jounin and stranded in a string of illusions. 

(all the casual interactions she was able to have. Kami it was so quiet, wonderful.)

 

”I thought you were being manipulated by an elder shinobi, in exchange for genjutsu techniques beyond genin level jutsu for... other desirable materials. It has happened to Genin before.”

 

Oh. “You were looking out for me?” 

She’s ashamed of how surprised and hopeful she sounds. 

Kakashi sighs. “The level of genjutsu you are able to preform is unprecedented. Did you realize what you were doing to Sasuke?”

Three layers.

 

(cracking of bones, distinct where his body pinned her down.) (the popping of her arm as she escapes his hold) and reality itself. 

 

 

He doesn’t wait for her response. “It’s not a fluke, Kurenai observed you dispelling her illusions. Raw basics against a genjutsu specialist who is using minimal effort... not too bad Sakura.” He pats her head quickly as if not wanting to be caught in the act. Sakura tries to hide her flinch in the guise of exhaustion.

”From now on three days of the week you train under Kurenai to learn control. These destructive tendicies must be monitored.” 

 

 

 

She walks home. Doesn’t want to test her luck, she’d probably plummet to her death with the amount of chakra she has right now. The walk home stretches forever but it’s ten minutes at most. 

‘Destructive tendencies?’

 

Delving into the circumstances of her day Sakura quickly catches her journal up. _I was only able to escape the illusions because there were no whispers. Kurenai— Team Eight’s Jounin-sensei quickly narrowed down my dynamics and details of my life, but I have a “card up my sleeve.” When there is no touching involved (or mama cos my radar) it was very difficult to discover inconsistencies. Half the time she obstructed my memories of the day which was another indication something was wrong. Kakashi says she was only putting forth minimal effort which explains why I could escape ones that didn’t directly involve whispers._

 

 

(she doesn’t write about how she wished she could stay in them. How devastating it was to realize none of it was real) (no escape in sight clinging to the hope exhaustion will take her)

  

“Back so soon?”

Sakura smiles politely at the salesman. “I forgot to buy gloves last time.” Soon? What an exaggeration, how often does this guy get out? Pfft. He takes measurements of her hands, says it’ll be ready in a weeks time. 

 

 

 

 

“Do it over.” 

“I... I can’t.” 

Scarlet red eyes narrow into slits. “You’re not returning to Kakashi until you can identify how to prevent what triggers your impulse.” 

“But I don’t know when I’m casting a genjutsu! How do I purposefully do something I don’t—“

 

 

Kurenai slams her open palmed hand into Sakura’s cheekbone. Attentive, objective in mind— going with the blow Sakura steps into the motion, allowing the force to skid, stinging but overall minimize. (kurenai has other things on her mind but the whispers—) 

“Hm. Physical threats provoke your genjutsu. Useful— know that I am not going to hurt you. Your team members won’t hurt you Sakura.”

 

and she understands this, logically.

But she’s leaps and bounds from ever being okay with her whole being  hijacked from a single touch (worse if she begins to care.) 

“I’ll try. To control it.”

Kurenai nods. “Good. Now try to cast Hellview on me.”

Sakura holds back her groan of frustration. Simple and impersonal, the same one Kakashi cast on her during the bell test; plays upon the subjects worst fears. It’s easy to spot— it weaves worst fears into reality but lacks rhyme or reason. A go to for beginners or a reliable tactic to use against Genin and Chuunin.

A technique that wouldn’t fool Kurenai-sensei on her worst day. Practically impossible now, Kurenai-sensei doesn't dumb down her defense for Sakura. Naturally it makes her feel like she’s trying to cast an illusion on a rock. 

Sighing deeply her fingers fly through the hand signs that will help her focus.

 

 

 

Her teammates are normal. It’s been a week since what happened and Sasuke acts... as he always has. Detached but ready to knock Naruto down a peg whilst studiously ignoring her. At least he isn’t malevolent. His assumption about her fear bothers her though— thus the gloves. Sparring and practical team exercises are less daunting. 

She still has to be careful though. If she gets too close... 

 

 

“Is that all you got?” Kurenai-sensei yawns, jaw unhinging like a reptile’s. 

Sakura frowns. Her sensei is weird. She’s half strict but odd. It took her about half a week to notice Kurenai-sensei likes to cast... quirky things. Things only Sakura could see. It was like, since she’s the only other genjutsu affiliated person she’s apart of a The Club. Sometimes Kurenai-sensei modifies her body (like just now) or she creates fantastical yet disturbing creatures to follow her around. 

Kind of makes it difficult to cast an effective illusion on her when she so nonchalantly parades her own around. 

 

 

She can make it to 193 before her arms begin to quiver. The faint muscle definition in her arms make her envy Sasuke and Naruto’s but they have nothing on her abs. Yes. Abs. Who knew Sakura Haruno would sport a six pack? Not her. She only really notices because the gun flaunting (and competition).

”Mine are totally bigger!”

”In your dreams Dobe.”

”In _your_ dreams Teme! Mine are huge— hey, Sakura-chan they are, aren’t they?” 

Sakura blinks at the contrast of pale and tan. They look near identical, but Sasuke’s build is more slight which gives Naruto a small advantage but no way is she going to say that ‘cos then it’ll be a whole thing and— “Uh, I don’t know. What do you think Kakashi-sensei?”

there. She’ll rope him in and he can be the tie breaker. 

 

Kakashi avidly turns a page in his book. “Whoever has a six pack breaks your tie.” 

And they don’t lack muscle by any means. But. They don’t have a six pack either— and bulky muscle is no good for Shinobi’s anyway (it doesn’t stop her from staring in the mirror, peering at the hard muscle before she dresses for the day. “I win,” she giggles, remembering their tie breaker.)

 

 

The month rolls by more of the same. Train with her team Kakashi raises the bar the moment she reaches it— they go on D ranks and earn less than minimum wage. She attempts to assault Kurenai-sensei with genjutsu, who always sees through it, and Sakura hasn’t accidentally cast any on anyone since that spar (to be fair this is mainly she’s almost covered head to toe in clothing so whispers aren’t a problem).

 

 

Naruto elbows himself, and by association the whole team, into a C rank mission. Which is kind of exciting— yeah it’s baby stuff compared to what real Shinobi do but one day they’ll escort someone important and this is good practice.

The reality of Genin level C rank missions is a lot less glorious than she hoped for. Tazuna isn’t satisfied with them either, in fact he loudly complains about how he’s stuck with midgets.

 

Packing quickly Sakura leaves a note for mama, explaining she’ll be back in a week or so. The bridgebuilder smells like sake. She wrinkles her nose at his rumpled, smelly clothing. Geeze, this will probably be a bitch and a half. Was easy to say this will be good practice but damn. 

 

“Who’re you calling runt?” 

 

It only goes down hill from there. 

 

First and foremost— Tazuna is a complainer, and maybe she should be used to it, Naruto complains all the time and Kakashi sighs like the whole world is being placed on his shoulders, but Tazuna is a whole new level. It could be she’s used to her team but Sakura just thinks the man is being purposefully ornery. He’s so intent on knit picking them that they hardly make any ground. It’s slow and boring but definitely a change of pace. 

Surely a change of pace as chains tear Kakashi apart.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aye yo ma’s. Still got the writing bug, I’m trying to ride it out as long as it’s trying to last lol. Again thanks to those who are reading it makes me happy other people are interested. Also I notice I stay having spelling errors in author notes but it’s whatever cos the story is mostly w/o spelling errors so that’s good enough for me.
> 
> Comment, kudos, and critique!
> 
> Also do you guys watch the anime or are ya more of the manga type? My friend let me borrow 6 of the earliest issues and the anime pretty much follows the manga to a T! Lol anyway have a good day :)
> 
> Posting in celebration of no more school til next year. Woo


	7. Land of the Waves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’ll protect you Sakura! Stay back you’re still hurt,” Naruto steps forward. 
> 
>  
> 
> (He takes pleasure when their eye vessels pop, cherry red and spluttering blue lips)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Zabuza knocks Naruto down so hard that Naruto’s hitai-ate pops off his forehead. Naruto looks like he won’t get up. Her heart wrenches painfully at the sight. “Sasuke help Naruto! I’ll defend Tazuna...” Her words are soft, pained and she hopes he hears them.

 

  
Bits of Kakashi are flying.

  
Her scream dies in her throat. Not real. It can’t be— he’s a Jounin for a reason, and this is the type of thing he’s trained them for— see underneath the underneath, beyond what her eyes are telling her. Sakura wields her fear like a blade and forces herself to evaluate their situation. Three assailants, long range weapons, large enough to over power each of them on a one on one.  they can get to the bridge builder easily if they attack all at once.

 

What to do—(oh Kami what if he really is dead?)

“Don’t move,” she whispers to Tazuna. Sakura hastily intertwines him into their surroundings, fingers scrambling to form the correct signs. She can’t spare to look behind her to make sure she got the details correct, can only draw from her minds eye, but she hopes she did it right because the attackers are already engaging in battle with Sasuke.

Naruto is stock still, lost, and Sasuke’s shouts are becoming desperate as one nin peels off to attack Naruto.

She hurls a kunai at the man. “Leave him alone!”

 

 

 

Her voice is high, unbearably shrill in the face of someone brutal but she stands her ground. His face is a twist of ugly, he winds the chain that tore Kakashi into pieces around his hand. “Almost didn’t notice you,” he rumbles. She meets him half way (always protect the client—)

Sakura flings kunai at him with all her might as she charges but he merely counters them with his wrist chain. Oh no— they’re in melee range this isn’t— her ribs feel like they’ve been ruptured

Sakura bends over, holding her side.

Chained fingers wrap around her throat. (And they squeeze, lifting her into the air.) He _loves the shade of red their eyes get, blood vessels popping like fireworks and champagne_. The man glances away from his victim— bridge builder flickers into existence as her chakra flow is disrupted.

 

Distantly Sakura thinks about the smelly old man. About how she wanted to... to...

She’s losing control of her motor functions, her legs quit their erratic jerking and become motionless. he’s loving every minute of this... only if she could reach.... Gathering her last bit of strength she brushes his forehead (he’s unsurprised how she can’t even claw at him. _Poor poor baby_.)

  
He’s more surprised when his head explodes. But who can say?

 

 

 

Oxygen has never been so cruel. She sucks as much air in as possible, but it scrapes savagely at the insides of her throat. Each inhale and exhale is suffering but she can’t stop, she needs to breathe— oh, that’s what Kakashi is telling her. 

 

She’s kneeling on wet matter. Blood and pockets of bone. A whole human being. Exploding tags are no joke. It’s takes her a bit to realize that some of what is puddling down her forehead is... is... her stomach forms a tight fist around her previous meal but nothing comes up. ( _too late always too late_ )

 

 

“Don’t,” Sakura rasps— throat screaming in retaliation. pushes herself to her feet, away from Kakashi and his wandering hands. “Is the client alive?”

The Bridge Builder looks ill. In fact they are all looking worst for wear but Sakura doesn’t mention it. Their mission comes first. Naruto cries, violently. She thinks it’s the first time she’s seen him upset. Oh, right. The man had been coming for him before she engaged him in battle. Should she reassure him that freezing up in combat is common for Genin? It’s why they have Jounin senseis after all.

 

They tell her not to touch her forehead, that there’s (her ears keep ringing from the explosion) 

 

Sasuke offers her his jacket. Her own shirt is mostly burnt to the quick. Sakura takes it.

 

Naruto want to go home. (but the mission comes first. Those who abandon the mission are considered trash—) “Sakura-chan needs help! Look at her sensei.” but The Land of Waves is closer. Kakashi really chews out the Bridge Builder for endangering them but they ultimately continue on

because whatever is wrong with her head needs attention. The way Tazuna describes his village makes her doubt she’ll get professional treatment there but the sooner they get going the better.

 

The canoe ride is almost serene. It doesn’t last.

 

 

 

“There are eight targets. Throat spinal column, lungs, liver...” She reflexively touches fingertips to her throat, (sick pleasure in her own suffication because of that man) Zabuza’s chant intentesifies her panic. Where is he? “So many choices what vital vulnerable place should I choose? Heh he.”  

 

 

She can hardly move. He’s projecting so much hate and bloodlust (fingers curling around her throat he wants her dead.) Sakura begins to tremble— she almost died. And now she really will! she never said goodbye to mama. Tears stream down her face. Kakashi gets trapped inside of a water prison— they’re going to die! He taunts her teammates laughing at their similar states of shock, why can’t they catch a break?

 

“I’ll protect you Sakura! Stay back you’re still hurt,” Naruto steps forward. 

 

(He takes pleasure when their eye vessels pop, cherry red and spluttering blue lips)

 

 

Zabuza knocks Naruto down so hard that Naruto’s hitai-ate pops off his forehead. Naruto looks like he won’t get up. Her heart wrenches painfully at the sight. “Sasuke help Naruto! I’ll defend Tazuna...” Her words are soft, pained and she hopes he hears them. 

he follows her order without hesitation. She can’t help the tears, they keep falling and it makes it that much harder to tear a hole in reality and fit Tazuna into it. No hand signs— this isn’t going to work! but something is better than nothing— hastily she creates an illusion  of the Bridge Builder merging him with Tazuna’s position than shifting him to her far left to distract from his true location. 

It’s working but she doesn’t know how long she can keep this up. Sakura mashes her lips together, pretending too overcome by emotion to engage in battle. Focus. focus on hiding him, on the blank inconspicuous space and the terrified look a like she created and

 

 

 

“Hand him over. Don’t you want to save your friends?”

 

 

Sasuke and Naruto stand mid point, Zabuza will have to go through them to get to them— (they’ll die first. and then she’ll be the final defense) Sakura shudders. “Wouldn’t it be so much easier than me crushing your throats?” 

His eyes rake lazily at her profile, and it feels as if this motion scrapes off her skin. 

“Someone already did, huh? The Demon Brothers. Who came out on top little one? Tell me.” 

 

The commanding tone cuts deep. She whimpers (gummy muscle bone) (blue lips)— “I killed him.” 

The evidence of the Demon Brother’s remains are festering in her hair. She’s a murder she’s like the people who killed papa she’s 

 

 _bulging green eyes are the prettiest_. 

 

 “Interesting. At your age I already dyed these hands in the blood of my comrades.” Zabuza gazes at his massive hands, and then back at her. “You’ll have plenty of time to learn.” 

 

His water clone charges, sword at the ready— “Now!” Naruto yells. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Blood congealed around a shard of bone jutting from her forehead. Sasuke hands her alcohol to steel her nerves before they continue. It tastes foul, and burns her already sensitive throat but she chugs some anyway. she’s ready.

 

 

 

Naruto tugs on the shard and Sakura sees stars. Between her clenching eyes, Naruto’s molasse slow movement is a contrast to his usual hyperactive behavior. And it’s certainly more painful the longer he takes. Time hiccups, the bone glitters wetly in the subdued kitchen light. The stars fade to black fuzz, splitting into a brightness that curls her toes with vivid sensation. Thread and skin. 

“Hold her down I have to finish the stitches!”

(Determination. steady hands finish as quickly as possible)

( queasy and apprehensive )

The quicker this is over with the sooner they’ll quit touching her. The dip and pull of the thread reminds her of embroidery. Thimbles. Pins and needles. Sakura wishes they had anesthesia.

 

  
Blood and water drips down her scalp, onto her shoulders, and further. How much of it is hers? Most of it must be that mans (her kneeling in warm insides) Sasuke and Naruto cleaned out her wound pretty well. A mix of rust and dirt red circle the drain, whirling round and round. It’s not her blood. She scrubs herself raw trying to forget that the shade is more than just a color, that it belonged to someone (someone she put an end to.)

  
She dresses. Her fingers pass over the special brush papa bought her from Tea Country, and settle on a kunai. holds a nest of wet hair in one hand. in the other, she sheers it off.  distantly thinks of how it looks like a hairball before tossing it in the trash— she is anything but impolite. Sakura gently towels  her stitches before bandaging them. 

(Papa liked it best when she wore her hair down. Said his favorite girls have pink hair. Her and mama)

 

 

She walks until the trunk narrows, leaning precariously to one side. It’s more of a branch going on twig than a trunk at this point. A drop from this height? That wouldn’t be the way to go, not after everything that’s happened. Sakura attempts to sneak a peak at the boys progress but all the branches and foliage obscure her vision. It’s calming and woodsy up here, though the wind sways the branches to one side and that’s kind of frightening. Relaxing her rigid form on a lower sturdier branch, she allows the wind and trees to rock her.

This forest is almost as beautiful as Konaha’s.

 

 

“Is that all you’re going to teach?” She doesn't mean to sound jaded but the way he used her to ‘inspire’ the boys irks her. Her annoyance pierces sharply through the almost astral trance of not being present (rough, nappy hair giving way to blade) He didn’t mention her stitches or the bruises marching across her throat, didn’t bat an eye at her hoarse whispers. That was fine— she doesn’t mind, Shinobi are injured and die everyday in their profession 

she doesn’t ask why he wasn’t there, wasn’t there to stop that man. 

But after her stint atop of the tree her success is turned to ash, as he uses her to goad the boys into action. (that. That’s why he wasn’t there. ‘Cos he thought Sasuke would save her— well jokes on him, because Sasuke isn’t the only one on this team.)

 

Kuniochi sounds like a swear word. As if it’s a disgrace to be shown up by a girl— or her. Particularly her. 

“Ma, Sakura come here. Take it easy, since you’ve finished so soon I want you to gaurd Tazuna.”

“...”

”You did good. Don’t think I didn’t notice the genjutsu. It’s coming along nicely. Zabuza might not have noticed it.” 

 

Which is a lie. He saw through her, like she was nothing. Kurenai-sensei said she has natural talent, but natural talent is nothing against an S class nin! 

“But since you asked so nicely, I suggest you apply what you’ve learned to walking on other objects.”

 

 

 

The workers are scared, she knows that much. They’re risking a lot— their livelihood. their family’s safety for this bridge. Sakura can’t imagine the pressure they must feel, how... how dire their situation is as a whole. Gatô has them under his thumb and the only way they can escape is through this bridge. Economically and symbolically. 

 

“Please. Just give up. This bridge isn’t worth it.” 

As the situation unfolds in front of her Sakura is torn between agreeing with the man or siding with Tazuna. Ultimately it doesn’t matter what she thinks, she’s here to oversee the bridge and protect Tazuna. 

“Gichi you don’t have to come back.” 

The man starts to take his leave. The sight of his back reminds her of her teammates. How’s she’s always desperately behind. She couldn’t even hold her own against that man— (no. She has the wounds to prove she did)— she hates being left behind, and this man is turning away. 

“Hey! Don’t leave— I’m Shinobi, I can help.” Gichi turns, tired eyes slanted. Tazuna grumbles but gives her his attention. “I can cast an illusion when you work. no one will know any progress is occurring.” 

 

As if she needs proof she creates a samurai from thin air. “I... I can make whatever I want. If you leave now, who is going to build the bridge? Everyone has a family— is life worth living under a war lord?”

The samurai bends it's knee, sword sheathed. 

“You would do that,” Tazuna asks. 

“It’s my job. And no one deserves to live like this.” Sakura blushes under the men’s scrutiny, did she overstep her bounds? Does Tazuna think she’s weak? She had cried and struggled when Sasuke stitched her wound. Folding into herself she hangs her head. 

“Do it. Please. Gichi?”

The man alternates between girl and samurai, obviously in a deep dilemma. he nods. “I will stay.” 

 

 

 

Settling into lotus position Sakura pictures the bridge the first time she saw it. Haunted and misty but empty. It’s sunny and the sun shines brightly overhead, so... work to eradicate mist and but keep the abandoned unfinished profile. Boards stacked as tall as her, ropes swing in the breeze— how does she create convincing silence when behind the illusion the workers are, working?

Furrowing her brow tugs at her stitches, causing Sakura to loose a layer of her genjutsu. bitch! Creating shadows and sunshine that sync up with the sun is extremely difficult the first time and now she has to do it over again. Sakura wishes Kurenai-sensei was here, she’d know what to do. Hell if she was here she wouldn’t even have to do all this work! Kurenai-sensei could sneeze and everything would fall in place! Sakura lets her hands go through standard genjutsu signs, it won’t do much for something of this magnitude but it’s comforting. 

 

 

And here comes the hard part— she has to maintain the visual illusion while figuring out how to cast natural silence. Through trial and error.

 

 

 

There. rhythmic roll of ocean, sloshing, and the occasional cooing of birds. 

she only has to hold it for six more hours until the workers retire. 

 

 

 

Tazuna steadys her, her lead body. If she ignores his initial drunken act and grumpy self he’s... he’s okay. (she’s relieved that there are no whispers, thank Kami for practical wear.) 

“You did good kid.” 

 

Bless Tsunami but her food is looking more and more like a place to rest her face in. “Eat up, my dad said you had a busy day.” She smiles at Sakura, pushing her bowel closer to her. One whiff and she discovers her ravenoud appetite. Actually. As if her body was waiting for fuel she begins shoveling noodles into her mouth, rivaled only by the boys vigor. Gross— it’s apparent they’re not hungry anymore, they’re just doing it compete. ”Hey you’re hogging all the food,” she complains.

 

“Huh?”

”You’re not even done—“ 

She holds out her bowel to Tsnunami, not a speck of food in sight. Naruto’s mouth falls open. Sakura would be embarrassed but she’s just so... hungry. Seconds thirds the options are endless because a single helping almost makes her stomach ache more than having nothing in it at all. Tsunami gives her a glorious serving. 

“Why is she so hungry? Kakashi-sensei are you giving her extra training,” Naruto asks, arms crossed over his chest. 

“Seeing you haven’t accomplished tree walking it’s none of your concern.” He turns to address Sakura. “Taste that good, huh?”

Her response is slurping and chewing of noodles. 

”The most capable Shinobi around here! Casting all those— uh, illusions?— while you’re off ‘training.’” Tazuna gives her a gruff nod. “Takes a lot of energy.”

 

 

Kakashi gives her a suspicious glance. “How low on chakra are you? We don’t need both of us out of commission—“

Slurping the last of her noodles she stands. “Enough if I sleep now. We have an early day tomorrow.” She’s still mad at him for what he pulled earlier, so her reply is dismissive. Sakura starts to say goodnight to the boys but they’ve already returned to their eating competition. Wrinkling her nose at their childishness she gets ready for bed.

 

The boys don’t perfect their tree walking, so for the majority of the time it’s just her and the crew. Sakura doesn’t get to be bored. There are many imperfections she has to account for, as soon as she fixes one thing another hitch sprouts up. By the fifth day she manages to walk around while maintaining the genjutsu. It’s an improvement on her previous immobility. The crew are mindful of her whereabouts, careful to not disrupt her. She thinks it’s thoughtful of them.

Kakashi comes around to check on them every once awhile but between the boys and Tsunami’s bedrest orders, he doesn’t get out often.

 

Waking up each morning is getting harder and harder but at least the bridge is almost finished. Her chakra isn’t rife but she has enough to last the day and maybe sensei will have enough tomorrow to help her guard. Sakura knocks on his door to tell him she’s going to leave but Sasuke is the one who slides the door open. 

“I’m coming with you today.”

”Uh, what about Naruto?” Won’t he be pissed when he finds out Sasuke ditched him? They came in together— messy, but accomplished in their training. Naruto wouldn’t want to be left behind.

“Kakashi-sensei said he can sleep in.”

 

 

 

Tazuna pulls on his signature hat before joining up with them on the trek to the bridge. Cracking her knuckles Sakura prepares for another long day. 

 

A drop of fear slides through her, approaching the bridge. Some of the men are already out retrieving tools that’ll be needed for the day. Sakura doesn’t know why the mundane task is bothering her so much, the sun hasn’t risen fully, the bridge has appeared to have no progress... but why does she feel like? 

Like someone is watching. 

Gasping Sakura throws up an instinctive genjutsu, but it’s like throwing a bed sheet over the crew and calling them invisible. “Get out! They’re coming—“ 

the sun, it doesn’t  have a chance to rise, the mist thickens, and swallows the sun. Unlike her genjutsu it successfully disrupts their surroundings. “Get out! Zabuza is here! Run!” Sasuke already has dropped into the standard position to defend Tazuna and she joins him. 

 

 

 

 

 

”You didn’t think it would really work did you,” the surrounding mists echoes his arrogance. 

 

Various crew members heavy, panicked footsteps run past her but (the sound of men getting cut down) few make it out.

”Valiant attempt... heh he, fooled my boss. But me? Not so much. I’ll ask once; where’s Kakashi?”

”Like we would tell you,” Sasuke snarls. 

Water clones shiver into existence. swords swinging— water gushing? 

Sasuke’s kunai drip with water. “It won’t be that easy.” 

 

Two figures step through the fog, the first distinctly not Zabuza but, familiar none the less. “Go ahead Haku. I’ll take care of the girl.” 

 

“No, I think you won’t.”

Never has she been so relieved to see Kakashi! “Stay back Sakura, protect the client.”

 

 

She does. Even when Sasuke’s trapped in an ice dome, at the mercy of Haku— Sakura stays firmly planted in front of Tazuna. She encircles them with exploding tags, (sticking to clammy hateful skin—) and a kunai on hand. But she has never felt so bare 

 

Naruto and sasuke both, distorted needles stick out at odd angles on their bodies, beaten and— and she can’t do anything. Useless. (popping, strained blood vessels) — those who abandon their teammates are lower than trash.

 

( _I don’t wanna die_ )

( _dream_ )

( _thousand chirping birds_ )

 

the fog clears, 

Bloody wet fist protrudes out of a boys chest. Naruto’s pained shriek of surprise. The image is imprinted in the back of her eyelids. Kakashi retracts his fist while evading Zabuza, making an obscene squelching noise. he lays Haku down softly.

 

Two pretty dead boys.

 

sasuke, unmoving at her feet. Tazuna’s heavy hand falls on her shoulder. “I understand if you need a moment.”

Her fingers quiver, hovering over him. ( “papa please! Please don’t go— mama! I can’t I can’t he’s—) Sakura pulls off her glove, and he’s (no whispers)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 _he’s dead_.

 

 

 

 

”Naruto...!” 

 

She pulls Sasuke close. “He’s alive! Sasuke’s alive!” His head lulls, senbon bulging out of his neck. Carefully plucking the needles out of Sasuke’s neck she tosses them to the side. “Wake up... wake up Sasuke.”

”Huh...? Sakura?”

”Don't move.” She regrets not bringing any medical supplies. Unraveling her own bandages from her head she binds his oozing neck wounds. Dead— he’s not dead. She had fully been expecting emptiness, for the hollow thrush of silence. ( “don’t touch him Sakura! Get out of here—“ 

he feels like an inanimate object. “Mama! I can’t hear him. Please don’t go please—“ )

 

”You’re crying,” Sasuke states. 

Trails of wet tears slide down her face. “I... ‘m just happy.”

 

 

The bridge is finished a few days later. Tazuna tells them, as they hold a memorial for those who died building it and for Haku and Zabuza, that it wouldn’t have been possible if it weren’t for, “Sakura Haruno— for inspiring my men to stay, against all odds she spun an image so real if you didn’t know she was doing it you’d believe it. And Naruto Uzumaki, for turning the darkest hearts from hate to love. Had it not been for you we may never had made it off that bridge. And Sasuke Uchiha. You sacrificed your body for your friend’s life— there is no braver action known to man. For all of these reasons, I want to name the bridge: Team Seven.” 

 

“Pretty good speech, old man.” 

“Don’t get used to it.”

Sakura smiles fondly at the grump. “Take care.”

 

 

And they finally get to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So just to get a few things straight: Naruto does not get poisoned by the Demon Brothers. Sasuke and Sakura distract them from attacking Naruto. Kakashi is late because he’s observing his students but things go too far— before he interferes Sakura slaps an exploding tag on the one who’s choking her. In this version they’re further from Konaha than from their destination so they go that way to fulfill their mission and get more “help” for Sakura.
> 
> Basically the explosion was close enough that some of the skull of the Demon brother acted as shrapnel and embedded into her forehead. Naruto still comes up with his nindo, but instead it’s during the first Zabuza attack. He wants to protect his precious people and doesn’t want to be in Sasuke or Sakura’s shadow (after all she saved him and now it’s his turn.) sasuke and Naruto do the same shadow shrunken trick and Kakashi does his thang lol.
> 
> Oof and ig technically she doesn’t get any med attention besides the basics Team Seven knows (Kakashi is still passed out at this point lmao.) 
> 
> Also the Inari/Naruto plot still occurs and Sakura could probably rlly relate to Inari but I didn’t wanna take that away from Naruto lmao. the whole Sasuke/Naruto/Haku mirror thing happens also— basically the bridge scenes are mostly the same but Sakura has no crush on Sasuke whatsoever. That’s not to say she doesn’t care (seeing him “dead” reminds her of what happened to her dad) so there’s strong emotions there. For the most part The Wave Arc has put all of them through the ringer and she cares for both her teammates a lot more than she anticipated.
> 
> Which is both good and bad in her case, cos she’s trying to avoid strong bonds.
> 
> Anyway hope y’all enjoyed. Comment, kudos, etc.
> 
> Also Naruto doesn’t have a crush on Sakura in this, he considers a close friend but yeah no heart eyes up in this joint.


	8. A Jar of Dirt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He gives her a jar of dirt and tells her to pack it around. Learn to sense it, he says, and then we’ll talk. 
> 
> Dirt. In a jar. She’s expected to carry it. 
> 
> Is he pulling her leg? What the hell— how is this going to help her? Worse yet she doesn’t think he’s pulling her leg, he actually thinks it will help her. 
> 
> There isn’t much too it. At least it isn’t the gunky kind that collects near sewers or around public trash cans. Although maybe she’s thinking more of waste than legitimate dirt. Maybe she shouldn’t think of her jar as dirt; it sounds like something Sasuke would call it. Although with each passing moment (she’s sprawled in her garden pathway, hopelessly pondering) the brown is just that. Dirt. In a jar. Nothing special. Not even the vessel containing it is noteworthy.

 

small arms wrap around her waist (bewildering quizzical love. Fresh and) “Mama,” Sakura murmurs into her mother, “I missed you.” 

 _baby_ ( _it’s been years_ )

Her mom quickly embraces her. Sakura can’t put the whispers to words but in her mother’s arms she is uncomprehending of much besides  safety, of love. Sakura resurfaces from her mother’s warmth, tilts her gaze up.

 

snatching Sakura’s chin she examines her daughter’s forehead. “What happened to your face!” 

A puckering pink dent a few centimeters long and twice as wide marrs her forehead. _It looks painful_. “What happened to your face? Don’t look at me like that! Right now!” 

“Shinobi bussiness mom... I can’t say— but I’m okay. Sasuke and Naruto helped me stitch it up.” Sakura holds the hand that had her chin in a deadlock. “It didn’t even hurt that bad, cha!” 

 

 

Her mother blinks rapidly, taken aback. _hasn’t been so carefree since_... “And your hair. Baby what did you do?” Her tone is mournful. The whispers gather together, crowding— Sakura bites the corner of her lip to stop the overwhelming— (hasn’t cut her hair since)

”I like it.”

”Really? Me too. Do... do you want to watch a movie? I’ve been working every day—“

”Don't think you’re not in trouble. Because you are...” but... Sakura nods, understanding, _I know exactly how you feel mama_. 

 

Tip toeing out of the living Sakura takes one last look at her mom. Messy pink fly aways fan her mother’s face giving her an almost ethereal glow. Her whispers, content. Proceeding to her bedroom she falls heavily onto her bed. She releases her genjustu.

 

It wasn’t hard to conceal the bruises. They’re a sickly yellow, and a day or two from no longer existing. What mama doesn’t know won’t hurt her, and the scar freaked her out as is. Now that, that she couldn’t hide.

Where’s it’d save her mother from worrying it would be impractical compared to the bruise hiding. She’d eventually mess up and forget to cast the genjutsu. Sakura’s sure that she’d react worse to a spontaneous scar than to an explainable one. 

 

Slipping beneath her covers she considers the glowing green starts on her ceiling. All these years... 

(they’re going to die) (naruto and sasuke, limp on the floor) (like fireworks and champagne)

 

Sakura closes her eyes tightly. As if she could crush the memories with will alone. 

... everything is different. After their mission, The Land of Waves. They could have died. All four members, ding dong ditching death’s door. She almost died. And she hadn’t even bothered to say goodbye to mama in person. All these years they’ve... no. She, she’s distanced herself from mama. And mama let her because _because_ papa had been the one with a blood limit. Mama compensated her ignorance with space. 

And she’s felt her mother’s grief, knew it so intimately it hurt, and she feels so selfish. All this time— she does it for me.

 

Mama had been so surprised just from that small amount of attention (she can’t help but feel like a horrible daughter)

 

 

 

Sakura cooks a proper feast for breakfast. It might not be up to par with what her mom churns out but it’s close enough, right? Together they sit at the table, her shoveling food in her mouth while her mother takes dainty bites. Swigging her orange juice (nostalgia, thickens on her radar) Sakura hesitates, an incredible worry crops up; she smacks a clumsy kiss on her mom’s cheek “Got to go, see you tonight.”

”Already?”

”Shinobi and time wait for no man.”

”You’re a woman-“

”Yeah,” Sakura grins ruefully, “So I have to be even earlier.” (her mood dampens, remembering him goading the boys with her talent and how he—) she’s off, ready to start her day.

 

 

 

The sigh she heaves begins in her stomach and rolls past her lips, one that would make any teenager proud. “What, is this going to be a whole thing?”

Hinata, Kiba, and Shino flock around her— well, Hinata is further hanging back with Kurenai a polite distance away but Kiba is all in her bubble and Shino. Well maybe Shino gets a pass because that’s how he is. 

“You did just get back from a C ranked turned A ranked mission,” Kurenai-sensei mediates. “Yes. It will be ‘a whole thing.’ Why you ask? Because Sakura has never exhibited—“

”Wicked scar! Ino wasn’t lying when she said your face’s jacked up!” Kiba practically looms across the little space seperating them to get a better look. “Guess they do have a real reason to call her ‘forehead’ now, huh Akumaru?”

The canine yips in response. Sakura bats away Kiba’s probing finger, nonplussed. “Ha ha. Kurenai-sensei I came by to thank you— your lessons were invaluable during the mission... I was wondering, what’re the best days to schedule new sessions?”

Kurenai-sensei fills her in. Sakura says her goodbyes to Team Ten. As she begins to walk away someone taps on her shoulder.

 

”Yes Hinata?”

 

”I...” Sakura strains her ears to hear the shy girl’s words, “I’m glad you’re okay... and... Ino, didn’t exactly say your face is messed up. Kiba... exaggerates.”

oh. “Wouldn’t be the first time and it’s fine we’re not friends anyway.”

Hinata seems to wilt. “Sorry I thought...” “I have to go— see you around Hinata.”

 

 

 

Lactic acid builds in her arms, surpasses the threshold of discomfort and into pain but Sakura pushes through it. Only a few seconds behind the boys this time. Pawing at the sweat gathering at her nose she joins Naruto and Sasuke on the tracks. Sprint ten laps and five cool offs, then Kakashi will arrive. They’ve timed him and he always manages to arrive as  they finish their warm ups. She should be happy he’s stopped coming three hours late— they’ve wittled him down to an hour fourty five. 

 

Stretching her limbs once more he arrives on cue. 

 

He has paper, of all things. 

“Awh what’d you get paper for? How lame!” “That’s Chakra Paper, stupid. Touch it and it tells you your chakra affinity.” 

“Me first. Mine’s going to be awesome, believe it!” 

“I will not be teaching you elemental jutsu this is a reward for the teamwork you exhibited on our mission.”

”Cram it! Let me try already,” Naruto snatches a sheet from Kakashi’s hand. A gust of wind slices the paper apart. 

“Wind affinity. How fitting,” Kakashi comments. 

 

Slipping off a glove Sakura tentatively plucks a paper from Kakashi. The paper promptly crumbles, darkening into a brown. 

“Earth affinity.”

”Looks like you’ll be playing in more dirt,” Sasuke says as he grabs his own sheet. (She wonders how he has the gall to joke about it— the last time she played in dirt it didn’t end well for him) 

 

his sheet wrinkles, static crackling and bursts into flame, causing him to drop the paper. 

“Sorry what was that?” She snarks, nose turning up at the pile of ash at his feet. 

“Awh no fair! Why’s the bastard get two?” 

 

“Some people have more than one affinity. Having only one now doesn’t mean you can’t use other natures, it just means this one will be the easiest for you.”

 

 

 

 

When has anything ever been easy, she ends up thinking, as practice ends. Kakashi and Kurenai-sensei claims she has unmatched genjutsu skills— that she can do things that no other Genin can do (but she hadn’t fooled anyone.)

Had her abilities done anything when that man squeezed and squeezed— or when Haku skewered her teammates? Or the crew members she couldn’t save... she had cast a sufficient illusion of the bridge but Zabuza still saw through it! 

Easy? 

 

She wants to demand him to pay attention— fix me! Make me useful (don’t count me out) but how can she ask? She had been transfixed on the horror of the mission and didn’t contribute (and why is no one talking about what we went through? Like that was nothing like they didn’t nearly die)

because. Stupid. I’m acting the same way, she reminds herself. After all... she didn’t want mama to worry and her team already sees her as ‘the only kuniochi.’ (Screw that she’s a Shinobi! They can eat it!) so she sticks it out. Everything is fine.

 

They’re already teaching her Chunin level genjutsu— what’s one more technique going to do? (To be fair, they’re only doing it out of necessity. Keep her from hurting people but—) an ugly idea begins to form in her head. “Teach me a jutsu or I’ll stop going to Kurenai-sensei’s lessons.”

 

Kakashi dog ears his book, slowly looks up at her. “You tailed me all the way here, for that poorly thought out ultimatum?” 

Sakura glares at the cover of his book, he reads porn in public! How can he talk about standards? What does she have to do to be taken seriously?

”What makes you think you deserve to learn not one but two skills above your jurisdiction,” his voice is cold, without anger. It’s almost worse because she can fight emotions but clear cut logic... it makes her feel stupid.

Her silence speaks tales of failure and inadequacy. 

“... I have the chakra control for it. The boys aren’t ready but I am.”

”Last time I checked they’ve perfected the tree walking exercise. Your teammates outrank you in every aspect. When’s the last time you’ve won a spar? Academy days?”

Her heart sinks, fluttering like a butterfly with holes in its wings. Pitiful. Desperately she searches for a counter argument, anything to dispute these facts. And Sakura just keeps drawing blanks. 

 

Her gloved hands clench and unclench, anxiety bubbling at the rejection, the lashing she’s taking. Her fingers itch. Kakashi pats her head, switching from (authoritian to his false false—) “It’s never been about ‘deserve.’ We take what we can get— I’m never going to be helpless like that again. Teach me or I’ll find someone else who will, Kakashi-sensei!”

 

Kakashi’s hand freezes mid pat. He’s appalled she’s still making demands but strangely satisfied.

“‘We?’ Do you really believe that?”

She doesn’t really understand the significance but his whispers are a web and she will connect the dots. “Yes. We— I wasn’t able to help my teammates. We all could have died.”

”Not all opponents can dispel your genjutsu.”

”That’s not the point.”

”No. The point is Sakura, you need to trust your teammates to handle the situation and protect you.”

 

entirely wrong thing to say. Protect her? Like she’s an untrained civilian? Sakura steps away from his immobile hand, from his clueless feelings. 

“And I need to protect them! One day they’re not going to get back up— I have to be ready for that.” 

 

“Ma, Sakura you should have said that in the first place.”

 

 

A jar of dirt.

He gives her a jar of dirt and tells her to pack it around. Learn to sense it, he says, and then we’ll talk. 

Dirt. In a jar. She’s expected to carry it. 

Is he pulling her leg? What the hell— how is this going to help her? Worse yet she doesn’t think he’s pulling her leg, he actually thinks it will help her. 

There isn’t much too it. At least it isn’t the gunky kind that collects near sewers or around public trash cans. Although maybe she’s thinking more of waste than legitimate dirt. Maybe she shouldn’t think of her jar as dirt; it sounds like something Sasuke would call it. Although with each passing moment (she’s sprawled in her garden pathway, hopelessly pondering) the brown is just that. Dirt. In a jar. Nothing special. Not even the vessel containing it is noteworthy. 

Sakura groans. Okay— not dirt. Soil than. Soil in a jar. There still isn’t any revelation or epiphany to the purpose of this... of this lesson. Learn to respect dirt? Soil. It can nurture things, make ‘em grow, Sakura glances around at the flowers in her garden, it’s essential for their lives. Without a home— a place to spread their roots, how would the sun give them life? 

Kind of like humans. Without the earth there would be no physical place for them to exist. But without the sun there would be no life. Swirling the contents within the jar Sakura sighs. Philosophical thoughts aren’t going to help. But... it’s true. Everything has to be balanced for life to exist and thrive.

 

 

Wind wrestles through the leaves of trees, the sound of insects crackled, and small rush of a stream. Sakura holds the illusion for a few more seconds before dissolving it, slowly because she enjoyed this creation. 

“You’re getting better.”

”I had some practice, I had to mask the noise of a bridge being built...”

Kurenai-sensei nods. “So I’ve heard. What went wrong?”

”I couldn’t hold it overnight because we’d return to our clients house. don’t have the chakra for long distance or extended amounts of time.” 

“You couldn’t let your attention wander? During?”

She nods her head in affirmation. “Each layer I had to attend to at the same time.”

”Ah. There’s your problem, the control you have was stretched thin— the minimum to deceive civilian eyes but the stain on your reserves must have made it waver. It’s why the missing nin could spot your genjutsu.” 

 

Sakura doesn’t blink an eye at the fact Kurenai-sensei knows all about her mission. She must have been briefed. 

“Would he have if...” 

“Hard to say. I spot yours easily without mistakes and he was S class. Very little would make it past him.” 

 

(His fondness for Haku did) 

“There is a way to fix your layer problem though.”

 

 

More D-ranks. (There’s not much to say about those.) Sasuke and Naruto squabble. And... she does too. 

Naruto frogs her. “Fuck— you little shit!” Her arm aches, pounding. “I will be Hokage!” He holds his fist out her, an almost comedic fire blooming in his eyes. “Believe it!”

Sakura shoves him off the fence the three are perched on. 

He hits the ground with a thud. He bounces up, and before she can hop away her back connects solidly to the ground. “That’s it!” Sakura vaults over the fence, landing in front of Naruto. Both put their fists up imitating civilian boxers rather than their own profession, with the prominent lack of weapons. “Hokage? You don’t have the attention span to be Hokage! I’ve asked you to grab the lug wrench ten times— I even explained what it looks like and you still haven’t gotten it!”

”Take that back!” 

“No!” 

“Take it back! Or I’ll—“

”You’ll what, Dobe?” Sasuke watches them, taking a dry interest in the situation.  

“I’ll kick her ass!” 

 

“Fat chance!” 

“Not as fat as you! Fatty!”

Oh hell no. Without a word, she jerks up a bit of her shirt. Sculpted muscle, that she knows he doesn’t have. “Cha! Beat that loser.” 

He lunges foreword, fist at the ready. Swinging at the same time— her chin throbs under his fist, but her mark is true also. Naruto applies pressure to his nose. They glare at each other— ready to swing again when— Sasuke catches their fists. “Knock it off you two!” 

Who died and made him team leader? 

Sakura swings her leg, aiming a kick at his face. Actually agreeing with Sakura’s actions Naruto throws a punch at Sasuke with his free hand. The three become a blur of motion— Sasuke blocking and her and Naruto attacking. Somewhere in the mix, Naruto punches her leg and she’s reminded they still have beef. 

In a matter of moments all three are brawling. Half the time she isn’t sure who is punching her or who’s she’s punching. The whispers help, when someone smacks her in the face but beyond that she’s disoriented.

In a Naruto-Sasuke-her heap, they collapse, breathless.

When did this happen? Before— they could hardly stand each other and now (well now they still can’t stand each other) it’s different. Comradity, maybe? They still are distant towards her and she to them but (but she is no longer...) 

“Should we get back to fixing the car,” Naruto asks. 

“Yeah.”

 

(she knows it’s a change for the worst, she’ll only reap pain and insanity. Except she wasn’t lying to Kakashi— she never wants to see them hurt again

and she cares.)

 

 

 

The soil is loose, clinging to her palms. It feels like the average dirt from the ground. Sighing she wipes her hands before screwing the jar shut. At this rate she’ll never learn that jutsu. Is her chakra nature even Earth? 

Sakura decides to go the library. Kakashi never said she couldn’t and this has dragged on far too long.

 

(The books are almost as helpful as her jar of soil.)

 

They say she has to sense it, open herself to the Earth. How is she supposed to do that? Talk to it? Yeah right. 

(She gives it a try but mostly just feels dumb.)

 

 

 

 

in a rare twist of weather, it rains. She’s trying to focus on the soil inside her jar, when the fluffy white clouds 360, and drizzle. It’s nothing she can’t handle but annoying. That’s when she notices the smell. 

Damp, and earthy. 

Cocking an eyebrow she breathes it in deeply. Plants and minerals and something that is rain itself. The sprinkles are fresh across her skin, darkening the soil thousand of drops at a time. Something so simple is... beautiful. 

Droplets of rain collects on the surface of the jar. Huh. Unscrewing the lid, she spills it onto the ground. The earth may not be sentient but she’ll set it free anyways. 

 

(She sits in the rain, breathing in the earth and life and she kind of understands. there is presence, a centering of self in something beyond)

Sakura cups damp earth and smiles.

 

there’s no feedback, is apart of her in a way that is not invasive, but inherit like a heartbeat. Sakura doesn’t get it, and when she tries to achieve this level of zen after she leaves it does not return. But. She had it for a moment— and that had been entirely enough to boost her vigor in discovering whatever it is Kakashi set her out to do.

 

 

Rabbit, reverse ram, boar.

She runs through the signs until they become second nature. Once more for luck. Rabbit, reverse ram, boar. There. Through with the tests runs she creates a sprawling field. Green grass and ripe clouds over head. _Rabbit, reverse ram, boar_. 

The layer holds, even as she begins to form sound. Swaying trees and snuffling bunnies— as a joke. _Rabbit, reverse ram, boar_. She shapes the people from a recent memory. Kakashi, Naruto, and Sasuke sitting on a plaid blanket and old fashioned picnic basket between them. 

It’s tricky here; people are hard to maintain. Hell and Heaven view are easy because the victim plays a role in how the people turn out, but for her purpose she has wants her’s almost sentient not just memorie based. Sakura writes herself into the illusion. She opens her mouth and— 

the genjutsu crumbles, like wet paper.

Layer by layer. 

 

Sakura opens her eyes, disappointed. It’s not the closest she has came and that’s the worse part. She has no control over how far she can go. Some days she’s so close and other days... she regresses and nothing is accomplished. It’s not fair!

(when has anything been fair) (when has anything ever been easy?)

 

 

She’s not in a mood to say goodbye to her mom. Her head aches, from the strain of her failed genjutsus, and the whispers her mom emanates are getting to her.

they feel suffocating. 

Since she started genjutsu training Sakura studied the brain, physiology (what gets people raving) and maybe saying the whispers are loud isn’t accurate. It’s not really about sound at all, rather the intangible aura that hounds her whenever her mom is around. Whenever she touches. 

Sakura devoted too many pages in her journal into crackpot theories of how to make it stop. That maybe if she finds where in her brain that lets her perceive the whispers. But how would any of these operations work? No one is going to do surgery on her without a valid reason and she’s never going to tell anyone about her bloodline. Her very illegal undocumented bloodline. She tears the pages out and lights them on fire, the night she realizes that her plans will never come to fruition.

And old habits die hard. She’s so used to avoiding and spending the least amount of time possible with her mom that after the first week of being home Sakura falls back into the habit. She doesn’t notice it at first.

so what she's gone all day? That’s a Shinobi’s job— even Genin have busy days. Or when she stays well into the night practicing what she dubs “Stick no jutsu” (even though it’s mostly just creating layers and making them stick without paying attention as she makes more.) It’s the fact she spends more time with her jar of dirt than her mom, is what really gets to her. 

It weighs heavily on her mind, she’s being a terrible daughter again— did she ever stop? But that doesn’t change her behavior. Sakura has a duty to become stronger. For herself and for her team. There’s plenty of time to spend with her mom after she improves. 

When she comes home to packed bags and sad sad whispers, all of it comes crashing between her ears.  

 

“See you when I get back baby.”

”Goodbye mom.” 

(strange twinge, cuts sharply—) Sakura stares at the closed door. _Mom_? (Confusion.)

Running her fingers through her hair, an overwhelming urge to scream builds. It doesn’t fade, as her mother blinks off her radar. When had she stopped calling her mama? It’s dumb, it really is but... but papa had loved what she called them, and mom never asked her to quit— not once. Sakura kept the endearment up way past the appropriate age and why now?

(Why can’t she ever think about her mom without thinking of him? Is this why her mom is always sad? No matter how happy they are there’s always something missing—) 

(It’s snowballs from there.)

 

 

 

”Why won't it stick? Why!”

She flys through the hand signs once more. “Stick! Goddamnit stick!” In her hurry the environment she creates is lopsided and jagged, hazardous. She adds sound— dull warbles. _Rabbit, reverse ram, boar_. Nothing. Nothing nothing— she’s not good enough she’ll never be good enough!

she feels deranged, as she goes through the signs, tacking on more dimension to her unsightly creation. No no no. She’s a heap on the ground (the ground that refuses to share it's secrets the ground that she can’t figure out) and she wants to cry. To scream to give up. She was wrong— it is about deserving, and she doesn’t deserve power— all the work all the time she’s dedicated to becoming better and she’ll always be that little girl sobbing her eyes out on her papa’s grave (the useless side kick to her teammates adventures) 

 

Her fingers wriggle into the earth, dirt lining underneath her nails. She blinks at her bare hands. It’s odd seeing them without her gloves on. 

 

Sweat trickles down her nose, dripping onto the ground. Huh. (fingers worming through papa’s grave plot) (swell of earth and water) (mashing mud up to her wrists) (dry soil coating her hands) (laying in the garden) that. It’s always been there, listening. To her tears her determination her... she’s always turned to it, even before she knew her chakra affinity. The day Ino’s whispers registered on her radar... when she fought Sasuke... now. She’s expended so much chakra in her frenzy. If her chakra control is usually described as a scalpel today it’s descriptor is butcher knife— all that leaking, wasted chakra—

but the earth had responded. Her desperate hands buried themselves into the soil and the earth... the earth grounded her. It didn’t take away her pain or solve anything, it had just been. Sakura seeks that.

Dispelling the genjutsu she directs chakra to her hands. Rubs the soil. Doesn’t dare breathe. 

(the earth has chakra too.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo... I got the jar of dirt idea from The Pirates of the Caribbean lmao. I can imagine Sakura’s serious ass dragging it around but like, “I got a jar of dirt I’ve got a jar of dirt” Captain Jack Sparrow thing going on also.
> 
> Although she puts on a front for her mom BECAUSE she’s realized she hasn’t been doing the “right” (subjective) thing aka be around her mom— Sakura still has all these walls and habits concerning interactions with other people. She is still very much hesitant to be around her mom, although because of the “distance” (like a safety blanket) she THINKs she has with Team Seven, she is more physical with them. Before all touch— covered by clothing or not was negative to her because she thinks others will begin to touch her all the time which would be bad if they become close/or her body isn’t fully covered.
> 
> So uhh, Sakura is trying but eh.
> 
> The whole mama; to mom thing, is Sakura growing up. She’s going through a lot of change and she had been holding on to what was left of her dad by any means possible but slowly through the chaos I’ve been dropping the “normal” title.
> 
> Did anyone catch the earth and sun symbolism? The sun represents Naruto and Sakura is the earth. Sasuke is the moon obviously but I haven’t worked his symbol in yet lol.
> 
> Also yeah Sakura isn’t coping too well with what happened to Wave. Kakashi may seem like a dick but he’s a SNEAKY dick. He gives in quickly because he wanted Sakura to be interested in learning something, but Kakashi wants it on his own terms— aka: she needs a defensive technique to match with her “offensive” genjutsu skills. Also to well round his team for the bigger picture. 
> 
> Sakura gets snippets of emotion she doesn’t get whole ass reasons, especially since she whispers are a Thing TM for her. Sooo yeah if Kakashi comes off as a super dick it’s cos yeah he gots flaw but also cos Sakura’s biased n isn’t omniscient lol.
> 
> Thanks for reading 


	9. The Chunin Exams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And to top it off
> 
> (excited, bated with a dash of—) 
> 
> Ino shoves Sakura out of the way so she can glomp Sasuke. Of course. It had to be Ino, Sakura hasn’t felt those emotions towards Sasuke since the last time she was around. Hanging off a struggling Sasuke the blonde sticks her tongue out at Sakura before turning her attention back to the object of her affections. 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Sakura tries to not be bitter. (She hates her loud whispers, they’re too close for her liking.) Sasuke hadn’t been that big of a reminder of Ino’s crush for a while, since her team took precedence over her (non)existent social life... but now? “Will you shut up? I can’t hear myself think over your loud mouth, Mrs. Sycophant.”

 

Foriegn shinobi, Sand by the looks of their hitai-ates, and around her age group if she isn’t mistaken. Although the girl is taller than her and Naruto— but almost anyone can achieve that particular status, Sakura sourly admits. The girl’s companion seizes Konohamaru by the scruff of his shirt. His legs kick wildly but they’re too short to connect. 

 

 

 

Iron fingers (her legs cease their struggle, unresponsive and numb)

catching Naruto by the wrist Sakura grips a kunai in her left. The weight settles like an old friend.

 

 

 

”You’re starting to annoy me,” the boy raises Konohamaru higher, eliciting choking gasps from Konohamaru. “... Disrespecting your elders—“

 

 

Blade spirals, a streak of unavoidable silver— **_crrkthunk_**!

Her kunai lodges hilt deep in the fence to the boys right, clatter of stone skittering to a stop in the opposite direction. The stranger drops Konohamaru, who scrambles to his feet, running back to safety.

“What the...?” He glances at the stone and the kunai, realizing the blades speed and trajectory was meant for him.

 

”That’s enough Sakura,” Sasuke drawls.

 

But she isn’t done—(the whispers rise up, pounds against the neat box she tucked it in) can’t take her eyes off the threat. Naruto shrugs off her hold, complaining that it hurt. 

His face paint, white with purple markings... traditional Sand warpaint. That man had not hailed from Sand. Oh no. Her limbs feel shaky, she did it again. Untightening her fingers from the two new kunai in her hands, it makes her ill to think she doesn’t remember grabbing them.

 

Sasuke tosses another stone up and down, leaning on a branch in faux relaxation.

He must have noticed. 

Great, here’s something else he can accuse her of being afraid of. Noticing her uncertain posture the foreign shinobi settle.

 

”Think you’re tough don’t you, brat.” The boy accuses.

”No but you do. Attacking the Hokage’s grandson... that’s a viable reason to revoke a treaty, don’t you think?”

The girl glares at her. “What do you know?”

Sakura feigns a smile, cocking her head to the side. “I know you’re an ally of Konaha or you wouldn’t be here. Keep it up and you won’t be for much longer.”

”That’s it,” the boy shrugs off a... container from his back. 

“Don't tell me you’re planning to use The Crow...!”

From the corner of her eye she sees Sasuke preparing to step in, as is Naruto. 

 

 

 

“You’re a disgrace to our entire village.”

 

 

 

Despite the heat and her long sleeves Sakura swears she feels the hair on her arms rise. The new addition’s voice is biting but detached. He’s on the adjacent limb of the tree from Sasuke. How did he get there without anyone noticing?

“G-Gaara,” the painted face guy’s tone of voice transforms from aggressor to pacifying, almost groveling. He looks more nervous speaking to his companion than the whole confrontation between us, Sakura observers. Her mind races in attempt to analyze their dynamic. Why are they so scared?

”...but Gaara they started it. The little one slammed me and she threw a—“ 

“Shut up. Or I’ll kill you.”

The guys pointer finger drops. The two shinobi quiver. The girl attempts to make amends but ‘Gaara’ isn’t hearing it.

 

 

 

With a swirl of sand he... appears between the other two. Sakura wishes she didn’t put away her weapons. Sasuke jumps down from the tree, landing in front of her. “Hey! You there! What’s your name?”

The girl with four pigtails blushes, fear forgotten. Huh. Is she used to Gaara’s behavior that she recovers from his transgression so quickly? “W-who, me?”

”No. I was taking to the spook beside you.”

The boy regards Sasuke. “Gaara of the Desert, at your service.” He paused. “And you are?” 

“Sasuke Uchiha.” 

He gives no indication that he heard besides a slight incline of his head, eyes shifting from Sasuke to...

Muted green eyes, framed by heavy black liner pierce through her, pinning her mouth with silence like needles through a specimen. _green eyes are the prettiest_ (like a promise an observation a premonition) It’s an out of body experience when her lips move of their own accord, working past her inhibitations. The strain between what is her and the whispers narrow fluctuating dangerously like a twist of ribbon in the wind. “Sakura Haruno.”

 

Levity, from the gaze of those green green eyes comes in the form of her reliable teammate. “And I’m Naruto Uzumaki! Remember it ‘cos I’m going to be Hokage— jerks like you won’t be allowed in when I’m in charge! Believe it!”

 

 

 

 

 

”Control your temper next time, stupid.”

”Don’t call her that bastard!”

Sasuke regards her darkly. “I’ll call her whatever I want. Isn’t that right Sa-ku-ra?” The disdain in his voice is evident, causing Naruto to bristle but Sakura doesn’t rise to the bait. “If it wasn’t for me she would’ve killed the Kazekage’s son.”

“Yeah so what? He was hurting Konohamaru!” Naruto flails his arms around to emphasize his point. 

She had been surprised when the other Sand shinobi introduced themselves as Temari and Kankuro... all three siblings, the Kazekage’s children no less. Her words about breaking treaties were on the nose. If her or Kankuro succeeded... Sakura shakes her head to clear her thoughts, and focuses on the present. 

Or at least, the wrath of Sasuke. Which turns out to be sullen and volcanic, not the swollen glacier people assumed.

“Stay out of my way runt.” He knocks his shoulder hard against hers as he makes his way to ‘his spot’ leaning on their bridge. Great. How is he in a bad mood after someone asked about him? That seems right up Sasuke’s alley.

 

 

Falling behind Sasuke and Naruto she stares at the Chunin form. There’s no way she can do this... it hasn’t been that long since their big mission— and she hasn’t perfected the jutsu Kakashi showed her...

 

 

The jar of soil hadn’t been his last cryptic lesson. Oh no, that would make things too simple. She had given him back the empty jar, with a newfound awareness. Sakura didn’t notice the significance of the earth with her every step but if she sat down and meditated, the earth was always there. Solid beneath her feet and source of all. 

Her fondness for this ability was tested immediately after he knew she could feel it. Kakashi crinkled his eye at her, “I’m glad you’re succeeding.” 

And then the earth collapsed beneath her feet.

“Don’t jump out. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“I have to pee!” She yelled, desperate and annoyed at her predicament. The hole she was in was around six feet high and six feet long. Circular not rectangular— thank Kami, because it sort of reminded her of a grave.

The day had been excruciating. She hadn’t had the chance to eat lunch, and she had trained before coming to meet Kakashi. Her stomach rumbled it’s displeasure every hour or so. That hadn’t been the worse part about being restrained in the hole. As night took over, the moon seemed mirthful, moonbeams shining above. Everyone says heat rises, and she’s sure she can make an argument to support the theory— she can’t stop shivering, underground far more chilly than she expected it would be.

 

Pale roots poke from the sides, and she has to be mindful of the bugs that creep around the ground. Sakura isn’t exactly scared of the slimy things but it’d be gross to share her space with smashed dead things. 

The earth is compact but also gives, damp and of a different texture than mud or regular soil. It takes Sakura a longer time than she’d like to admit to figure out that it’s clay. The stuff is sticky but not overly wet. She scrapes chunks off with a shrunken, and rubs the clay into a ball.

For a while it’s her only form of entertainment.

 

Yes shinobi are trained to withstand days without food and restrictive environments... but she's also still a genin. Hasn’t had many chances to test her endurance in this particular field. By midmorning she doesn’t know what the point was other than forced containment— and to make her hold her piss for an ungodly amount of time. 

Kakashi blocks the sun near noon, unrumpled and spiffy looking. To say she’s mad is an understatement. “Any progress?”

Progress? What progress? She’s been sitting here for hours! 

“Hm. Well, I’ll be back in the evening.”

 

The hours that pass are excruciating. She wants to jump out— it wouldn’t be hard, but no. He said she couldn’t do that. 

... he said she couldn’t jump out. Squishing the clay in her fist she nearly screams. That bastard! Underneath the underneath. The clay feels runny under her feet, maleable and giving, unlike the surface level. It takes all of her self control to not curse up a storm. All this time she would have chakra walked up the walls. 

When he finds her, in a very un-Kakashi assignment is given. A 1,000 word essay on what she learned in the hole. What did she learn? That shinobi instructions suck! Or that even earth gets boring to look at? Or how clay is flexible in small amounts but less so in large amounts— oh. 

(She remembers a scroll, that explained the nature of elements)

Earth is substantial. It comes in many forms, from rock to clay, some of it's forms give with ease... but the fact remains earth prefers immobility. Or, it doesn’t flow like water or whip like wind, but slowly changes occur. Clay to hardened stone to pebble... earth can be unforgiving (as she found out during those grueling hours.)

She wasn’t dubbed a paper ninja for nothing. 1,000 words later she’s rewarded a lesson— a real one, though it’s no less frustrating.

 

Returning to the present, she frowns down at the form. And... she is nowhere near perfecting Hiding Mole jutsu. Earth fights her every step of the way, no matter how much effort she puts into cajoling the element.

The Chunin Exams just solidifies her lack of progress. Maybe she shouldn’t feel so apprehensive. It’s just an exam after all, Sakura’s good at those. If she were in the Academy now she’d pass without dropping a sweat. Stick no jutsu is coming along nicely also. But. Without this, without this tidbit of elemental jutsu she is not well rounded. Sasuke is. Naruto... he has so much chakra it’s not like he needs to be perfectly versed in every area. She’s lagging behind. She's not ready. 

Kakashi said that the exam is optional and individual, that if they didn’t want to they didn’t have to. But Kakashi says a lot of things. And a lot of the time...

Sakura signs her name on the dotted line. (Naruto had been so excited... Sasuke even looked less pissed after hearing the news. No way is she going to shit on their parade.) 

 

 

 

 

Lost in thought Sakura almost doesn’t notice the genjutsu. Squinting, she makes out a blurry 201. She opens her mouth to inform Sasuke and Naruto when Sasuke speaks up. “Drop the force field illusion while you’re at it.” Two mean mugging Chunin snort at him, old victims pushed to the side. “Impressive. Seeing them isn’t enough,” one says, kicking out. Sasuke responds in kind—

The green clad genin on the floor holds their legs as if he knew they’d do that. Wow, Sakura thinks, I didn’t even see him move. 

“Hey that’s not what we agreed. You’re the one who said not to draw attention to ourselves,” a pale, brunette berates his teammate(?). The green body suit clad boy doesn’t look remorseful. In fact...

Is he blushing? At her? 

He strides towards her with confidence that had not been with the boy on their arrival.

“Hi my name is Rock Lee. You’re Sakura, aren’t you?” He doesn’t wait for her response— which is a good thing because she’s so appalled she wouldn’t have managed one. “Would you like to go out with me? I will protect you with my life!” He smile practicality gleams, one eye winking as he gives her a thumbs up.

There’s a beat of mortifying silence. What the hell? She doesn’t even know him! 

“No way! I don’t even know you.” Realizing she may have overdone it, judging by his slumped shoulders, “Uh... and we’re at a Chunin Exams. You’re competition.” 

His body straightens, suddenly robust once more. “You are correct! How unyouthful of me! If we shall meet in the arena it will be a pleasure!” 

 

They’re interrupted by Lee’s teammate who’s questioning Sasuke about his identity. They’re somewhere around here probably participating in the exam too— (pale green eyes, protrude from the walls) ugh. _Hopefully we won’t run into them_. Naruto looks ticked that— the Neji dude isn’t asking about him and Sasuke plays it cool. All these people asking bout him... 

 

 

Lee challenges Sasuke to a spar. He tries to blow her a kiss, she sidesteps it even though she knows she’s being childish. 

“C’mon you two. We have like thirty minutes to turn in our applications. Let’s go.” 

“I’ll be done in five.”

 

She heaves a sigh from her soul, and Sakura decides to dip. This is just a waste of time— she barely wanted to be here in the first place and now the boys are testing fate. “Whatever I’m turning mine in. See you guys.” 

Lee waves ecstatically at her as she leaves, and Sakura sweatdrops at the attention. How embarrassing! School yard crushes aren’t unusual by any means but it’s still awkward to be the recipient of... of a random and unfounded one. How does he even know of her? Gah people are so weird!

 

“Well you’re not the solo participant I expected to see.” Kakashi pushes himself away from the wall he was leaning on.

”The boys are downstairs, they’re taking too long. I want to get this over with.” She motions with the application, before handing it to him.

”I’m glad you made it after all Sakura. Now all of you qualify for the Chunin Exams.”

 _I knew it, cha! That sneak_! On the outside Sakura merely crosses her arms. “That was obvious. Besides, we work better together.” Is this what lying through your teeth feels like? She’s not sure if what she said is true but it doesn’t matter because Kakashi nods, “That’s good to hear.” 

They wait like that in silence, before Naruto and Sasuke show a quarter ‘til. They exchange a few words with their sensei, and then all three step in front of the door. Together they push the doors open.

 

 

Fuck. As far as the eye can see, there are people. Not any people— wannabes like them. Hopefuls and all that. What a bitch, Sakura thinks to herself. And to top it off

(excited, bated with a dash of—) 

Ino shoves Sakura out of the way so she can glomp Sasuke. Of course. It had to be Ino, Sakura hasn’t felt those emotions towards Sasuke since the last time she was around. Hanging off a struggling Sasuke the blonde sticks her tongue out at Sakura before turning her attention back to the object of her affections. 

 

 

Sakura tries to not be bitter. (She hates her loud whispers, they’re too close for her liking.) Sasuke hadn’t been that big of a reminder of Ino’s crush for a while, since her team took precedence over her (non)existent social life... but now? “Will you shut up? I can’t hear myself think over your loud mouth, Mrs. Sycophant.” 

 

 

Two people speak at once. “You’re one to talk with that mutant forehead of yours!” (She eyes Sakura’s scar with an avid dislike) and, “Didn’t know you had a vocabulary beyond a six year old’s.” 

 

Shikamaru’s tone is scathing. Sakura tries to shrug it off, _she’s his teammate_ — besides he never got me back for the anorexia comment, she excuses. 

She feels his decisive stare but has nothing to offer in exchange. Shikamaru huffs. “Why don’t you three save yourselves the embarrassment of flunking this test and go die, okay?” 

Ouch. But also— he shouldn’t talk! 

Even if his grades are low just ‘cos he’s too lazy, not like his records reflect his intelligence.

“Well if it isn’t the three stooges.” Saved by the Bell? More like saved by the Naruto. Shikamaru scowls. “I told you to stop calling us that.”

Sakura’s mood lightens at that. _Looks like Naruto’s been busy._

 

 

And then there is nine. Hinata, Shino, and Kiba make an entrance— what is this a reunion? Said reunion is promptly interrupted by an older looking genin. He gives them a backstory, warnings, and information. The last bit is the most interesting.

At Sasuke’s reuqest Kabuto shows them Gaara’s stats. She’s impressed. Not just by the high level missions but the fact he’s never been injured during one, not even a superficial wound to speak of. That’s something to keep in mind.

Learning that they’re baby genin in the midst of tried toddler genin... well. The exams must be hard but doesn’t the failure say a lot about the Shinobi themselves? No offense to Kabuto but seven times? Who fails a test multiple— especially a smart guy like Kabuto? Things aren’t looking to be in her favor, from what she’s gathered they’re similar in the way they depend on their intelligence. 

 

Naruto seems to be thinking along the same line of thought, or at least, about the chance of failure. Which to him is none, apparently. “My name is Naruto Uzumaki! And none of you are going to beat me!”

The veteran genin glare daggers at Naruto and by extension the other rookies. Ino flips. “What's his problem!” embarrassed, worry— Sakura hums. “Dunno. But he’s right, huh Sasuke?” She’s not sure where this false bravado is coming from but it’s sure the hell better than uncertainty. If no one can beat Naruto by extension no one can beat them. So  minds well run with Naruto. United front and all.

”Hn,” Sasuke agrees.

Ino’s jaw drops to the floor, or at least her radar picks up on that type of emotion. “Take it back forehead! I outta—“

 

 

The Sound village make it on their list of people to avoid, after what they did to Kabuto. The mummy guy hadn’t touched him and his glasses exploded and he got all sick. There was a slight chance of escalating the situation, Naruto wasn’t pleased his newfound friend being attacked but before he has a chance to act— smoke pops, revealing tons of Jounin. 

The proctor, Ibiki Moreno lays down the law.

 

 

Sakura could not be happier. A written test? Yes please.

 

to a lesser degree when the point system is explained. Initially 10 points (100%) every wrong answer is a deduction of a point. Which isn’t difficult per se. What is, however is that it’s a team test. They’ll be graded on all three of their scores pooled together. Sasuke seems ok with this fact but Naruto... his defeated posture and his notorious test taking reputation speaks volumes. 

Sakura skims the the questions, confirming what she already suspected. There’s no way he’ll get this...!

 

Sakura puts her worry on hold, begins solving the problems. If Naruto can’t get enough points her and Sasuke need to score perfectly. Maybe that’ll save them. 

But then Ibiki reveals a twist. If one of them scores a zero, despite the other members points— all three of them fail. We’re going to fail, Sakura inwardly wails. Inhaling deeply Sakura tries to calm down. If only he was seated by her she’d let him... cheat. Glancing around at the wrinkled, distraught faces of her fellows a realization dawns upon her. 

 

That’s the point! Cheating.

 

It can’t be it... why would they encourage a violation of integrity? But that’s just it— Shinobi aren’t known for their integrity, if you want honor become a samurai. 

And there’s no way normal genin would know how to answer these questions— and here she is, all nine questions filled out. What a bitch! She hadn’t figured out the point of the test ‘til she finished and began to consider Naruto’s position. 

But he’s so far away... if only I could use a substitution jutsu to switch our papers... huh. That wouldn’t be a bad idea— but a better one is just beyond her reach, blaringly obvious but never the less evading her. There’s a simpler solution she’s sure of it. 

If she could project her thoughts— no shit.

 

Sakura flips her test face down. A smirk that she can’t stop gathers at her lips. Leaning back in her chair, arms behind her head she makes eye contact with the tough proctor. Ibiki is it?... She tilts her chair back, _no one trips up Team Seven._

 

 

 

 

 

“Naruto ssh! Don’t move.” 

He twitches, and to an outsider perspective it appears he’s entranced with the chalkboard. “You’re in a genjutsu but I’m letting you interact with the outside world so stay calm. Copy everything that’s appearing on your paper, they’re my answers so they should be alright.”

Her neat scrawl stares back at him. Naruto looks almost teary. “Thank me later— just hurry up ok? Short hand answers are fine.” 

 

 

 

Sakurs feels completely giddy as she pretends to examin her nails. What a lucky break. It’s like this portion of the exams are geared towards her. Checking back with Naruto she sees his fininshed copying. Hm, who ever knew she’d be a cheater? This is a rush, she can’t help but think. 

Not a large enough rush to make her want to stay in this stressful environment though. Sakura grins at the proctor, should probably stop doing that before he gets suspicious, but she can’t help it, and raises her hand. 

“Can I get a drink of water,” she asks innocently. 

The rope the tie around her wrists is overkill in attempt to prevent cheating. Good thing she isn’t trying to (anymore.)

 

 

okay, she’ll admit the tenth question throws her through a loop. Sakura’s cloud nine evaporates, replaced by slight worry. If... if she answers wrong her career is practically over. No one wants to stay a Genin forever. Is she that confident in her smarts? Sakura isn’t arrogant enough to think she can answer whatever they throw at her... but she also hasn’t come all this way to give up now. No way.

 

As a result she sits calmly, watches as several genin opt out. it’s contagious because soon there’s a lot less people in the room. 

“Whatever it is I’ll answer it! You don’t scare me!” Naruto points at the proctor. “Believe it.” “Not a question of fear, you’re making a life decision. Think about it.”

”I never go back on my word. That’s my Shinobi way!” 

 

_Cha! That’s right._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo? I think the direction I’m taking the whole Sand Shinobi interaction (Gaara + Sasuke + Sakura) is better than what I first envisioned. At first Gaara was totally gonna blow Sasuke off cos he noticed the “look” in Sakura’s eyes (killing) but I decided nah. I don’t want to make Sakura a Mary Sue, she’s not going to automatically be someone of note. 
> 
> While her skill level is more defined than what it was in canon at this point, she isn’t perfect. Sakura has normal chakra reserves, but since she has great chakra control— her genjutsu thrives. Her body is fit but she still lacks the raw confrontational prowess the boys have.  
> Her greatest strength is her mind as you can see, and she manages to be innovative with what she has. 
> 
> Also instead of throwing the stone at Kankuro. Sasuke throws the stone at Sakura’s kunai prevent her from landing a hit on Kankuro. Just btw. She may be a crack shot but Sasuke is driven is like the terminator wit it in that scene lol.
> 
> What do y’all think about the genjutsu cheating method? 
> 
> Ope— to clarify, Sakura asks to drink water and her actions unknowingly prevents Ino’s mind jutsu transfer to happen to her. Also Oof what’s up with Shikamaru? Stay tuned Hoes.
> 
> Comment, kudos, critique:)


	10. Forest of Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her tongue licks her lips in a explicit manner as it shrinks back to its proper size, no scroll in sight. And she... smiles. At them. A quaking sense of disgust simmers inside her stomach. 
> 
> “We’ll fight to the death.”
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Sakura’s neck snaps, a crunch similar to a mighty branch splitting, giving way to superior force. The pain is crippling as she lays neck dangling dead dead dead— alive, a thousand cuts (wounds weeping, sticky copper) kunai thwack! into her skull inch by inch—
> 
>  
> 
> moist, vile hurling. Sasuke bends at the waist vomiting on the forest floor. Hands and knees (for a moment she’s in the woods of Konaha. Putrid sick dribbling out of her nose) Sakura can’t muster concern, suspended in... in her own death.

 

“If I gotta go squat in a bush so do you Naruto!” 

“Fiine, geez I’m going!”

 

Trying to ignore any possible noise indicating a leak, Sakura hums to herself, tries to recall anything she’s learned about the Forest of Death. Which isn’t much beyond the cautionary tales civilian and shinobi alike share, and of course ‘Don’t Go There.’ 

 

“Oh what a relief that really—“ 

“Shut up! This is my thanks for helping you out?” 

Naruto shrugs.

It’s a nonchalant almost cool gesture that Naruto has _never_ been able to pull off. Not once, not even the times he actually managed to do something sauve. She looks at Sasuke, hoping he picked up on Naruto’s lack of response. He’d been blathering about how awesome her genjutsu skills are and how thankful he is, before they entered the Forest. She even planned on lording it over him a little. No way he’d forget so soon! Naruto doesn't do things in half measures.

Quick to act, Sasuke chucks a kunai, cutting Naruto’s cheek. 

“Hey what’s your problem?” He shouts, applying pressure to the cut. 

 

“The problem is you’re fake— and Naruto can’t take a piss without it being a Thing!”

”You’re the one who bitched up a storm,” Sasuke scowls, as they corner the now un-henged Shinobi. Sakura and Sasuke attack in sync, the guy hardly has a chance for an offensive maneuver. Naruto comes barreling in mid battle, ropes trailing his heels. 

“That was below the belt! He’s mine!” 

A dizzying amount of Naruto’s surround the man in a orange abomination, yelling curses and laughter to the otherwise silent forest. Sakura settles against a trunk of a tree, Sasuke besides her; watching the display unconcerned. There’s only one outcome when Naruto sets his mind to something.

 

“So this is my fault?” She’s not miffed, exactly, Sasuke says questionable shit all the time. 

 

“Get used to it.”

To being at fault or boys pissing in front of her? 

Sakura doesn’t ask though, ‘cos Naruto delivers the finishing blow. He rummages through the unconscious genin’s person. “Awh man! He doesn’t got jack! All of that for nothing.”

”Tie him up Dobe. You two numbskulls c’mere we need a code word to let us know we aren’t imposters.”

  

”It should be something simple,” she suggests.

 

Sasuke gives her a withering look that implies she’s dumb. So it’s like that? Sakura huffs in annoyance. How was she supposed to know he’d be attacked while taking a whiz?

“I’m only going to say it once so listen closely.”

 

 

 

 

she isn’t one to say ‘I told you so’ but as they face yet another Naruto imposter, the phrase would taste a whole lot sweeter than stating the obvious, “That was another Naruto fake!”

 

“Naruto can barely remember to tie his hitai-ate, what makes you think he’d remember a ninken?”

— so, what? Sasuke knew the whole time? That this lady had been spying on them? She should have picked up on that, he did. 

But this imposter is different, her ghastly appearance is unnerving. Sakura recognizes the woman from before the second half of the exam began, the one with the stretchy tongue.

 

“I suppose you’d like to steal our Heaven scroll, wouldn’t you? Since you’ve already got a Heaven scroll!”

How’d she know that? No one saw— Sakura’s surprise is eclipsed by the woman’s next action. A slimy appendage wraps around her scroll, and gorges on it. And unlike Kurenai-sensei’s genjutsus this is distinctly real. Sakura and Sasuke watch, disbelieving of the unnatural behavior. Her tongue licks her lips in a explicit manner as it shrinks back to its proper size, no scroll in sight. And she... smiles. At them. A quaking sense of disgust simmers inside her stomach. 

“We’ll fight to the death.”

 

 

Sakura’s neck snaps, a crunch similar to a mighty branch splitting, giving way to superior force. The pain is crippling as she lays neck dangling dead dead dead— alive, a thousand cuts (wounds weeping, sticky copper) kunai **thwack**! into her skull inch by inch—

 

moist, vile hurling. Sasuke bends at the waist vomiting on the forest floor. Hands and knees (for a moment she’s in the woods of Konaha. Putrid sick dribbling out of her nose) Sakura can’t muster concern, suspended in... in her own death.

Filthy unforgiving... somewhere inside her she’s screaming, it’s not real it’s not— but the breath of death has been given expanding her lungs with this atrocity— she’s dead her body is in the first stage of rigor mortis, stiff and unmoving, the only movement the skittering of insects burrowing in her cold packed flesh

 

Her limbs are a lot less stationary in Sasuke’s arms. He dumps her on a tree, panting. 

 

The slick sound of him wrenching a kunai out of his thigh, the subsequent pained groan he tries to muffle (plucking oversized senbon out of his pale neck) 

“Sasuke...”

 

He covers her mouth. frayed, sensitive nerves hyperactively searching.

Yanking Sasuke by the arm, diving to another tree branch. Splinters explode underneath the snakes body like earth stuck by lightening where they previously resided. 

Sakura arms herself, following Sasuke’s initiative. But what are weapons going to do to this beast? The answer; nothing. The snake freezes, body coiled and... scale and muscle give way to steaming innards. Every drop of sweat frosts on her body as a familiar bow clad figure emerges from the snakes corpse.

 

”For shame, letting your gaurd down! Stay on your toes, like a good prey should! It makes the chase so much more rewarding...” the woman raises her head, pupils slits, “For the predator.”

 

She leaps towards them only to be obstructed by shrunken. “Sorry Sasuke. I forgot that stupid password!” Naruto poses in all his heroic glory.

Thank kami, it’s the real Naruto— no one has that kind of timing. Sakura is less appreciative of his timing when he interferes with Sasuke’s bargin. “Naruto quit! Sasuke’s right she’s too strong for us...” 

“You can’t be Sasuke and Sakura, I know they aren’t cowards. We don’t need to be afraid of this shmuck. Even if we did hand over the scroll... there’s no guarantee she’d spare us!”

The woman chuckles, dark mirthful smile. “He’s right. Why bargain when I can simply kill you and take the scrolls?” Punctuating her speech she drags a bloody fingertip over her wrist. “Kuchiyose no jutsu!”

 

 

 

Trees dwarf in comparison to the scaled serpent the woman stands on top. She had thought those other snakes were huge but this one has unbelievable proportions. It bends, body swiftly coming for her and Sasuke— Naruto jumps infront of him. He can’t make a difference not against this thing but his eyes burn hard into her, _cowards_. 

 

The woman’s large tongue wraps around Naruto’s body, like a malevolent eel, hurling him to her location. Before Sakura can budge a muscle, he slams his hand into Naruto’s stomach. His body arches into a silent scream, a bow threatening to fold in half before projecting an arrow. Naruto’s plummeting and Sasuke isn’t moving, they 

 

 

”He needs us!”

 

 

his jumpsuit tears under her kunai, the noise going straight to her throat, but in the next she sees it hold true, limp body hanging from a tree. 

“C’mon stop standing there! We have to—“ the words don’t make it out, she’s torn between assisting Naruto or facing the enemy head on with Sasuke. Her mind is a frazzled, disjointed affair (leaving either is abondning the other. Lower than trash. Scum.) _what do I do?_

 

 

”Get Naruto, Sakura. I got this.” Sasuke mumbles around a kunai. protect, determination to— Sakura doesn’t argue. There’s no time to waste.

 

Naruto’s weight is an awkward addition, gravity pulling her down faster than she’s used to. Sakura hardly manages to stick a blade into the tree to slow their descent. Bark bites her palms but she doesn’t dare shy away in fear of dropping Naruto— as the shredding of metal fades, the silence; eerie.

 

Craning her neck up, she witnesses the stuff of nightmares. Stretchy elongated neck in the crevice of Sasuke’s shoulder.

”NO!”

 

The... thing recedes back to the woman’s body. (terror— she won’t make it back to him in time)

Sakura drops Naruto into a shrub, making her desperate ascent up.

 

”That took entirely too long,” the thing taunts. It’s body is half melded into the tree, shoulders and face peeking out. Fat boils cover half of the woman’s face but the other side peels, revealing untouched chalky features beneath. It reaches and _tugs_. She is a he. 

Sasuke is on all fours, wracked in intense pain (every molecule bursting)

”What did you do?” She yells. 

“Just a little something to remember me by. Until next time Sakura...” He sinks, becoming one with the tree, gone. She lunges but— the pain is ominous. grueling (and then Sasuke screams)

she doesn’t know what to do. This fact is bare boned, a cleaver between her breasts jutting out from her shoulder blades, and breaking her heart. Sakura allows herself a sob that rocks her body. She cradles Sasuke once more **two pretty dead boys** her feet slide down the trunk, chakra control wavering in her hurry to retrieve Naruto.

 

 

 

 

(she has to focus— she can't fail) (this is life or death) (naruto!) (sasuke!)

  

Sakura’s fingers tremble, unsteady as she finishes the last of the traps. Her insides feel scraped clean, nothing more than a shell. Paper mache body... one hit will do her in. The eminent threat of chakra exhaustion brews overhead but this is the only way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The ration bar she forces herself to consume tastes thick, like peanut butter cementing to the roof of her mouth. Her stomach churns in retaliation. because the food or lack thereof? Overstimulated (reeling bone cold) (acidic warmth blanketing) Sakura clutches her skull, flimsy eggshell beneath her fingers. If she presses hard enough will it stop?

 

cautious feet titter across the forest floor— “Fuck off before I eat you,” she glares through the gap her arms create. “I’m not kidding, beat it!”

The offending critter spooks, running away.

”Is that any way go speak to a helpless animal?”

 

The three Sound nin from before. The image of Kabuto’s glasses shattering, tinkling as it falls. Their names if she recalls correctly, are Dosu, Zaku, and Kin. 

 

Shit. 

“After hearing that I think we need to teach her a lesson. Unless... you hand over Sasuke of course.”

 

 _They want Sasuke_? Just like the other one. Are they working with that man? (the agitated black tattoo, swirling lazily on his neck)

“Over my dead body!” Sakura spits in their direction, solidifying her oath. 

 

“Silly bitch,” the one called Zaku laughs. 

“Well you heard the lady,” Dosu grants. 

 

 

(her traps don’t work) She’s... not ready to die (glancing back at their motionless form Sakura remains in her position) but she’ll keep them safe no matter what. 

 

 

 

 

“I’ll always protect you Sakura.” Green and mean, Lee shows up, defending her honor as a Shinobi and— her teams live’s. He’s making good on his promise that she had considered school yard foolery. 

She’s in awe, as he tears a tree root from the ground that’s at least twice his size; with his _bare hands_. He’s so strong and the fierce way he enforces his promise again and again reminds her of Naruto. But Lee, he’s something else entirely, Sakura thinks.

the hope gathering at her chest is squashed indefinitely as blood spouts from his ears like a hidden faucet is tucked away inside his skull.  He lays helpless on the ground because of her, and he still dives in front, takes the super sonic punch—

three. Three boys. 

 

“Now for the coup de grace.”

 

All alone. There is no one but her. No back up. Not Naruto. Not Sasuke. Even Lee, who didn’t have to fight but chose to because he cares— he won’t get up unless she protects him. The other two... they’ll— but Lee. Her decision is made.

a whine escapes her, the only protest she can manage before

(undoes the twine. Lifts off the top of the box that contains _his_ whispers)

 

 

Kin twists her fingers into Sakura’s hair, the soft slipping as she tightens her grip. “Lovely hair so much more bounce and shine than mine has! You’re a disgrace to all Shinobi...”

Sakura collapses the layer. She doesn’t bother studying Kin’s shocked features— her fingers grasp at air where she had thought hair had been— (kunai sheering off nests of pink, tossing each bunch in the trash) Sakura stabs below Kin’s ribs, and jerks down

blood and intestines spill past her arm, staining her sleeves with body heat. (Kin’s startled disbelieving pain is not the bulging, popped red that she prefers but) flicks blood off her kunai, turns to the remaining Sound nin and smiles. 

 

the kuniochi stumbles, gathering the organs in her arms the same way Sakura had held the boys only hours before

 

 

(she wants)

There is a moment of uncertainty. Zaku recovers first, charging.

him. She wants his eyes

 

 

 

 

She uses the substitution jutsu. Once. Twice.

Kunai tear through muscle, but Sakura doesn’t care. Like a dolt he falls for her tactic, turns his head searching for her new location. But she hadn’t substituted for a third time. She is upon him within seconds. 

These hands are a lot smaller than the man’s hands had been (channeling chakra to her extremities, she thinks it’s valid compensation) pleasure long forgotten runs through her like girls in the nude during summer, as true as the oxygen pulsing through her veins. His body bucks but she’s firmly perched on his chest, front row seat, for the fireworks. red, white, and blue.

her fun is cut short when Dosu sticks his kunai through Sasuke’s face.

 

 

 

 

Sakura rocks back onto her haunches, attention drawn away from her victim. With morbid curiosity she watches.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol short chapter 


	11. The Preliminaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dosu reminds her of a shy child, all sleeves and no words. The material playfully sinks, obscuring her view of the kunai lodged in Sasuke’s temple.
> 
> His stature hardly fits beneath the hollowed tree. Practically stoops over Sasuke, ignoring Naruto entirely.

 

Dosu reminds her of a shy child, bent at the nape of his neck, all sleeves, and no words. The material playfully sinks obscuring her view of the kunai lodged in Sasuke’s temple.

His stature hardly fits beneath the hollowed tree. Practically stoops over Sasuke, ignoring Naruto entirely.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I... I see.” Dosu mutters.

Her lips curl, a single ripple courses through the boys bodies’. Their lack of presence is instantaneous. She waits for him to piece reality together, the simple fact that his target was never there to begin with. His sleeves hang limp. She uncurls her fingers from Zaku’s throat replacing them with the tip of her kunai. And Sakura takes a moment.

 

Satisfaction, dense thawing maw strung around her throat like a medal. (that man was not a monologue-er but she wants to drag her victory over their wounds. grains of insignificant salt becoming a source of agony) but not today.

”Get out of here before I kill him. Take the trash with you,” she tilts her head towards Kin’s corpse. “She’s starting to smell.”

Which is an understatement. The putrid stench of defication wafts across the clearing— she had been in no position before to notice until now. Every gasp of air Zaku takes is tainted with the spoils of his teammate. She smells so bad Sakura can taste the foul aroma in the air. Zaku’s eyes fill with hatred. It’s... her fingers twitch around the kunai in hand, preparing—

“I’ll trade you our scroll if you inflict no further damage to Zaku.”

There is no concern or worry. His request purely a bussiness transaction. There can be many things to be said about the Sound nin, but she supposes, squeamish can’t be one of them. Dosu unflinchingly gathers Kin’s remains and offers Zaku his shoulder. Sakura keeps a careful eye on their retreat, adrenaline staving off by the second.

 

 

 

(Sakura wrings the Earth scroll in her hands, blood and guts smear across it’s surface.) sasuke figures the riddle out. She can’t muster the energy to care, as he orders her to open it up— (her gloves are caked dry, the stained surface of the scroll beneath) she feels tethered to the boys to the now but from miles above, peripheral akin to a kite. Shifty, removed from action.

It had been like that since after The Fight.

She had led Lee’s team to the sloppy Hidden Mole Hole she used to hide the boys, and promptly passed out. They had staid until Naruto woke, which hadn’t taken long. Lee’s team took their leave after explaining what happened to Sakura. Sasuke woke and— “I totally kicked his ass! And then he was like ‘Naruto?’ and I was like ‘Who else, bastard?’ Then all the weird squiggly shit disappeared... now we’re here,” Naruto had explained to her.

 

she hadn’t asked questions.

 

she should be more concerned. That woman... man, thing had... been what caused the tattoo mark to appear on Sasuke, but Sakura couldn’t bring herself to care.

It was hard to, after what she had done.

 

Iruka-sensei takes one at look at them and mother hens. She doesn’t blame him, she’s a particular mess but. They made it. Barely on time as it turns out.

(she doesn’t get a chance to scrub the blood out of her gloves, or strip out of her disgusting top which smells more Kin than Sakura—)

no. Instead they are ushered into the Third Hokage’s speech, no matter how concerned Iruka-sensei appears to be. And it’s all just a smack in the face really. ‘Cos they’ve spent five days in hell only to have been booted into a preliminary round. All the rookies made it. Kabuto. The Sound minus one. They’re all given the chance to opt out. no one raises their hand.

 

 

It feels unnatural to be uninvolved in a battle with Sasuke.

Seeing him get kicked around, chakra sucked, and taunted without being allowed to step in? That nips the despondency that has taken over her in the bud.

In the Forest of Death it had been the three of them, or just her and him, and then only her. She’s their back up, their protection. She gutted someone to keep them safe— to force her to stand by now? It feels like the world is trying to punish her, one precious person at a time.

 

When Kakashi-sensei takes him to medical, she’s relieved. So fucking relieved.

 

The next battle isn’t Naruto’s so she goes to the bathroom. Peels her gloves off, which feels like shedding a layer of skin. One of the boys had wrapped her forearms, which had been subjected to kunai. Her shirt felt disgusting. She smells. Everything about her feels wrong.

Sakura isn’t sure how long she’s been in the bathroom, scrubbing her gloves when Ino comes in.

her worry is at a precipice, a mounted living thing. “Give up. Look at you.”

Ino steps uncomfortably close, none of daggers of their relationship barring her from standing at Sakura’s side. Her whispers are tangible fierce things, leeches suckling at her own soul but Sakura doesn’t move. Ino takes Sakura’s gloves from her. Knocks her hands out of the water, and begins scrubbing.

“There’s no way you’ll win.”

Her words are all bark no whisper. Behind the brusque statements are tells. Whispers of fear for her, _what happened_? — and Sakura is not surprised. She’s always known Ino cared. And she’d been too selfish to destroy that ache, the one that prevented their heated relationship from becoming an apathetic memory.

Her blue pupil-less eyes, a summer day without clouds or sun.

“No. I won’t quit.”

but if she could have, she would. To lay to rest the quivering unrest that is Ino’s emotions. A peace of mind for someone who deserves it.

 

 

 

Ino Yamanaka vs. Dosu Kinuta

 

 

 

(one precious person at a time) Sakura grits her teeth, watching Ino take the steps one at a time. Choji shouts encouragements and Shikamaru offers lackluster cheer. But she’s sure everyone has the same thing on their mind, (she knows what’s on hers)

He saw her and Ino walk back together. Panic rises, squatting over her chest, like a bench press weight that can’t be lifted. Did she put a target on Ino’s back?

“Don't let her go out there he’ll—“ Sakura wrenches her hands away from Team Ten’s sensei. His mouth frowns around his cigarette, perhaps recognizing her as Ino’s acquaintance. “She’ll be fine. Don’t underestimate her.” Choji fearfully shoves a few chips in his mouth, neither agreeing or disagreeing with either party.

“What’s with you, Sakura?”

Shikamaru looks at her, face pulled into one of annoyance. Or assessment. A careful measurement of words (if what she’s picking up on is correct.)

Sakura shakes her head, drawn back to Ino and Dosu. This is not good.

 

“Naruto...”

She stands closer to him, and without hesitation he allows her to. His confidence exudes, nursing her distraught state into something more stable.

“Whatever happens the proctor is there. He can’t pull anything if he tried, believe it!”

 

 

 

”Forfeit, or you’ll regret it.”

“Don’t make me laugh,” Ino shoots back. Her voice doesn’t waver. But Sakura is behind the scenes and Naruto’s— his whispers, aren’t enough to drown out her own doubt and Ino’s.

“Last chance.”

She draws a kunai in answer, legs flexing in anticipation.

 

What occurs next is a terrifying game of cat and rabid mouse. Ino easily becomes the aggressor, shrunken and kunai whizzing with a fatal velocity at Dosu. The problem being he sidesteps or simply raises his arm to block with that... metal thing on his arm. A minute or two goes by like this, and Sakura is splitting with whispers— she can’t find it in herself to care, Ino’s down there with Dosu she has no room to be feel spaced— and. The mouse is a rat and the rat tires of such games.

“My turn.”

 

He throws a shrunken, with lazily form that in no way will create optimal damage with how he’s throwing. but. The weird open palm he ends with— it’s a sucker punch, realizing his intention. Throwing the shrunken like that or at all, had only been a distraction so he could use—

“You missed,” Ino laughed, already snapping out a kunai and in the second it takes for the effects to occur, Sakura knows Dosu did not in fact miss.

The ground tilts sideways beneath her feet, like a seesaw at a playground. Her vision swims (what’s happening to me) and— Dosu is sprinting at Ino full force— _rabbit, reverse ram, boa_ — fingers capture her own before she can complete the jutsu—

he points the cannon at Ino’s forehead. The whispers roar, (Kakashi shakes his head no, don’t and Sakura collapses the genjutsu). Ino has no choice but to concede.

 

Her self control tapers off when her friend collapses.

 

 

(Excited, bated with a dash of) regret. (splitting of the sun) ( _unwanted weeds when god damn it I’m a flower!_ ) (curious concern) (ribbon soft) a single flower, laying on her desk.

 

”You earned top kuniochi but don’t think you outclass me.” Sakura whips around mid step. Ino. Vibrate green vegitation makes her long blonde hair and slim figure pop. Her very nature daring to be overlooked, just try it.

”I hope you enjoyed it because it’s the last time you’re ever going to show me up!”

 

(don’t do it don’t—) Sakura stops, regarding her. “I’m not competing with you Ino. We’re Shinobi, not dumb little kids anymore. We’re through.” The words taste odd, aluminum foul to the teeth, and it hurts to push her away but Sakura should have never demanded to be her rival, _especially since I can’t afford to be that_.

 

“You can pretend all you want Sakura but I know you! It’s not over— until this,” she taps the hitai-ate tied around her waist, “Is on my forehead. I’ll be a true Shinobi and you’ll regret thinking you’re too good for me.”

her whispers... “Okay. It’s a promise,” Sakura says. 

 

 

Cradling Ino’s head in her lap, a thin veil of relief amongst the rage (her ears aren’t bleeding, the distance saved her—) her memories of the fierce intense Ino give way to the present injured and unconscious girl. Sakura blinks back her tears. 

 

“You’re next,” Dosu states as he stalks away.

 

It takes a lot to not hop onto the stretcher with Ino. To apologize for making her a target for not finishing the genjutsu— she’s not critically injured, Sakura knows but all the same it’s her fault.

 

She dutifully watches Shikamaru’s fight against Kabuto. The silver hair nin squints behind empty glasses frames, makes a joke about how ‘Rookies grow up so fast.’ Sakura is on edge. She can’t fail Shikamaru like she did Ino, while the rational section of her mind reminds her Kabuto is a friend. And certainly not a powerhouse. If she can spot the awkward footing than there is no way Shikamaru hasn’t. 

And yes, it’s a battle of wit. Kabuto holds his own narrowly one step ahead of Shikamaru’s schemes. But. The injury the Dosu inflicted during the written exam— it’s enough to tip the scales in Shikamaru’s favor. He says as much, as he incapacitates Kabuto with his shadow jutsu.  

Guilt rottens her thoughts, only granted slight reprieve when Naruto steps into the ring. He’s going against Kiba. Even though it’s just Kiba and not... not someone dangerous, every inch of her is paying attention. Naruto is the only one left besides her— he can’t go too.

Her solemnity is unfounded.

 

It’s safe. They aren’t trying to kill eachother, only wanting to win. So she yells, “Get him Naruto! You can do this,” and she knows he can. And he does win; just not the way anyone expected.

Neji and Hinata’s fight is one sided. They both fight, but it exposes a lot of ill will on Neji’s side that Sakura can’t begin to understand. One sided because clearly whatever will Neji possess’ it is far beyond what Hinata can muster even with Naruto’s belief. 

and then she’s next.

 

Zaku Abumi vs. Sakura Haruno

 

There must be someone pulling the strings. there is no way. No way, that they could have randomly drawn Ino and her. The question is how, there was barely time before or after The Third’s speech to converse with anyone— but she hadn’t exactly watched any fights after Sasuke’s and until Ino’s. Plenty of time to... to, she stops thinking as she steps into the ring.

Zaku is every bit rabid dog as rat described Dosu. The difference being, rats are smart. Sakura tries to remember this. Analyze her opponents weakness

fingers crushing his throat—

but that had occurred under extreme circumstances. He had underestimated her. After what she did to Kin he also had been blinded by anger... (she’s angry too. After what they did to Ino, what they tried to do to Sasuke—)

no. There’s no time to slip into the whispers. That man only had been useful in the moment. Element of surprise is gone, Zaku has sonic blasts and outweighs her by at least a hundred pounds. Close combat will not be in her best interest.

 

”I’m going to kill you bitch! Finish what Kin couldn’t!” 

Zaku holds his hands threateningly, an unhinged smile creeping arcos his face. “I’m not afraid to hurt little girls!” 

He uses one hand to stabilize the other, grasping around the wrist and points. He runs at her at an impossible angle—

 

 

Sakura chakra sprints across the wall, uses her momentum to keep over his head. The sound of cement bursting where she once stood— THINK, her mind screams, as he whirls around to attack once more. 

Close range is off the table, his weapon will burst her eardrums. Mid range is just as debilitating, the blast will throw her balance off. Her only chance is to use genjutsu but... Sakura flips away from the blast once more— winded, that had been a close one, what is she going to do?

Surprise. She needs to gain back control. 

Cloaking herself, wall floor stillness, Sakura doesn’t dare breathe. 

 

 

The earth refuses to budge. Panic frothes at her lips, threatening to spill past. Her plan. If she could hide and wait... (soft overturned soil saving Dosu from Lee’s lethal Lotus.) her idea is suicide if he takes to that—

 

Other Sakuras surround Zaku. They could pass as one of Naruto’s solid clones with how realistic they appear, but Zaku doesn’t take the bait. 

“That trick isn’t going to work on me again. Where’s the real one!” He attempts to dispel the clones but Sakura holds tight. 

“What was it you said? ‘Silly bitch?’ Who’s Silly now?” The Sakuras surround him, crusted in blood the familiar stench of his teammate’s waste filtering throughout the arena. “How does my hair look?” The Sakuras begin shrinking their long hair into it’s usual length, taunting Zaku with Kin’s mistake. “She wasn’t much of a Shinobi and neither are you.”

He’s facing away from her, surrounded by her doppelgängers. 

 

Sakura grabs a kunai preparing to throw—

A sonic wave causes it to be sent back at a breakneck speed— far faster than she can dodge— 

She’s booted from her invisibility, the surroundings torn from her mental grasp as  nausea sends her too her knees. The kunai hilt deep in her shoulder hardly registers.

Sakura dry heaves onto the floor.

 

“I’m Earth affinity. You don’t think I didn’t feel you just standing there? None of the rest even registered.” His sandals tak across the arena, a slow smug pace. “Dosu told me about the genjutsu you casted over your teammates. Impressive for a pathetic slacker like you,” he snags her by the throat, lifting her from off the ground. 

 

(“Fight him Sakura! Don’t lose!”)

 

”I have to pay you back,” one finger brushes the beginnings of deep bruising on his neck, as his other hand tightens around her throat. His smile is a raucous sneer. All teeth and gums. Her eyes bulge, burns—

 

(her tongue lulls out, stomach clenching, legs kicking out with avail she’s)

 

 

Limp. 

 

 

 

 

 

He drops screaming. dusty hand jerks a bloodied kunai out of his Achilles Heel. As he crumples she makes a shallow incision on the opposite heel. In one motion, the earth birthes a filthy girl. 

Sakura drags herself to the writhing man, her counter part laying motionless on the ground— body slipping over his top half to rest her dripping blade against Zaku’s throat. “Yield! Yield!” 

He’s a sobbing, wet mess, barely registers her presence. 

 

It’s an intense twenty seconds where all he does is scream, violent and unaware of the world. Realizing that he’s done Sakura dispels her genjutsu. 

Her unconscious counter part dissolves, joining the Sakuras that had been disrupted when her planted Sakura had been hit. 

 

Standing on shaky feet she ignores the tangible silence of the room. 

“He won’t be getting up.”

“... Sakura Haruno wins due to the opponent’s inability to continue.”

 

Zaku’s screams do not loosen anything inside her. She keeps her head held high, does not spare Dosu a single glance as she returns to her spot between Team Ten and Naruto. They are after her precious people (sasuke ino— it’s only a matter of time before they come for naruto. no one is safe, none of them)

 

 

”sakura— Sakura, that was so cool! How’d you do that?”

Naruto’s amazement is baffling, loud and boisterous. She doesn’t have it in her to explain. turns out she doesn’t have to. “She used genjutsu, the real Sakura was underground the whole time. I’m guessing you purposefully let the other one be discovered?” Shikamaru’s dully reports. 

 _He would notice_.

Sakura ghosts her hands around her throat. She hadn’t exactly felt the Plant Sakura’s pain, but she had to draw from her experience from Wave to make it believable.

 

“Did you have to take out his Achilles,” Choji munches, “coulda faked that too.” Shikamaru turns towards his friend, eyes drawn to the ceiling. “He could have fought through the pain. ‘S Sounded like he had it out for her.” “But both of them?”

His eyes are calculating when she meets them. A silent channel crackles between them, and she just knows Shikamaru already has a running _accurate_ theory about why Zaku acted that way towards her. (Not that it takes a genius to figure it out. Zaku practically spelled out ‘prior altercation’ for the audience.) 

“How did you see...?”

”Your sensei was relaying the events.”

”Yeah, Sakura! To us it looked like he was shouting to himself and... Kakashi-sensei didnt tell us the last one wasn’t you. We saw that one.” Naruto’s voice grows quiet. tight winding— (remembering how he stood there as the Demon Brother crushed her frail neck)

Sakura pats his hand, absently. 

 

 

“Sakura I am glad you have defeated your opponent most thoroughly!” Lee punches the air, smiling. She sweeps his profile. The lack of blood staining his ears in weepy trails or exhaustion, surprises her. It shouldn’t. She’s healed after all there is no reason he shouldn’t be recovered also.

“Thank you Lee...”

His bushy brows furrow. “Do not be ashamed. A Shinobi’s path is bloody. What you did here and in the Forest was necessary.” 

Her response is cut short when he squeals in delight. “Yes! I am up next! I knew if I were to take my mind off things that I would be!”

 

 

She can’t congratulate him, not when his opponent is Gaara of the Sand. 

 

 

It’s not fair. After everything that has happened the siblings had slipped her mind. Yes she saw Kankuro and Temari win there fights, but she also was occupied, thoughts of Sasuke’s mark and then of Sound nin and Ino... of the rest of the Rookies. She had let the threat slip her mind, forgot to hope against one of her people being out against him. 

The horrible mint eyes, brand themselves over her line of sight. Their initial meeting replaying in her memories as Lee celebrates, it is finally his turn.

 

(“Shut up or I’ll kill you.”)

 

If he said that to his own brother and meant it, what does that mean for Lee— who Gaara has no attachment to what so ever?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sakura did that! Lol I was picturing the Kill Bill hospital scene.
> 
> Lol couldn’t fool most of you, now way would Sakura let Sasuke or Naruto die.
> 
> Hidden Mole technique— absolutely not perfected but that is not stopping Sakura! Basically she’s hella weak cos she’s maintaining a genjutsu of her boys under the tree after creating the taxing Mole Hole for them. Not to mention being exhausted in general lmao. 
> 
> And yes! Orochimaru is pulling the strings to make it possible for The Sound nin to target Sakura. Let’s say Dosu and Zaku called in a favor— it also doesn’t hurt that Team Seven intrigues Orochimaru. At first I had a whole Ino/Sakura written out with the same memory reel but I think in this story their relationship is too different to have a cannon rivalry.
> 
> Mostly because Sakura is Ino’s soft spot. Ino is a confident girl— Sakura even declares them rivals (and equals by extension in chap 1) and Ino DOES think it’s because of Sasuke AT FIRST. But because of the whispers it makes Sakura reclusive in some ways— and that triggers something in Ino. An insecurity; her supposed RIVAL doesn’t give her the time of day— and that becomes a deep rooted insecurity. That’s why Sakura feels bad because instead of cold turkey-ing their friendship she morphs it into a friend:enemy rivalry that she doesn’t even STICK TO (to be fair she was young and didn’t understand what she was doing.) Basically their friendship/rivalry etc. is complicated. 
> 
> Anyway, yeah I chose this cos I think this can be Ino’s own wake up call to become a better Shinobi and for her to realize that Sakura has NEVER thought she’s “too good” for her. 
> 
> —First u don’t succeed DUST YOURSELF OFF AND TRY AGAIN. 
> 
> Dead ass Sakura wit the Hidden Mole trick. She still hasn’t managed to make one more than 4 ft deep or half as wide but her ass layer up in the ground waiting for Zaku to take the bait. The Plant Sakura is a genjutsu NOT a henge so he legit thought/felt like he was interacting wit the real Sakura whilst general henges/clones evaporate upon force. The multiple Sakuras were only seen by him but the Plant was casted on the whole audience— it’d be suspicious if they weren’t worried/angered by him attacking what he thinks is the real Sakura. Kakashi knew what was popping cos the Sharengan (excuse spelling error to lazy to look up correct way)
> 
> Zaku doesnt feel her underground cos she remembers how he saved Dosu when Lee tried to do the Lotus, so she was like “Ope cover all my bases” and extended her genjutsu to account for anything he might feel happening down there. 
> 
> Did I say how much I was inspired by that Kill Bill scene? Cos hot damn I was. 
> 
> Now. The whispers of The Demon Brother the emotions and subsequent thoughts, transferred to Sakura while he was choking her. That was very traumatic, and so she suppressed the memory/feelings of him. She “put it a box” to prevent herself from processing. When she feels threatened her control loosens— kind of like when you’re in a flight or fight situation your body’s priority isn’t digesting lunch. 
> 
> So his whispers kind of blend and intermix with HER. His case is extreme because she has bottled it up for so long. Since she “let it out” his emotions will run it’s course and not have such an effect on her anymore (as in it won’t give her random boosts of uncontrollable murderous intentions.) 
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading! I’m always excited to hear you guys are enjoying my story. Comment, kudos, critique! 
> 
> Lowkey this is the longest story I’ve written so far so I’m excited haha


	12. Day After Tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How could this happen? She did everything to prevent forming relationships with them— (those who abandon their teammates are trash.) No! It can’t count! They aren’t her friends protecting them doesn’t mean anything, what kind of person would watch them suffer— it can’t count!

 

The rail creaks beneath her hold, her knuckles straining the leather of her gloves. The idle chatter amongst everyone does nothing to lessen the worn fear set in the cabinet of her chest. 

She is no coward but as the sand billows around Lee’s arm and leg Sakura sees with frightening clarity what Gaara is going to do. She wishes she could close her eyes. 

 

 

 

 

“Lee!” Sakura balances on the rail, preparing to leap down.

”Sakura. There is nothing you can do for him right now. There are times when sympathetic words only make things worse.” 

Her lip wobbles, his unconscious broken body, and he Kakashi doesn’t get to decide that. He doesn’t know anything. “The match is over!” Sakura hurls herself off, landing in a crouch a few feet away from Lee and his sensei. Her anger bubbles, popping like grease in a frying pan as she watches his still form. All that pain, his suffering—

that was uncalled for! It didn’t have to be this way. 

 

“You!” 

The slow, unconcerned twist of Gaara’s head feeds to the growing mutiny in her body. His detached blank face, not a scratch (never been injured. not a single superficial wound) How could he be unharmed when Lee gave it his all? How can he just stand by, unmoved as Gai cradles Lee in his arms as if he can will all the broken bits back into function? 

 

She wants Gaara to feel what she does. How Gai, Neji, and Ten Ten feel. She wants him to collapse under the duress and complexity of grief

 

The loops begin, stuttering (soft crinkling smiling women. eyes kind) (an explosion—)

her scar twinges and the taught connection fractures. 

 

Sand shifts agitated at his feet, searching for a threat. But the loop is intangible a weapon reserved for enemies and last resorts a lesson Kurenai-sensei had drilled over and over. His eyes, the color of rotten yolk, half cooked. Gaara’s memories stretch like raw insides webbed between her fingers. She feels sick as impressions of him dribbles through her own being: ugly and extensive. 

Sakura’s mouth pops open in complaint— clawing from her chest, 

he watches. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Calm down Naruto. Sakura.” 

The two stand, watching as Lee is carried away on a stretcher. Her teammate is screaming questions that can’t be answered. She can hardly contain Naruto’s influence— and it’s so obvious Kakashi has noticed. The thick clawing inside her chest after ‘talking’ to Gaara has not ceased. Sakura tries to tamp it down, ignore them and it’ll go away (but they won’t she knows they won’t they never do—)

Without a word she jumps back onto the platform. Who needs his lessons? Hadn’t he been the one to say words of sympathy won’t help? Turning Lee into some sort of learning block: a cautionary tale for Naruto is bullshit. 

 

Naruto’s whispers follow her. (in the hollow of her ears, shimmying through her existence) and it’s not fair. 

Sakura pokes her legs through the rails as Choji and Shino begin their match. She doesn’t care about the outcome. The worst has already occurred and no one in Rookie Nine has it in them to do what Gaara did. 

 

 

 

She should have known. Dosu must be smirking underneath all those rags— he says, “Over your dead body.” Sakura doesn’t need a reminder that he’s talking about Sasuke. 

 

 

 

The supply closet stinks of bleach and artificial lemons. Her head pinches at the smell but Sakura squeezes her way between buckets and a questionable mop head without fanfare. Her shirt is first to go— her gloves, Sakura chucks her kunai bag at the door. The rank mix of rot and cleaning supplies remind her of a hospital. 

She’s left in an undershirt, and weaponless but the hurt in her chest won’t go away 

Sakura’s breathing is ragged. Each breath feels uneven and not enough. (naruto!) (sasuke!) (jerking her kunai down through muscle and organs) (fireworks) (Ino pale and unconscious) (“the lotus bloooms twice”) (unalleviating pressure in the cavity her heart reigns) Panic hovers between her throat and teeth, a physical unwavering thing.

She can hear their whispers. Sasuke and Naruto’s. Since the Forest. 

How could this happen? She did everything to prevent forming relationships with them— (those who abandon their teammates are trash.) No! It can’t count! They aren’t her friends protecting them doesn’t mean anything, what kind of person would watch them suffer— it can’t count!

(but it does, doesn’t it? She had felt their whispers on her radar— had used Naruto’s to lessen her worries for Ino—)

And Gaara. She messed up, the loops... and she had seen a woman. Felt and is feeling that ugly desperate squelched beneath his bones. The whisper is terrible. It doesn’t align with who she wants to hate. He did that to Lee, but his whisper is torturous and persistent.

 

 

 

“Sakura it’s time to go,” he cracks the door open. Sakura licks her dry lips as her sensei’s single eye scans the closet. Her limbs feel crotchety, she doesn’t question how he knew her location. 

Sakura steps over the shirt and her supplies. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Her throat sticks together. Kakashi allows her to walk in his blind spot, maybe he doesn’t see the startle. The absolute hesitancy to speak. He continues after a moment of silence, “Naruto and Sasuke told me what they could but it appears they both don’t know much.” 

Kakashi’s dry, concise deduction would have been funny in normal circumstances. Now it falls short. But years at The Academy were not wasted. The procedure after missions is to return and report— it had been drilled into them with as much emphasis as the basics. 

“A... man disguised as a woman attacked us. He summoned large snakes to attack, he hit Naruto in the stomach and caused him to pass out. Sasuke told me to retrieve Naruto and while I was away the man... did something to Sasuke.”  (feverish black swirls)

 

”Both of my teammates were incapacitated. I used a modified Hiding Mole to let them recover while using a genjutsu to make it appear as if I was protecting them underneath a tree.” 

(Kin’s intestines felt the same way sticking latex glove clad hands under a stream of warm water does. only warm, sticky, and—)

“Naruto told me Lee aided you in the battle against the Sound.”

 

”Yes. He collapsed because of the Sonic Blast.” Sakura stops mid stride. “I killed the girl.” He looks at her now, eye unreadable. “I didn’t have to— Naruto and Sasuke were safe, but Lee had stepped in... I couldn’t let them hurt him.” 

She isn’t telling him about Zaku. About wrapping her fingers around his throat, channeling chakra to crush his windpipe. The gagging struggle as tried to buck her off— no. That is hers. And he saw what she did during her match. He can fill in the blanks. 

Kakashi bends at the knee her kunai poach thrown over his shoulder. He grabs it, places in her hands. “You’re a good kuniochi Sakura. You did what was necessary. This is apart of our job— we protect and follow orders. In between these requirements there are many unpleasant... actions we must take.” His eye meets her’s. “If you can’t handle it tell me now and I’ll call your match off.”

He rises to his feet. “If you can, meet me on the Bridge the day after tomorrow.” He body flickers away.

 

It burns her that she’s the only one— the only one who gets the talk. Quit? Never. This fucking test has almost cost them their lives. She can only see it through (Dosu had been the one to hurt Ino—)

and Sakura is sure it isn’t about becoming Chunin any more. It’s so much more.  

 

 

“Naruto? He’ll be fine.” She doesn’t know of course, that thing on his neck looks... different. Kakashi told them it’s been taken care of. She rules out immediate death via mysterious mark— but the ANBU surrounding Sasuke’s room is a lot less comforting once she thinks about why they’re needed. ‘Cos that man is after him. And a few measly guards? Is not going to change that. What’s more, his whispers aren’t in discomfort. His sleep is natural, exhausted but not forced.

But Naruto’s anxious whispers are beginning to make her head pound with the effort of not giving in, reassuring him is the only way she can think of to make it stop.

”I hope so...”

 

(Before they leave Sakura visits Ino. She places a single blue iris at her bedside.

After all, Ino had been the one to give her a flower all those months ago.) 

The stem’s fine hairs tickle her bare fingertips. Kakashi had shoved her gloves in her poach but she’s pretty sure he left her shirt. Which is fine— Sakura wasn’t going to wear that one again. 

Familiar silver hair passes by, and Sakura turns to talk to Kakashi, but it’s Kabuto’s silver mane she spotted. She blinks back her surprise and nods at him. The ends of his lips tilt up, the frames of his glasses are no longer empty. When did he get new ones?

”Congratulations Sakura. Your match was... riveting.” 

“You saw? I thought you left for medical attention.” 

 

This time he actually smiles, wry as it is. “My injury is old. When I’m not engaging in combat it’s not that bad.” He looks down at Ino, bangs framing his cheeks nicely. Sakura lets out a gasp of surprise when his hands glow green. A sphere of soft jade surrounds his hands as he nears Ino— “What are you doing?” 

Kabuto let’s out an embarrassed chuckle. “Sorry, habit. I’m a med nin in training. I can heal a bit of the damage...”

She loosens the grip on her kunai but doesn’t stow it away. Med nin are rare, and beyond Genin level jutsu. Her inaction causes him to back away from Ino. “Here I can show you,” he gestures to her bandaged forearm.

she shouldn’t— but if it’ll help Ino, the whispers will be worth it.

 

If she looks hard enough through the green haze Sakura can just manage to see her skin knit together. It’s cool. less, (intrigue. covet, furtive sneak) 

“Why are you being nice to me?”

His whispers are... his actions aren’t from the heart. There’s something more to this. Shifting so that her body blocks Ino from harm, Sakura tries to think. Why would he want to gain her favor?

“Ha. You caught me,” Kabuto shoves his glasses back up his nose. “I can heal my ears, none of this is permanent damage per se... but I have a bone to pick with the remaining Sound nin, Dosu.” His lips tighten, a thin line. “You handled yourself well against Zaku but now Dosu has seen what you’re capable of. I can help you defeat him.”

He let’s his mysterious offer sink in before continuing. “I want him gone. You can do it— as a medical nin I have a few tricks up my sleeve.”

 

Sakura isn’t sure what to say. On one hand she isn’t some puppet that will avenge Kabuto but on the other (she wants to beat Dosu) Kabuto hasn’t led her astray in the short while they’ve known each other— plus, he put up a brilliant fight against Shikamaru... “What would you teach me?”

He whispers a great deal of things into her ear, but before on her radar— he’s up to something. Simple revenge would not feel so deliberate.

“I don’t have the chakra reserves for that. If you’re going to heal her, can you do it now? I have to go.” She hopes he doesn’t notice her lie and hardens her words with impatience.

”Of course Sakura. Just remember if you need an ace up your sleeve, I’m here.” 

 

 

(When she leaves Sakura can’t help but question why he didn’t use that ace after Dosu’s attack. If he pulled what he said he could do— than there’s no way Kabuto woulda lost his match... or at least, he’d have a better chance at winning.) 

 

Ino is restless in her sleep, but Sakura sticks around until she can hear Team Ten lumbering down the hallway. 

 

 

 

The house is empty. Sakura binge watches a civilian sitcom. All their problems are solved within a half hour— two episodes if the arc is special. It’s numbing and easy to laugh at, and her eyes burn from being open so long (and she feels safe to close them against the corny happenings.) helps her to not think of how long mom has been gone. Yes, she’s been away longer before but something feels different (or maybe she’s different, unwilling to be left behind.)

_Sorrow. Loneliness. Those words sound to tame for Gaara’s whisper. Depraved. Mutate all three and that’s the closest I can come to describe in words what I felt. Nothing is making sense— it’s faded somewhat, but if he is all of that, no wonder he did that to Lee. Not an excuse KAMI IS IT NOT but I understood. A little._

_He watched, unflinchingly as if all this hate— fear, and everything else we had to offer is an everyday thing for him._

(She writes about the Forest of Death. About Kin and Zaku of 

of) (she doesn’t mention the second stage of whispers from Naruto and Sasuke)

 

 

‘The day after tomorrow’ is code for mandatory physiological evaluation, apparently. She doesn’t really catch on until they’re half way up the street, the Therapist building looming. Sakura doesn’t care what the building is actually called, but that’s where broken dysfunctional Shinobi go and she is neither. 

“Why are we here? I’m fine— I reported...”

“Relax. It’s a mandatory appointment all Genin go through at this point in their careers.” Kakashi’s body language is languid, unbothered. “Especially for civilian born.”

She wants to point out Naruto should be here too than, since he’s an orphan, and that means he could be civilian too but by the time she’s gathered the anger to back her point they’ve arrived at the door. 

“They’re expecting you.” 

Clipboards. 

 

Oh, they’re nice enough. It’s not like they’re hawk eyed and perched with tissues when she inevitably begins bawling. She doesn’t cry, Sakura supposes it’s because she still feels like this is where broken Shinobi go, and so she’s guarded in case they feel that way too. 

She goes into report mode but the woman shakes her head, “No honey. Tell us how you feel.”

and despite the dumb pet name, Sakura... accepts it. She can’t talk about what happened with Naruto— he won’t get it, he bounced back from the whole Haku thing like it was nothing. And Sasuke? His whole clan is dead. Not much can phase him, and he has that tattoo— Sakura killing Kin is not going to be a major Thing for either of them. 

Sakura tells them everything short of the whispers. They ask if she has nightmares, which yes but she can differentiate them from reality thank you very much. Or if she thinks about self harming because what she’s done or ending her life. No no and no. They don’t show any relief at the news but she’s sure ruling out all that makes their job easier and her session shorter. Though she does begin to choke up a bit remembering that man and Kin. How... happy she was to be alive, and how do you explain that to shrinks?

The best part is, it’s normal. Standard for Genin. No one understands their profession until their first kills... their first real mission. The man leads her through some coping mechanisms, things to do in the aftermath.

the next day when she meets Kakashi at the bridge, he tells her she’s cleared. (Sakura wonders what the standard Shinobi physic must be her’s is decent enough to pass with flying colors)

 

 

 

Libraries are wonderful. Shelves of books, of knowledge and adventure. An escape from reality, from whispers. The ventilation system creates a comfortable chill that has always been one of Sakura’s favorite sensations. That and running her hand over paper, over the soft grain smoothing. The older books tickled her nose and yellowed but they were insightful. 

Or her own hypocritical tics. She hates seeing other people dog ear books, it’s an absolute outrage—! But, she’s also ten times as guilty for it. Bookmarks aren’t always readily available, and for the longest time she’d tear pieces of paper out of her spirals to create makeshift bookmarks; but. But she’d dog ear books, like the shameful person she is. Sakura came to an understanding. It’s not like it hurt the books and besides the bending of pages showed how avidly it was consumed.

The one thing Sakura could not bring herself to do was writing in books. She had tried— other civilian girls, had pretty pastel highlighters and neat square handwriting. They color coded their textbooks, wrote inside books— she couldn’t. It felt wrong. Her ugly scrawl would taint the text, her words couldn’t and wouldn’t convey anything meaningful as what was already inside, ever.

She used post its to annotate. Learned not to give a fuck about her handwriting. It was decent, and besides the Hokage and those with desk jobs, Shinobi aren’t scrutinized over their penmanship. 

Sakura never fooled herself. The kids in The Academy were privileged, born into Clans taught from birth about politics and everything about the inner workings of ninja life. She has worked over time to understand. 

She’s spent so much time here that she knows not only the librarians by first name basis but their kid’s and their kid’s kids. Small talk? They carry on with unfinished conversations from her last visit. She’s even familiar with the Shinobi who have to pull shifts here.

And that’s why she recognizes the man Kakashi introduces her to.

 

”Sakura this is Genma Shiranui, he’ll be training you.” 

The wise ass Shinobi from the library— the one always chewing on senbon like it’s a blade of grass rather than a weapon. Sakura holds back any protests, he’s wearing a flak jacket for a reason, but Naruto has no qualms.

”What about me? She gets someone totally awesome and I get a pervert?” His voice cracks. “Why can’t we train together? And where’s Sasuke?” 

Her explanation of why they can’t train together is on the tip of her tongue, but the combination of her own need to know where her teammate is along with Naruto’s whispers bombard her own intent. “Yeah where is he? You said he’d be fine—“ 

“I will be training Sasuke. We’re leaving today and before you interrupt me,” he glares at Naruto, “All three of you have a chance at making it to the final round. Do you really want Sakura or Sasuke to know what you have been working on?”

”I don’t care I’ll beat them any day!”

”Your chakra control is terrible. You need to reiterate the basics before continuing. I have the sharingan. You’ve seen who he’s up against. And... Sakura is ready to further her ninjutsu skills.”

 

Jealousy prods Sakura sharply in the ribs. Naruto speaks on that to. “Hey you said we weren’t going to learn ninjutsu but Sakura did that rock thing—“ 

“I’m late. See you in a month.” Kakashi body flickers away before either can protest. 

 

 

Childish envy consumes her, and it’s irritating. He wants to complain about a skill that saved his and Sasuke’s life? Kakashi already said he has no chakra control nor affinity for Earth ninjutsu! 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“Between you pissing in the bushes and being oh, unconscious I didn’t have time!” The lie is unconvincing to her and obvious to him, they had that whole stint after Wave... when she had went behind their backs and learned. Naruto must sense this because he’s angry.  the two Shinobi Genma and Ebisu watch them, seemingly unconcerned. 

“Yeah right! Well— don’t come for ramen after training! ‘Cos I’m not eating with you!” 

Is that the biggest insult he can dish? “Wow! What a loss,” she lays it on heavy. 

Naruto’s brow fold in angry lines before stomping away, his new sensei calmly follows. And she’s left with Genma. His disinterested swagger makes her grit her teeth— the loud shifting of senbon furthers her dislike of him. “Now that’s over let’s see what you can do.”

 

 

 

(not much.)

 

Genma doesn’t laugh at her Hidden Mole but she can hear his amusement at her lack of results. “Is that a Mole Hole or a shallow grave? C’mon kid, Kakashi told me you were better than this.” 

Not like he would know— he never sticks around to see if she gets it or not, how would sensei know if she’s good or not? 

Genma demonstrates, signs a blur before disappearing underneath the ground. 

All day. They spend the whole day on this one thing, but she isn’t complaining. The jutsu has already proven how useful it is in the field. Genma merely flicks through a magazine, senbon twirling idly in his mouth, and occasionally gives her pointers. “Squat down more” “direct your chakra to your lower half” 

 

The ground softens, crumbles beneath her. She’s deep underground as she is tall when Sakura lets herself rest. Everything is dark, the air musky. This isn’t deep for actual field use but for now? It’s enough. She hadn’t been able to mold the earth to her in the Forest of Death or during her match.  

(The underground buzzes with... chakra, and life)

It takes a simple push. 

 

Soil parts, dividing on either side of her palm. She can’t see but the chakra around Sakura’s hands do. Channeling an equal amount to her other hand she pushes. The Earth parts. Boldness grows as the implications process through her mind, and she leans her whole body forwards— and walks. 

It’s like running into a door. Her hands make it through, bursting pass the screen door but the rest of her body meets resistance like the actual door would. Her squeak of surprise is muffled somewhat. What did she do wrong?

it worked earlier when... when she channeled chakra to the her extremities. 

Feet and hands are the most common areas to channel chakra to. But, it’s not impossible for it to go other areas— in fact (Sakura closes her eyes, thinning her supply around herself like moisturizer.) Pressing forward Sakura meets nothing, only shifting softened soil. And if dirt caves in a little bit because her hoot of excitement, Sakura really doesn’t mind.

 

“Good I thought you were dead.” 

“You didn’t even check on me!”

Genma shrugs. “You were bound to turn up sooner or later.”

 

 

 _I hear Naruto and Sasuke’s whispers. I’m not sure what to do. I can hardly stand them when I’m in the first stage but now I hear them everywhere! I’m kind of glad we’re being trained separately... until, until I can figure out how to not be overwhelmed by them maybe around less is for the best_. 

Her ink fades, and she tucks her journal under her bed.

 

In the days to come Sakura learns to forego her gloves. They only get dusty and gross. More often than not she chucks her sandals off to, it’s easier to sense what she needs to do that way. 

That is, until Genma-sensei tells her, “Will you lounge about with no sandals during a battle? No. Put them back on and do it all over.”

By ‘do it all over’ he means the aching repetition of burrowing deep into the earth. Her fingers cramp with how often she goes through the hand signs— and they haven’t since she went on the Stick no jutsu rampage. When Sakura manages to complete the Hidden Mole without a thought, he orders her to do them again. With no hand signs. 

 

And it’s not that she can’t not do something without hand signs. Sakura has excelled at signless genjutsu in practice and during missions, while fighting the Sand nin, but. Genjutsu and ninjutsu are two different beasts, neither willing to be mastered.

She isn’t completely unsuccessful. It’s just her success comes in varying degrees, consistent but not at all at the level she needs to attain. And that. That is frustrating. 

(Sakura is tired of the cocky, smirk Genma has— so she vows to perfect it within a week. It’s her third day practicing this technique without hand signs when she gets it. Could do it in her sleep.)

Genma is unsurprised when she finally completes it and continues to.

Her next lesson is a lot less pleasant. 

 

 

“Your opponent has super sonic blasts that will throw off your equilibrium. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best,” he gives her a wolffish grin, senbon acting as a fang. “Try this on for size.”

without warning her whole world lurches. Sakura crumples to her knees, the ground rushes up and her head seems intent on slamming through the soil even though she knows it’s not getting any closer to the ground. Her limbs detest movement, rebelling against her as she tries to gather herself. 

Clenches her eyes closed brings no relief. It’s as if her whole body is spinning, in different directions and speeds, billowing out of her control.

”S—stop, make it stop.” 

 

Sakura’s stomach rolls, along with her lunch. 

“Will Dosu stop because you beg prettily? Adapt. Use the earth to center yourself— your eardrums are busted, you’re ralphing all over the place but. I can teach you another jutsu, only if you can attack me. Right now.” 

Capsized, lost at sea in her own body, but the land is something to hold tight. Moving is disgusting (dizzy so dizzy) her aim is off, probably makes is two feet away and 

and it goes on and on. 

At some point she just lays, face down on the ground, and her whole body spins head over foot (the earth is there and there stretching far beyond what she can sense, deeper than she will ever be able to travel) 

The next day is more of the same. She could concede, yell Kai groan it— hell she could just disrupt her chakra flow _silently_ and it would be over. Tears leak down her cheeks as the day extends, but she refuses to give up. There isn’t really a way to desensitize oneself to this, but through the Earth she feels rather than sees Genma circling her. 

Everyday the perimeter is wider. The lesson is cruel, grueling and she kind of hates him for it no matter how right he is. But she can sense his movement fifty yards away in every direction.

And that’s the point, isn’t it? 

Her balance and vision is compromised but there is another way to keep track of him. 

 

The next step is simple in comparison. She’s a crackshot despite the circumstances as she relies more on the soil than her sight. She can’t know exactly where to hit the person but if she adds an exploding tag— she can throw short or too far and the explosion will either damage or disorient. 

 

 

How does one say ‘I’m sorry?’ 

Sakura has too many people to apologize to, so she picks Naruto because her transgression against him is the most fresh and least complicated. 

He’s exactly where he told her not to come. 

Sakura sits down, across from him, and waits. ( _guess what I have something to tell you!_ ) “Wow! Sakura you’re diirty! And I thought Pervy-sage was working me hard.” He lets out a low whistle. Sakura averts her eyes from the mouthful of ramen but is relieved he isn’t upset with her anymore. Heck she doesn’t care that he pointed out what a mess she looks like. Earth leaves a lot of residue. 

“Haha, yeah that’s what I like to hear! Who’s the dirty girl?” 

A loud, boisterous voice closes in on them. Long white hair cascade down his shoulders, red markings cover his cheeks and... and what the heck! He totally misconstrued the context of what Naruto was saying. 

”Shut up that’s Sakura you’re talking about, pervert!” Naruto waves his fist at the man (defensive) “Who are you,” she asks. 

The ‘Pervy Sage’ is a whip lash exhibition. His lewd expression wilting on seeing her and not the infamous ‘dirt girl’ annoyance at the title Naruto gave him and then content. “I am Jiraiya—“ “Don’t even start that! I’m trying to eat in peace!” Naruto yells. 

Jiraiya looks as if he’s about to haul Naruto out the door and rip him a new one but quickly grabs a stool to sit next to her instead. “So you’re the Sakura. Can’t say I’m pleased to meet you but I have heard a lot of good things.” 

“He’s just mad you’re not a ‘dirty—‘“

”Are you Naruto’s new sensei?”

”Clever, aren’t you? Teaching him all he knows.” The look in his eye reminds her of the one Kakashi gets whenever he’s about to Pat one of their heads. 

“Fat load that is! I’ve barely learned anything! He wants me to summon toads—“ 

 

Jiraiya gives Naruto a dirty look. “You’re trained seperate for a reason.” 

She isn’t paying attention to the scolding because she’s recalling, “Sannin! Naruto— that ‘woman’ was the Snake Sannin and he’s... the Toad Sannin.” 

Dichotomy of response. Naruto is a ‘so, what?’  but Jiraiya’s is a lot more serious. “What are you talking about kid?” 

“I’ve read about you, your summoning contracts are rare. I can’t believe I didn’t realize who he was in the Forest...” 

not that the information would have a made an iota of difference. A Sannin. Why had he been attacking them? Or ordering others to? She gives the present Sannin a withering look, supplemented by Naruto’s confusion. “Why did your teammate try to kill us?”

 

It’s a long story, as it turns out. 

There’s a lot Jiraiya can’t say but what he does is a lot more than Kakashi or any other adult has bothered to. 

In short that man— Orochimaru, defected from the Leaf Village. Mostly he hasn’t caused trouble but he’s also dangerous. And after power. 

Sakura hardly can focus, Naruto isn’t interested or is prone to bouts of anger on hearing information about Orochimaru (so in turn she reacts thusly.) she’s close to flying off the handle her radar won’t stop lighting up with whispers and she calls it a day. 

 

 

 

“Combat will be near impossible by normal means. Yeah, the tag thing was ingenious but you’re not fighting just anybody. But if you can do this—“

jagged brown launches itself from the earth a shade shy from her left foot, as tall as her. “Then we’ll be in bussiness.” 

And because Genma is a natural sadist, he casts the genjutsu. Her world splashes bleeding into motion and chaos— how can he expect her to do that? but his stance distributes casually a few feet away, and— Sakura extends chakra, molding, shoving up

Genma sneezes, dirt showers painting him a dusty brow. (Her spike had been more like oil extractions, all loose soil and not pure rock as his had been) she groans at the exterion, vision wavering (again)

 

Pressure, transitioning into stone surging forth. 

His heel pierces through the earth. No! Thicker wall like stone protrudes from the ground, boxing Genma in. (She would be proud if she didn’t feel so ill—) now a spike! 

To Sakura’s dismay Genma merely balances ontop of the head, unconcerned by the force. He spits his senbon at her. Sakura hisses as it sinks into a pressure point but there are more coming. 

She wraps stone and dirt around herself like bulky armor, like a monster. it does the trick, however. Senbon bounce off. While her armor is sufficient against needles, they aren’t fortified to protect from kunai. Sakura is damn sure not ready for combat. 

His kick would normally knock the breath out of her but as well placed as it is, the stone absorbs the brunt of the force. “Wow!” Genma is a wobbling blur she can’t track but that hardly matters. He’s too fast— body flickers, punch throwing her a yard away— (the impact meshes neatly with her vertigo) but otherwise she’s unharmed. _That’s it_! _Shannaro_! 

Spikes hot on his trail, her heart clenches in anticipation as she caves the ground beneath him, miniature spikes poking out of the sides like a magic show trick—

everything shatters, a fresh wave of vicious  nausea from the sonic blast. Her armor crumbles, blocks of stone and dust at her feet. Sakura places her hands on her knees, attempting to get her bearings. Genma never did that before. The effects of a sonic blast but not the action itself. _His genjutsu made my chakra react physically..._

”Let’s go again.” 

She feels shaky, scraped clean, in a way that reminds her of chakra exhaustion but Sakura nods. “Okay.”

 

 

 

Jiraiya grins at her, which is, well shouldn’t he be helping Naruto instead of laughing that he’s getting beat up? 

“I didn’t know you were a pervert.” 

“You’re the one who told him to hug me! I don’t like—“ 

“Girls can’t be perverts!”

Sakura nearly punches Naruto but he beats her to it, shoves her off him. They stand up. She glares at him. “Girls can be perverts too, Naruto.”

”I don’t believe you! I don’t see any lady around here acting like Pervy Sage.” Naruto crosses his arms, (Duh, girls are way too... tame to be all gross!) and before Sakura can think, _well is it really smart to go out and prove girls are deviant and foul as boys_ , she opens her mouth sneering, “I’ll show you! Now get out of my way, I got training to do.” 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not gonna lie I think it’s hypocritical that Kakashi made Sakura stay back but ofc Naruto gets to go down and dawdle around Lee. Like tbh Naruto hardly knows Lee?? His ass wasn’t even awake when Lee protected them— Sakura would prob be more attached since she was fucking AWAKE when that happened (cannon wise too like tf!). Sidenote: her armor = covering her body in stone looking like The Thing from Fantastic Four lol.
> 
> And aye— Kabuto didn’t out himself as a spy. Surprise! Lol. What’s he trynna do? He’s getting kinda close (mm oh my god, try but I can’t hide it). What do you think he was offering Sakura?
> 
> And yikes, Sakura finally got some therapy. Oof probably shoulda gave her some after Wave but all well. Shinobi need to be functional and proficient and as long as they don’t look to be super unbalanced they’re coo. Kakashi saw she was mostly ight after Wave but after The Forest of Death he recognizes the shit she had to do was rough— yes, sasuke got the shit end of the stick but DAMN well tell me Sakura didn’t also lol.
> 
> Also oof... she’s training to fight Dosu in the 3rd round but dead ass in canon HE’S MURDERED BY GAARA. Bwhaha
> 
> Thnx for reading. Drop a comment, kudos, or critique: hell share my shit also lol.


	13. Funhouse Mirror

 

Naruto’s sexy jutsu and Heaven View had been her inspiration. She’d been watching TV and there had been a dumb montage where a male character drooled over his female love interest. It was juxtaposed by the female lead, Kira having her own montage, except it was less base— and even Sakura has never bought into girly crushes, she sincerely doubted that Kira would only focus on the sentimental actions of her very attractive love interest. 

She heard the girls in her class blab about Sasuke. They were infatuated with his looks as much as the male lead had been with Kira’s. The tv show had inspired her, why not use the target’s own attractions and amplify it? Kinda like Heaven View but more along the line of the books Kakashi leafed through— 

“So what, Pleasure View?” 

 

Sakura frowns at Jiraiya. “No. I call it,” her surrounding melted into a bathhouse, busty naked ladies rush the Toad Sage. “Honey Pot jutsu!” 

A wide, shit eating grin spreads across Jiraya’s face, he opens his arms wide and the women flock to him. 

“Now where’s Naruto? You said if I showed you, you’d tell me!” The illusion ripples, and Jiraiya scrambles after the image. The women disappear, leaving him face to face with an annoyed Sakura. 

She rolls her eyes at his nosebleed. “Obviously it works but we have to find a woman to try it on, and I’ll be right.” 

 

 

Which is why Sakura is toeing the entrance of the Yamanaka flower shop. The old coot made her demonstrate all that just to say Naruto is in the hospital! From chakra exhaustion! She didn’t even think that was possible for him, he’s like a never ending source of that stuff. 

She almost talked herself out of coming, he’s her annoying loud ass teammate it’s not like he’ll notice if she picks wild flowers, roots and all— but. But she hasn’t seen Ino since she visited her in the med ward after the Preliminaries. Mostly because she had been training, but also because Ino reminds her of Lee, how they both didn’t deserve what they got— but with Naruto in the hospital she’d be a real bitch not to visit Lee.

and if she visits Lee he needs the best flowers, especially if that med nin had been telling the truth about the extent of his injuries. 

 

She can remember the first time she stepped foot in the Yamanaka’s shop. 

“Why don’t you fight back?”

Sakura turns, torn homework in hand. She is crying but only a little. The girl, Ino, offers her a piece she had missed. 

“They don’t mean it.”

The blonde bristles, unintentionally crumpling the paper before Sakura can grab it. “Yes they do. I see them push you and make you cry! And you don’t tell the teachers or do anything.” Her cheeks tinge a light pink with all the righteous anger a girl of her age can muster. 

“I cry because they’re hurting,” Sakura touches the spot where mama and papa do their sign of love, fingertips brushing her collarbone hand splayed in the middle of her chest near her heart. “Most of the girls don't mean those things. 

Ino slackens, perhaps realizing the significance of Sakura’s actions. 

“Oh...” 

Sakura gently pries the piece of paper from Ino’s grip, smiling at the (untapped awe and slight admiration) 

“Well— I don’t think that’s effective, but... if you want we can be friends,” Ino offers. Sakura smiles, eyes shining in happiness. “Sure.”

Ino snags her hand, “C’mon let’s go to my shop!” 

 

Sakura had been fascinated with the colors, delicate and loveliness. She’d been impressed with Ino’s knowledge. That afternoon had been the beginning of their friendship.

 

 

Taking a deep breath, Sakura steps inside. 

“What are you doing here forehead?” (Incredulous) 

“Um, to buy flowers,” it comes out more of a question than answer but if her radar radiantes with self assured whispers, so Sakura doesn’t mind. 

“Duh.” Ino smooths out her uniform, the apron folded at the waist so it acts as a frontal skirt. “Why else would you be in a flower shop?” The surge of memories, of the two spending countless hours hanging out had nothing to do with flowers— Sakura can tell it’s not onesided. Ino’s nostalgia is prominent but hidden behind barbs of what they are. 

 

“Naruto’s in the hospital, and so is Lee, I’m  going to visit them.” 

Ino harrumphs, but handpicks the prettiest flowers. ( _can’t let Billboard Brow bungle this up!_ ) “You’re the worst, always picking flowers based off colors to hell with the meanings.”

Sakura forces herself to brush Ino’s hand as she takes the flowers. “No. I know what I meant.”

Friendship. The flower she left meant friendship. 

Ino doesn’t believe her won’t hope to, who needs her anyway— but Sakura doesn’t walk away. “Pushing you away... I shouldn’t have done that.” Ino isn’t shrinking away or refusing so Sakura presses on, “I’m sorry. And I’ll beat Dosu for you.” Involuntary her fists clench, her own qualms bleeding through what was supposed to appeal to Ino’s better side. 

“Pfft, after my sloppy seconds again?” Her snooty persona cracks, whispers peek through, “I... need time to think.”

Sakura understands. 

 

 

The walk to the hospital leaves Sakura achingly pensive. 

 

 

 

She hadn’t expected Shikamaru to visit Naruto. He brought a fruit basket too! Her single flower is almost inadequate in comparison. 

“It’s for Choji,” he grouses, before she can ask.

she wants to tell him he doesn’t have to explain himself. She isn’t. (maybe she should, after everything he’s seen) 

“You going to stand there or are you gonna play?” Sakura glances at the Shogi board, at the game already in motion. She idly twirls the flower stem between her fingers, eyeing the set up, before consenting. She’s in no hurry. Because he’s closest to Naruto’s bedside she hands Shikamaru the flower.

His face scrunches. “What’s this for?” Sakura holds back a sharp laugh, he’s acting like being given a flower is offensive. The tile is cool against her fingers as she makes her move. 

Shikamaru studies the board, flower forgotten on the bedside, eyes shining. 

She’s rusty— it’s been years since she’s played Shogi, it had been a family thing and a sometimes thing at Ino’s family barbecues, and then a thing she saw elders play in the park. Simple strategies come to mind and she mimics them based off memory, it kind of works but probably isn’t going to phase him for long. 

Occasionally he hums, pondering a next move and she reflects on old games and how it might apply here. They’re mostly in silence, besides the gentle tap of tile against board or the shifting of position. In fact if it weren’t for Naruto’s slight puffs not quiet snores, she’d think they’re in the library or some other calming place. Anticipating Shikamaru’s next moves are fun, it loosens the knots training has wrought in her muscles. 

“Do you think the kid will wake up in time for tomorrow?” 

“Hm,” Sakura looks away from his curious move, “Naruto? Yeah. His timing is uncanny.” 

More silence and then, “He’s been here three days straight. You’re just now showing up.”

 

Sakura can’t tell if Shikamaru’s disproving or just his usual, ‘everything is a drag’ but she spots his sneaky double attack, and that leaves her a little forgiving. “I was working on a jutsu, his sensei told me today, ‘cos I came around lookin for him.” 

He doesn’t question why they’re trained separately and she kind of appreciates how he doesn’t need things spelled out. “What kind of jutsu?” 

 

Sakura winces, her stomach tickles in embarrassment which is weird ‘cos she had no problems demonstrating to Jiraiya or at the thought of going into vivid explanations with Naruto (she has a point to make! Also it was basically a bet— also, who’s jutsu would win? Sexy or Honeypot?) but uttering a single word to Shikamaru is a jumble of weird. _He’s not apart of my team and Jiraiya is a pervert he has no room to criticize me_ , but a small part of her says, _oh and Shikamaru does?_  

 

“If you don’t want to tell me just say so.”

”Uh... it’s a unconventional one— not for the Finals if that’s what you’re thinking.” She avoids his attack by the skin of her teeth, domino’ing her own scheme into motion before she picks up where she left off. “It’s... um, kind of like Heaven View but, uh, better? That’s what I’m gathering anyway.”

He falls for the trap, or really, is thinking too far ahead, of all the possible outcomes, the phrase “Check” after so long is empowering. A single eyebrow lifts in question as Shikamaru analysizes his predicament.

”Didn't know you still played.”

”I don’t but you did play yourself,” she brushes off, she only came halfway through after all. He shrugs and in about 5 turns he prospers, “Checkmate,” and ok, she lost but she could have lost way quicker and c’mon what did she expect? It’s been years since she’s played Shogi. Sakura takes the loss honorably and begins to reset the board. 

 

 

Naruto’s tranquil whispers begin to stir, a clear indication his stint of sleep is near it’s end. “Hey c’mere this’ll be funny.” Sakura stands on the opposite side of the bed and motions for Shikamaru to do the same on his side. 3...2...1... “Wake up Naruto!” She hollers. Blue eyes pop open, “Gah!”

Sakura pulls her best uggo face, and she’s sure Shikamaru has his bland ‘This is boring’ expression on.

“Sakura where am I? Shikamaru! What are you doing here? No— what day is it?” He practically wails when she breaks the news to him and she just barely stops herself from mentioning their bet infront of mixed company.

“Why didn’t you wake me up sooner? Ah!”

”Get a grip. Panicking before an important tournament is the worst thing you can do, relaxing the day before is the best.”

Naruto huffs, clutching his stomach, “Of course you’d say that... Hey, is that for me?” The foodbasket basically glimmers at the foot of his bed, stocked with a tasty assortment of food.

“Was for Choji, I went through all the trouble to make him it and his doctors said he can’t have none. More for us, huh.”

”Why’s Choji...?”

”Nothing serious. Indigestion.”

 

Naruto’s relief is genuine, and the easiness he talks with Shikamaru makes her happy in turn. Not many villagers talked to him that way. True to his character, Naruto says they should eat it infront of Choji. 

“I’m going to visit Lee.”

”Okay, we’ll meet you after,” Naruto replies.

 

 

 

 

All types of dirt, soil, stone, and gravel respond to her. Sensing the gait and weight distribution of others comes naturally as breathing now. Asking the Earth to respond is second nature— with familiarity it follows, as long as she gives as much as she takes.

thin coating of dirt becomes comforting, perhaps not socially acceptable but she doesn’t mind it. Despite her excellence at sensing earth, structures continue to boggle her mind. Maybe tile isn’t pure rock, maybe she’s not good enough to feel n control it yet, and that doesn’t bother her

what does is the gritty fluctuations of _something,_  as she approaches Lee’s room. 

 

It’s not unheard of for Shinobi to preform jutsus in their sleep, it’s like sleep walking in a way, but Gai has said Lee has no genjutsu or ninjutsu at all. she shouldn’t be worried but her heart swells in her throat as she barrels into his room.

 

 

 

Sand. the rough unnatural grating had been— had been sand. 

the stuff snakes around Lee’s body, winding like a dry river (almost sentient) (a mind of it’s own) (not a scratch) 

Sakura lunges as she draws her kunai, pale neck killshot 

Coarse mindnumbing pressure freezes her in place, arm encased. Blood vessels in the whites of his eyes enrapture her, and Gaara wheezes a wet sickly tune. 

 

It’s terrifying. She whimpers— the sand twitches, grains biting into her skin— their surroundings melt from the ground up, transitioning into tangy brown and orange sediment. Canyons. She lets a breeze glide through and it tugs at her chopped hair and his clothes. Gaara’s eyes never leave her’s taking no notice of her genjutsu.

good. She needs to provoke him in here to draw the rest of the sand away from Lee in the real world. achingly familiar clawing kicks up, like a rash 

“They’re different. What did you do,” his speech is slow, hacking, painful. 

“W—What?”

 

”You’re a killer like me.” His lips twist, “I smelled the blood before the match began. The look in your eyes the day we met.” 

 

caked stiff shirt (more Kin than Sakura) popping blood vessels, like fireworks and champaign (mawing satisfaction) that man. (placing the explosive tag with a weak oxygen starved caress) memories, sensations— whispers, curl around her like a fist. Fear of Gaara is merely a backdrop; _acknowledge us,_ they coo: if only in her imagination.

”I... I don’t know what you’re talking about!” She grits her teeth as the vice tightens around her arm, it’s all she can do to keep the layer— (here they have distance, his sand isn’t touching her— if pain distracts her the illusion will fold)

”Don’t lie to me.” His breath is hot, wretched.

 

”I disembowled a Sound Kuniochi. Her teammate, every breath he took smelt of her blood and shit.” 

 

“Why did you do it,” he demands.

Because she had to because she opened the box with his whispers because, “They told me to.” This odd phrasing doesn’t puzzle Gaara, instead it’s almost an encouragement. (she had felt _felt_ that he understood at least a little about whispers, and as his expressions contorts her suspicion is confirmed.) 

“He... loves death. Killing is the reason I exist.

 

It’s my reason for living.” 

 

A tremor shakes her genjutsu— she needs to end this. Using Kakashi’s body flicker, hands enclose around his pale neck. Sand blocks her pathway. except it doesn’t, something primal screeches as his eyes blow wide, she is in control here. can feel the little bones beneath her palms, the frightened thump of his heart

 

 

 

 

 

 

every inch of her body is trapped, sand, like a boa constrictor, her lungs feel like bursting— her layers bleed together. looping.

Soul breaking loneliness merges with her own, like paints they mix, creating an ugly secondary color.

 

 

 

( “I was commissioned to kill you... by your father.”

”S—So you had no choice?” A wobbly smile, hope, someone does love him. 

“It is true the Kazekage ordered me to. I could have refused. I hate you, you took my beloved sister.”

 

For the first time he feels physical pain, exquisite, Shukaku carves the kanji ‘love’ into his forehead—

 

Her stitches twinge with the tiniest jostle, but her eyes are glazed, kunai sheering off the ratty pink. can still feel the man’s blood, stained texture of the dead, skin raw from scrubbing. 

Papa liked it best when she wore her hair down. Said his favorite girls have pink hair. Her and mama NO. Father hates them. Wants her dead love only yourself ) 

 

 

The loop is terrible, singular moments, not they quick disjointed ones she’s accustomed to. And they affect her as much as Gaara. Sakura’s vision is unfocused, papa... holds him in her arms SILENT SILENT SI—

 

 

 

 

Fury rips her out of the loops, “Sakura! Let her go!” and “What do you think you’re doing?” 

Naruto and Shikamaru. 

The familiarity of his whispers drags her out of the paradox of Gaara. The crippling loneliness and confusion

He stops clawing at his throat, at invisible hands, the sand around her tightens

“You...” 

All of his sand surrounds her, Lee is safe, her mind is in disarray pain causing her to drool, and Gaara seems to come to a realization. “Tricked me. I’ll kill you and then kill him!” “You think we’d let you do that,” Shikamaru shouts. Naruto is a coiling spring. “I’d like to see you try!” 

 

her words are haggard. “I want to _hear_.” Sakura meets his eyes and she knows he gets it. Maybe not all of it but, he does think there is something inside her like Shukaku. Their eye contact doesn’t break, each razing the others intent, dogged— 

 

“She hasn’t done anything to you,” Shikamaru try’s to reason.

”I have no grudge against her or him. Killing others is simply my reason for existing.”

”You’re a monster— that’s not how things work!”

”I’m a demon.”

”Well I have a real demon inside of me and I’ll kick your ass before you can do a thing to Sakura or Lee!” 

 

 

 

She doesn’t understand why Gaara’s vessel status rocks Naruto. His panic is airborne like spores, the will to fight lessen as he processes his speech— things aren’t looking good. 

 

 

“That’s enough. Save it for tomorrow.” Gai, all 6 foot something of him waltzes in and she’s never been more relieved. Slowly the sand retreats. Gaara clutches his head tightly on seeing the elder Shinobi. Not out of remorse but... 

“I’ll kill you all! Watch.” 

And he leaves, taking the unnatural presence of the sand with him. 

 

She falls to her knees. Several layers of skin have been abraded like the time she played too long in the park, skin rubbed off like thousands of shards of glass made it so. Her neck, hands, and feet burn because of the exposure of air but otherwise she’s unharmed— almost every other body part had been covered. 

“Are you okay?”

 

Sakura tilts her head up to see Gai, his concerned brows furrowing. She doesn’t answer but he must trust that she’s already assessed her injuries because he doesn’t question further. 

 

”Thank you for protecting Lee... that boy would have killed him.”

’You’re welcome’ is an understatement, but protecting the lives of comerades is a given. What kind of Shinobi would she be if she didn’t? Not a good one at all. 

Naruto yells at her, angry. “Why do you always do that? Stop almost dying Sakura!” As heartfelt as his whispers are Sakura refuses the hand he offers, choosing to stand of her own accord.

“Gaara was going to attack Lee, none of my ninjutsu would have worked here. I knew his sand would defend him— a violent genjutsu would draw away the sand, while his mind remained trapped. He’s never been hurt that way before— most likely he would have passed out due to physiological trauma before his sand could finish... me.” 

 

She places the torn flower on Lee’s bedside. Her radar feels as frazzled as the petals. Probably looks like it too. All droopy and buckshot holes the size of grain littering it’s appearance.

“Bit suicicidal Sakura,” Shikamaru runs his hand through his hair. “What a drag.”

 

 

“You can’t just—“

”What? Put my life on the line? I’m a Shi-no-bi Naruto. Girls can be perverts, _stupid_ , and we can risk our lives too. Get used to it!”

She glares at Shikamaru, inadvertently demanding him to back her. For his part he takes a few steps away. “Uh, yeah don’t let wom—sex?” He looks at her as if she might go off on him, “Get in the way of duty.” Than his eyes widen as if seeing Sakura in a new light, mouthing, ‘Perverts,’ to Naruto as Sakura harrumphs, marching away. 

 

“Hey we’re not done talking here!” Naruto scrambles after her leaving the Nara on his lonesome, not answering his inquiry. Shikamaru sighs, watches his old classmates retreating figures.

 

 

 

 

Naruto somehow weasels his way into her house, freely lounging on her couch. It took a lot of explaining to make her teammate drop the incident. He seemed haunted, to a degree which probably aided her in steering him away from the dumb protective brother gag he kept going for. 

“Let’s just watch a movie ‘Kay? They healed me up, no harm no foul.” 

He sulked but didn’t dredge up their argument. “Sasuke’s fighting him tomorrow. What if...” 

“Sasuke’s training with Kakashi-sensei. He’s going to be fine.”

 

Naruto growls lowly snatching the popcorn bowel from her. “Yeah yeah don’t remind me.” Sakura smiles happy that his foul mood is receding. “So you gonna push play or what?” _Why don’t you_ his whispers shout, but than Naruto realizes he has the remote. She grins even harder at the screen.

 

 

_The loops were different. I saw and knew as Gaara would. As... that thing, the demon? carved loved into Gaara, when his Uncle told him ‘love no one but yourself’ (or something of that affect) it changed me. Whispers always hijack me but (here’s where the loops differ) my own memories joined in. My own feelings. In Wave. And I remember how... detached I was and thought of papa and how he liked me and mama’s hair— of his love. And then, Gaara’s thoughts, his feelings for his father changed my own perception I couldn’t escape. Naruto is the only reason I came back._

 

_Before he kept saying my ‘eyes are different’ ‘what did you do to them.’_

_That man’s whispers changed me but they aren’t controlling it’s just me now. When I put them in a box I was so afraid I didn’t want to remember or hear ANY OF IT. When I let it all go... it was like taking a breath of fresh air, or crying. A relief of pressure letting myself focus on something other than containing That Man’s whispers._

_And Naruto’s whispers were strange. Like. He like he was looking in a Funhouse mirror when he saw Gaara. If that makes any sense. Naruto tried to shake it off— it took forever and a whole movie night to make him act normal. Even the Honey Pot vs. Sexy Jutsu didn’t make him happy (we tried it on a civilian)._

 

 

Yawning, Sakura dims her light, hugging the journal to her chest as she slips under the covers. Hopefully she sleeps well. Tomorrow is a big day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little goofy shit to go with the OH SHIT shit, ya feel? Bitches tell me how y’all feeling bout the story so far. In later chaps I’m trynna decide if I wanna HELLA deviate from cannon or nah, ya feel? 
> 
> Anyway thanks for reading. Comment, kudos, etc.


	14. Konaha Crush

  

Feather soft like leaning her chin on one hand, lashes batting against the scrunched up cheek. Ink contrasting against butter soft paper under the light, the kind and time of day that allows for suspension, sleep, or the slow amble through pages of a book. Sakura squeezes her eyes shut, she’s supposed to be up next there’s no time to sleep, and opens them. The genjutsu is subtle and inviting but ultimately not enough to lull her to sleep— and there are actual feather drifting down onto the audience who are sleeping. “Kai!”

 

The foriegn chakra expels from her body, not a hint of sleepiness left behind, or a feather in sight. She’s surrounded by slumbering civilians and... Sand nin are rushing around, attacking Leaf nin. 

Sakura’s mouth drops open. 

Attacking. They’re, _we’re being attacked by our allies_. It’s kind of unthinkable something she hasn’t dreamed of, and wouldn’t be considering if two Sand ninjas hadn’t started towards her. She snatches kunai out of her poach, chucks it at them— they dodge seamlessly but Kakashi is there. Dodging her assault is enough of a distraction for him to dispatch the two quickly.

”Stay here,” he orders.

What like she’s going anywhere else right now? Sakura glances at her companions. Ino and Choji are out cold. Shit. They’re not safe like that... Sakura tugs Ino and then Choji to the floor and beneath the benches. Relative safety, better than what most of the others have. At first glance she hadn’t realized civilians and shinobi are both— unconscious. Sand and Sound go after slumbering Leaf nin and if Kakashi or Gai are too slow— Sakura flinches as she sees the results. _They need to wake up!_

She nearly slaps herself. Idiot! Forming the release sign, she directs it towards the nearest nin. A couple of Chunin.

 

As they begin to stir, she searches the audience for more nin to wake. She swivels around, breaking as many Shinobi out of the genjutsu as possible (she’s careful not to wake civilians the enemy has yet to attack them and don’t indicate they will) soon there are no more within her distance.

”Don’t stop there.” Kakashi roundhouse kicks a Sand nin towards her aisle. “Go wake Naruto and Shikamaru.” 

Sakura ducks to avoid contact with the flying nin, surprised at his appearance. “Sensei?”

”You three have to go after Sasuke.”

 

 

”What’re you talking about?” But she’s already staring down in the arena, neither Sasuke or Gaara remain. Her stomach drops. 

“Sasuke is chasing after Gaara and the other Sand nin. Go wake Naruto and Shikamaru. It’s your mission.”

”Yes sensei.” Sakura drops into a crouch, making her way up to where she last saw Naruto. “Sakura,” he summons a— a dog. A small one. “Take Pakkun with you, he’ll track Sasuke by scent.”

Naruto rubs at his eyes, yawning. She tells him to stay down and she’ll explain later. Sakura hovers over Shikamaru, preparing to release him from the genjutsu when she realizes his chakra has no disturbances. Just pure Shikamaru and that means— “Awh you asshole! This whole time you’ve been awake!” Shikamaru twitches slightly but otherwise remains ‘sleeping.’

She almost howls with glee when Pakkun bites his ankle. That sure ‘wakes’ him up. He rubs at the bite, wary of her anger. “I didn’t want to  get involved. Give me a break I couldn’t care less about Sasuke.”

“Yeah well too bad.” She gives him a steely look, yeah he’s Shikamaru but Sasuke’s her teammate and her mission, and he’s going to get on board whether it’s a bother or not. “Naruto— we gotta find Sasuke he’s after Gaara.”

 

 

“Walk in your foot prints it’ll throw them off our trail.” 

Naruto opens his mouth, but his whispers resound, pinging off her radar and she can’t help but agree. “I’ll do you one better.” She slides their surroundings around them, latching them against the trees and the ground. Focuses the genjutsu on their area. “They’re right on our trail right? Let’s ambush them here and get it over with.”

Shikamaru rubs his face, skin catching at the tips of his fingers. “What a drag. Alright let’s do it.”

Her teammate is on board but they share the same innate need to go after Sasuke. _We’ll get him soon_ , she says through a look, hoping Naruto understands. 

 

“That won’t work. They’re Orochimaru’s men,” Pakkun warns. 

 

“I’ve been training all month to fight Sound. Don’t act like we don’t have a chance.” Sakura’s bangs hang over her eyes, shadowing her entire face as she looks at her comerades. “So what they know our village’s layout but they don’t know anything about some dumb kuniochi do they?”

She clenches her fist, as a spike of earth rises infront of her. “We take them out quick and get on our way.” 

 

 

Sakura manages to skewer two of the nin as they peer down at the dusty foot prints. Naruto’s shadow clones take on three. “Dont baby them! Kill shots Naruto, man,” Shimaru grouses. She collapses the ground beneath another nin— he jumps to avoid but Pakkun bites his arm. The distraction is enough for her to burst his eardrums— (wouldn't Genma be proud she figured out his genjutsu) encases the man within a dome and mashes it shut. 

Shikamaru catches the other two mid jump, in his shadow jutsu. “Little help over here,” he huffs. 

Quickly coming to his aid Sakura traps them to the ground, in a chrysalis structure. “You can let them go now Shikamaru.” He rolls his eyes.

“Eight,” Naruto counts.

 

 

“There’s nine,” Pakkun reminds, her only warning, tip of a blade slides along Sakura’s throat. She doesn’t dare move. For a terrible moment Sakura is sure she’s going to die.

Except the man freezes, withdrawling his kunai and immediately backing away from her. 

“Huh,” she gasps, turning around slowly. 

“What are you waiting for,” Shikamaru sneers, sweat beading at his temple. “My chakra is getting low I can’t hold it for much longer.” Sakura shakes herself from her surprise, the black tale tell shadow stretching from beneath Shikamaru to the nineth Sound nin. She lets the stone solidify around the man in the most uncomfortable vertical position possible. 

“Are you okay?” 

“M’fine... the match used up a lot of my reserves. Don’t look at me like that I’ll be fine. You guys go on, these jokers need to be guarded anyway.” 

 

She doesn’t want to leave him, not in his exhausted state, but the enemy is taken care of— Pakkun says those were the only ones tailing them. And Sasuke. He’s their mission. “Be careful.”

“You lazy bum don’t die,” Naruto shouts over his shoulder, and then they are off.

 

 

 

 

Pock marks crawl, inky black, across Sasuke’s skin. He’s stretched, limp across a tree branch. “What’re you doing here?” and of course he’s still Sasuke even at the brink of whatever this is. 

“Sorry Sasuke, you’re my mission to protect at all costs,” Sakura rolls him his back— he tries to resist but the tattoo takes a lot out of him judging by his clenched eyes, his wailing whispers— and, she socks him in the face. Not too hard: just enough to knock him out. 

“Pakkun, as we discussed.” The dogs growls in affirmation and bites onto Sasuke’s clothing. Sakura focuses on the Earth, of a soft pillowy opening. She pushes Sasuke off the perch, and gravity does the rest of the work. She feels the earth welcome him, swallowing him into it’s depths. She pushes them further down, more deep than she has ever ventured but she has to trust in her abilities. 

 

 

“You!” Gaara— his slobbering, pale body leaps at her, enraged. Sakura substitutes herself with a tree branch. And another— the arm snaps the tree branch in two, splintery hail. 

 

she evades his next attempt, but in doing so is batted across the clearing. Her head connects with a sickening thud against a trunk. Her vision darkens into deep black splotches. Sakura’s head spins, familiar dizziness accumulating. 

Naruto shouts hoarse insults, whiz of sand—

Sakura’s jump to the ground is more free fall than controlled descent, jolts weaving up her nerves instantaneously with unforgiving velocity. She lets a groan. _No time for that_. Soil coils around her body, molding, hardens it into armor with haste. _Target is safe new objective: neutralize threat._  

Gaara smacks Naruto and his shadow clones around, no problem. The thing about Naruto though— he’ll keep getting up. Mouthes form on Gaara’s body, teeth glinting sharply as it opens wide. Chakra jumping to account for the additional weight she blocks the onslaught of razor sharp wind. “I won’t let you!” The wind slices bits of her armor, but she notes, only superficial damage is sustained. White smoke wafts around her, Naruto’s clones hadn’t been as lucky. 

 

The real Naruto clutches at her leg.

Adruptly the wind ceases. The sound of labored panting and shifting sand, a familiar taunt. 

 

Naruto peaks from behind her leg. “Sakura?” She plucks him up, placing him on her armored shoulder. “Watch my back,” incredulity pops at her but she continues, “This is about to get ugly.” 

like a newly birthed colt the loops wobble into existence 

 

 

(Moonlight pools around him as he walks, shame shrouding every beat of his heart. father. Uncle never loved him no one        tried to kill HATES ME

 

clawing, ruthless agony. mother father wants me dead he wants to kill me

 

 

mama holding her tight, papa nothing more than furniture. Nothing there the silence PAPA COME BACK) 

 

 

 

less of an attack and more of a collision, they meet. The two forces bounce off in opposite directions. Sakura scrambles for purchase as branches snap under the duress of her armor, until blessedly a limb bares it. She gasps for air, vision still splotched, the connections urupt end disorienting and no help to her aching head. She’s given a moments requisite.

 

 

Gaara is not as fortunate. Naruto follows his trajectory delivering a powerful punch that causes a tree trunk to splinter and moan on impact. He roars, awakened from his stupor. In retaliation sand punches out clipping Naruto in the shoulder like a projectile. Only his speed is what saves him, his light feet guiding him to safety and out of range of Gaara’s sand. From a distance she can see blood dripping. 

_Naruto_. 

 

A mangled war cry heaves from her throat. The distance splices, as she shoves as much chakra into the stone fist as she can— and punches. Fist, arm and all sink through the transformed portion of Gaara. In her armor her body is less agile, where’s without she could of redirected her momentum, instead it keeps going as the sand demon gives. 

She tries to rear back, jerk the appendage free but it’s too late. Sand tightens and solidifies around it. Sakura leans back with all her might but it’s like she’s stuck her arm in drying and now dried cement. It won’t budge. This takes place in mere seconds, Gaara’s ravenous gaze latches onto her. 

One eye, almost star shaped and inhuman while the other is bloodshot, both jeering at her with bloodlust.

Quick as a viper she strikes— no, places her hand above his rib cage, armor reducing to dust, joins the swirling sand surrounding the two 

 

 

 

 

( Fingertips brushing her collarbone hand splayed in the middle of her chest and near her heart I cry because they’re hurting

 

the clawing desperate emotion rips through him, _some wounds never heal_. )

 

 

deliberately, she spreads her fingers, palming the ache. And she shares. the feedback is abominable— a delicate fleeting hope deterred by years of rejection. hate. his harrowing descent into insanity, goaded and coerced by a literal demon.

That thing burns her radar, vile, momentarily she cannot sense Naruto or Gaara and she is it’s prey— it’s collateral 

 

it nurishes the seed of death, forcing it upon her with a single whisper. The thought of dying is terrifying. mama naruto sasuke ino... she’ll never see _hear_ them again. They’ll (mourn. suggesting love, pain is an indication caring) and this emotion is what breaks her free from it’s hold. It wants her to fail, wants Gaara to be this way. she focuses on love. Love love love feel it, with compassion so true it could be considered cruel she shares, every iota that she can grasp onto and give. 

 

The sand encasing her arm slackens, and she is falling. Sand pools like a waterfall at his feet and that’s the only consolation she receives because the uninventible impact is jarring.

 

 

 

 

dust, billows around her, as she pushes herself into a sitting position, armor falls off like slate. Her head hurts so bad. Concussion. Has to be, she thinks. 

As if hyper aware of her Gaara attempts to attack. Oh. Numbly, she realizes that Naruto is battling Gaara— regular Gaara, infront of her. “Gotta go through me first bozo!” 

Unhinged. “What did you DO?” His voice cracks, eyes flashing wildly— desperately. Despite him being the enemy she... she feels responsible for him, for the hysteric vulnerable way she has opened him up to the world. _How cruel it must be to feel everything that has been denied to you_. 

 

“Gaara— I—“

_What am I supposed to do how does I fix this?_ Sakura struggles to her feet. “I...” her chest aches, claws like a rabid animal. “Let him through Naruto.”

Naruto’s disbelief frays at her radar, and she quakes at the overstimulation. “Now!”

”You’re crazy I’m not letting you—“ his eyes glaze over as she finishes the genjutsu. Gaara shoves him aside with a whip of his sand, practically sprints to her. Distantly she thinks of the detached boy with green eyes, how unrecognizable he has become since their first encounter. It’s her last rational thought. He is upon her.  

 

 

 

 

Sand winds around her feet, his eyes are pinpricks. Raving mad. How they looked like uncooked egg, they appear especially so. Egg with bloody chick inside— although, if the demon’s form has receded perhaps this is an improvement.

Sakura can scarcely think. Gaara stands before her. Sand an achingly slow jaw of death, and her amazing analytical skills fail her. The one thing she has always depended on is _useless_. 

“You’ve— you’ve ruined me,” he fists red tufts of hair between his fingers. Gaara yanks violently as if to uproot. “I’ll have to kill you.”

 

Hysteria bubbles in her throat, foul and quick acting. How could she have been so stupid? Naruto was right. Why did she 

Sakura nearly keels over with fear, nudging her own intentions that have balled many times over in the pit of her stomach. _Come out now, you’ve forced my hand_. As if leaving herself to a enemy nin is as simple a mistake (the last mistake she’ll ever make no doubt) as in a game of Shogi.

 

 

And she sees an enemy— someone in league with Orochimaru, betrayer of Konaha, he tried to kill Sasuke— her hand twitches towards her kunai pack.

”Go ahead. I’ve tried.” Saliva leaks out of his mouth as he says this.

Sakura clenches her fist to prevent taking a kunai, from trembling. She made him revert back— sharing had _changed_ something in him. He hadn’t wanted to kill his Uncle. And— _he’s tried to kill himself_. Her throat stretches tight as a drum at the implication, _suicide_  

 

“No.” 

 

 

 

 

Sakura unclips her kunai bag, it tumbles off the sand winding up her legs and rolls to a stop on the ground. 

 

“I trust you.”

 

and she closes her eyes. Waits. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Quivering, hesitant weight nearly makes her bones flinch out of her skin— through the thick material of her shirt she feels his hand. ( _Trust is not love_ ) but as she looks into his eyes there is hardly a difference.

 

 

 

 

“Gaara,” two voices call. She glances at their source, the two siblings. Sand whirls around him and then he sand flickers away. Her hand drops to her side. 

 

Minty green eyes, like a phenomenon, protrude from the sky. They are gone as quickly as he. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Fourth everyone! Happy middle of tha week for those who don’t give a hoot lol. I’m so thankful to everyone who’s been reading and commenting cos that hella helps— inspiration to continue and just to hear y’all thoughts on some shit. 
> 
> Sooo I have an internship to learn Shoshone so I might not update as often. I have a few chaps in store so I’ll try to keep it spread out enough so it won’t dry up. I’m happy to hear some critiques and any confusion— for ex. That Man= Demon Brother that choked Sakura out, he’s her first kill and homicidal asf which effected her deeply. 
> 
> Also a reminder— the rules of Sakura’s bloodline is empirical. She is going off the little that her father has told her and her own experiences. In the early chaps her dad mentions how she’s advanced, how he himself only got to The First Stage (physical contact=whispers) in his whole life— Second Stage (relationship=whispers on radar), and at a young age Sakura is already in her Second. 
> 
> So sometimes Sakura DOES do things that seem to go beyond established rules of her bloodline but this is partly due because A) She doesn’t know the limitations of her bloodline B) She also uses genjutsu as a defensive and offensive tool with the aid of whispers. 
> 
> I’ll get more into this in later chapters— (a comment mentioned a plot point that is gonna be explored pretty soon hehhe.) 
> 
> So Sakura has done some NEWISH things to Gaara by SHARING her own FEELINGS (whispers) which change Gaara. This ability is hinted at through her Whisper Genjutsu but instead of going bout Shit through illusions she used pure emotion. 
> 
> It’s not something she really realizes but because she PURPOSELY emmersed herself in Gaara’s whispers she kinda wants to do more than just take him out— he wasn’t prepared to feel love no one gave him— she feels this and boom! She gives Gaara the benefit of doubt, to show him he wasn’t just a demon container.
> 
> Idk hope y’all enjoyed ❤️. Comment, critique, share— and have a good week.


	15. Prelude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Added to the ending

 

Naruto catches her by the wrist, blue eyes latched fervently to her’s. His whispers crunch underfoot, mere dust compared to the biting shrapnel-like residue of Gaara’s whispers from within. It’s almost as if there is no whispers to be had, except the tinny realization echos on her rag doll radar, worn and abused but _receptive_.

”Sakura where is he?”

”I took care of him.” 

 

His accusation, silent, gasping— kin in a boy who could have been him. Sakura doesn’t pull away from Naruto though her head warbles with symptoms of a concussion and her hang ups are of unimportance— she... _Funhouse mirror_ (the pressed mint gaze fades from the heavens, her genjutsu snaps and) 

_Did you kill him?_

 

 

and this assumption is fair. On a professional and personal level. He thinks of The Wave Mission, of the Demon Brother’s demise, beyond the “awesomeness” of her battle against Zaku— Sakura feels tunneled. Like, Naruto’s whispers are the light at the very end, warped bright and disorienting.

Shikaku and Kurama (naruto scrubs at his year stained cheeks. pale malnourished hands respond, rubbing black rimmed eyes.)

 

”The Sound Siblings retreated we can’t pursue without compromising our mission.” 

“We had him—“

”Sasuke is more important,” she rips her wrists away, “You aren’t... I won’t tell if you won’t.” 

He shrivels, _she knows_ but her compromise doesn’t make sense to him. Only certainty are questions unanswered and a shrouded identity. 

Incredible tiredness rolls over her. Naruto’s not dumb but she’s lucky he doesn’t get it. There’s so much he can tell, she thinks, before heading towards the rendezvous point. 

 

 

An absurd thought strikes her. Sasuke the dutiful spouse awaiting his precious ones to return from war. He would rather die. The spiteful coiling suggests she’s reduced him to this role— she did remove him from the battlefield. Pakkun and Shikamaru had agreed though, the move had been practical. Yes Shikamaru had been operating on the basis that however life endangering their mission is it was a “mere” rescue and retrieve, but her and Pakkun knew the full danger of Sasuke being abducted... or succumbing to the mark. 

Asuma’s fingers firmly inspect her skull for knots, cigarette fumes easing her focus away from Sasuke. From behind the gentle orange glow of tobacco he addresses the group. “You all did well. Sakura has sustained head trauma, possibly a concussion. Here on out we will be traveling back in Formation Six. Sasuke and Sakura in the middle.” 

 

Pakkun takes what would have been her spot, and as they continue she masters resolve into herself. She’s made it this far. Asuma wouldn’t allow her to travel unaided if he suspected her incompetent. Foliage whirls pass, rush of air and limbs beneath her sandals. She resorts to holding her breath to prevent exhausted pants, her head is a blitzing ache and her radar stretches wide, gaping. Naruto and Sasuke’s whispers jumble and are almost indistinguishable from one another. She tries to ground herself with her rationed breathing but her her _them_  

falling apart implies being put together in the first place, and she isn’t sure if Naruto ever has been. 

 

The Third is dead. 

 

Torn at the middle, Naruto’s sorrow is complete. Heart broken. A mere rain drop amidst an unnatural disaster. Gaara had pushed past her limits but her teammate is bursting through what’s left. (Jiji jiji) mourning disbelieving knowing—

(something unfurls, shifting from the interior of Naruto. searing) the demon’s name is on her lips 

 

Sakura runs. ‘Til his whispers are a mere blimp rising, until the late Hokage is a grandfatherly old man who occasionally sat in on Academy lessons, not Jiji, not this lifeline Naruto has come to know him as.

There had been no one to report to. Elders guarded by ANBU in the Hokage’s office, their village in shambles, and Asuma had led them in— foolishly she had followed. 

 

 

She doesn't go to his funeral. Not necessarily out of avoidance of her teammates... of his ailing raw mourning or Sasuke’s burning anger, but of everyone. Death brings and tears apart like no other, there’s no telling what all of that will do to her. The thought of attending wrenches oxygen from her lungs, sensory overload inevitably impending.

It must be disrespectful— she feels dirty, ungrateful.

but she’s approved for duty (she hadn’t run, no, she let herself be led away)

Unlike her pre-genin injuries Sakura’s rank allows a healer to attend to her, before she had been a waste of resources. Now. She volunteers herself for Diaster Recovery, most of everyone else scramble to attend the Third’s funeral (if he isn’t put to rest they risk tainting his soul in the after life, ‘specially so since he was a man of power.) 

It isn’t pretty. 

 

 

 

 

A Jounin recognizes her from the Preliminaries and put her on Search and Rescue, where her Earthern affinity proves essential. No she cannot magic the rubble from victims but she senses civilians if she concentrates. Her an the Inuzukas are specifically placed on separate teams— location, extraction, and medical stabilization is drilled into her skull. 

Extraction is a team effort. One wrong move and the crumbling structure crushes those inside. She tears one of her sleeves off early on, to cover her nose and mouth, the dust reaches down and curls like a fist. She pulls victims from would be tombs, sport and terrified. Relieved to be alive. Some snot and scream for their loved ones. Sakura is careful to remove herself from them before they can physically demand she go back for the dead (her orders are meant for the living, after they save all they can, only then are they to go back for the deceased.)

 

It’s well into the evening when another team comes for their shift, she’s hesitant to leave, so many are still out there. A fellow Genin recognizes this, “Get some rest. Boss said to be here 6 tomorrow.”

Her team spares a few goodbyes but dispersed without fanfare. Sakura trudges home wonders if there is anything to say. The citizens suffering had been as palpable as the dust curling in her throat. Yet her untouched home, safe. Not a heap of wood and busted glass. 

(empty. And doesn’t that take the cake?)

 

 

 

reconstruction is back breaking work. It’s easier than recovering caviars and survivors— but it isn’t as rewarding either. Though that doesn’t make much of a difference, her radar is a paradox a potpourri of stale and cutting emotion. The taut pull of muscle is what grounds her, prevents her yawning open as Gaara’s whispers are continuously mulled over.

She’s tempted to place his whispers into a box shove it somewhere she won’t have to think and feel them, but the clawing becomes bearable as her own words lessen the latch _I trust you_ , and the physical labor is almost conducts his whispers into a less overwhelming channel. 

 

 

He sticks out like a sore thumb, sans odd restrictive medic garb, it’s quiet obvious Kabuto is not quiet like the others. Makes her job that much easier. “Kabuto,” Sakura tilts her head towards the tent’s exit. He hums in response waving another medic to his patient as he turns to follow her out. 

“Sakura,” he greets. 

“You’re needed in South District.” 

Kabuto rubs at his chin in acknowledgment. “How’re you holding up? I heard you were on Search and Rescue during...”

She frowns, word had gotten around that she hadn’t attended... realizing he expects a response she opts for a reliable response. “It’s going. How you like ‘em?” 

“I like ‘em alive.” Their gimmick sounds odd in his polite glib. Kabuto shoves his glasses up his nose as a form of goodbye. He’d probably hadn’t been to the Hokage’s funeral either, than. Probably stationed in a different area than her since she hadn’t spotted him during Search and Rescue— not that she would notice, she had been occupied. 

 

 

 

 

She isnt there when Naruto leaves or when Sasuke and Kakashi are attacked. She hears from Ino— her shift had ended, feet swollen fingers cramped, and from a distance Ino’s shock of blonde locks look pale pale pink in the fading sun _mom_ but mother has a key and this figure is banging on the front door. 

As she draws closer, Ino. “What are you doing here?” Not to be rude or anything but Sakura isn’t exactly in the mood for company. Ino’s whispers swivel on an axix, and Sakura doesn’t want to come closer, Ino’s face twists and...

 

Ino holds her wrists tightly, pinching the skin between shirt sleeves and gloves, and says, “It’s not your fault.” All without seeming to move. Without Sakura uttering a word just knowing. And she sort of melts into Ino the whispers spin around like harpies cackling as they embrace. (Why is she like this? If only she braved their whispers like she’s doing now none of this would be happening.) 

Together they visit their respective sensei’s and Sasuke. As she stares at half the team comatose she is once again reminded of **two dead boys**

 

 

Her name is Tsunade. Another legendary Sannin. A complete set, Sakura muses, as she and the other villagers line the streets in celebration of the Fifth Hokage’s inauguration. Sakura marvels the woman, Jiraiya at her side (tries to forget the absence creeping at their shoulders, present within absence.)

 

Amber eyes peer into hers, piercing without a glimmer of interest. Did she practice that nonchalant demeanor or did it come naturally? 

The Hokage’s drone is close to dull, Sakura’s palms go slick— her track record isn’t amazing but it isn’t average. Yes, she and all genin have D ranks for miles but besides her teammates she is perhaps the only one who can claim an A rank so early in their career. Not to mention her current work, but that isn’t too special either, many are being put to work in reconstruction. Sakura bites her inner lip as the Hokage leans forward. 

“What isn’t adding up is your report. Genjutsu type and Earthern affinity— systematically destroyed her opponent during the Preliminary round,” her voice fluctuates and drops the lilt. “Yet you wouldn’t apprehend a clear threat against Konaha.” 

Her throat restricts painfully. 

“Nara reports that once you were to retrieve Uchiha and if possible Gaara.” 

Sakura scrambles for an explanation whilst maintaining a proper poker face, if she slips up now— in this current political climate? If withholding Bloodlimit in times of peace is punishable, it will be that much worse now.  “If possible. My injuries would be a liability in an extended encounter, Naruto,” her lie comes to a standstill as the genjutsu she cast on him rises like goosebumps in her minds eye. “Wasn’t ready to do what was necessary. I called it. Our mission was complete.” Sakura holds the truth under her tongue, because technically she had been well within her rights to retreat, as a inexperienced genin and most definitely because her main objective had been a success.

Never the less she’s grateful she doesn’t trip over her words, the Hokage does not look like a patient woman. 

Perfectly manicured nails tap against fine wood, unsastified.

”I accept any form of punishment you deem fit but I stand by my decision.” 

The Hokage let’s a noncommittal noise, “Haruno you have no idea how close I came to rejecting this proposal...” her clacking fingers still, and she reaches beneath her desk. “On all accounts, short of the Third, you are ready.” Practical, field worthy material thud against the desk. Sakura nearly squeaks, her poker face startled into a reflection of astonishment.

”I detest field promotions with a passion but as of now it is what Konaha needs.” 

She hasn’t been found out— she’s... getting a promotion?

”Wear her well, you know what is at stake.”

 

 

Shadows part for him like fine silk, Sakura has no chance to be alarmed— partly due to the mounting elation of current events and this is the Hokage’s tower. At the height of the invasion the Third had fell but the Hokage’s tower had stood, untouched. His knee jerk prescence does not disturb her not with that knowledge in mind. “Shikamaru,” her lips part into a smile that hasn’t surfaced since before the Chunin Exams. “You too?”

Shikamaru sports a matching flakk jacket, freshly minted as her own.

His eyebrows meet in annoyance but he returns her smile, albeit ruefully. “We’re the only ones.” The two fall into step together towards the commission desk. “Do you know how troublesome this is going to be?”

Sakura snorts. He’s not ambitious in the way clan kids tend to be a promotion carries responsibility he wouldn’t care to shoulder. And she gets that. Despite the lightness beyond the ‘glory’ of advancing ranks, their truth sits heavy. The Godaime said it herself. They only were promoted due to necessity. Qualified by circumstance and the frail state of their beloved village.

(of what they will have to do)

 

Sakura pills any false comforts, stress pressed like flowers between her joints and the marrow of her bones. “We’ll be great.” 

There is an uncertainty of course— they can fail terribly, die, or worse but as much as she doubts herself she can’t doubt Shikamaru, who has proven the grit drummed through him when called to action and so has she, yes, _they_ will be great.

Shikamaru doesn’t comment and they make quick work of the short walk to the desk. They have to register as Chunin. A formality, as if they aren’t already registered as such by the Godaime. In all it’s a mundane affair, she’s thankful Iruka-sensei isn’t heading it. He would want to congratulate them or worry, and she isn’t prepared for either option. She allows Shikamaru to go first, Sakura’s in no rush. Instead of parting ways after he’s done he waits patiently to the side until she’s finished.

 

”How’d you figure out his weakness?”

Sakura swallows the cool mochi, savoring the sweetness, as he studies her not unlike one would a Shogi board. 

“How’d you figure out Temari’s?” She shoots back, mood high— he’s footing the bill, she’s eating one of her favorites. Between their celebration and work she continues, “Bit obvious, yeah.”

”Anyone with a brain coulda, but that’s not what... how’d _you_ do it?” 

They’re probably too alike, not many people would find strategies forthcoming as they. Powdery residue clings to the fingertips of her gloves, she notices, and the languid atmosphere is lost. “Chance encounter revealed aspects of the Sand team’s dynamic that were confirmed during the Preliminaries. You saw it too, and Kankuro said as much. I knew a physical threat would draw Sand away from Lee and I built on from there.”

”Kankuro could have been feeding us false information. You bet a whole lot—“

”You would have too.”

Shikamaru doesn’t disagree, opting for silence, a coercion for her to explain further. “Earthern style, Naruto, and a genjutsu. Gaara wasn’t the most mentally sound,” she spreads her hands wide, words bitterly spot on, her chest is squeezes at the assessment.

“Genius.”

”Luck,” she states.

He shakes his head, lips twisting into another rueful smile. “No, you’re just that good Sakura.”

“Don’t say that.”

”Why not? You’re the only who got promoted from Team 7.”

She narrows her eyes. “Same goes for you.”

He waves the comment off as if it’s an annoying gnat. Levels her with bored eye contact. “Not my M.O.” 

“And it’s mine? I didn’t want to be promoted.”

Shikamaru rolls his shoulders, containing an unruly snort, “That’s the beauty of it. Neither of us want it and they’re all vying—“ 

“Oh, so that’s it,” a razor grin overtakes her face. “You’re lazy but pride yourself in succeeding with the least amount of effort while ‘not caring’. But you like this, huh?” 

Shifting under her flinty gaze he leans back in the booth. “Troublesome. I like challenges but that doesn’t change my opinion.” He pauses, “I wonder how Sasuke will take getting saved by ‘Useless’— his words not mine, when he wakes up. And,” he circles back to the root of the matter, “I’m at liberty to say you’re decent.” She mulls it over, of their new shared status, and statistically speaking they are top tier. Although similar the Godaime— “I bet she’s going to fix Sasuke and Kakashi-sensei.”

Sakura slides out of the booth, gropes for her wallet. “I gotta go! Talk to you later.” She throws down a few bills, deaf to Shikamaru’s complaint, “I said I had it covered.” Her stomach bubbles with anxiety as she sets into a dead sprint to the hospital. 

 

He appears unresponsive, catonic, staring into space even as Naruto blathers on with fervor. Blank, and empty. But Sakura senses the resentment constricting around his sternum. She idles in the door frame, adjusting to their whispers: a rush of too much and not enough at once, consecutive, binding one foot in and the other hanging back. Greetings stutter, lie on on her tongue— she had visited Sasuke and Kakashi but seeing him propped up of his own accord (despite the static face there is more brewing beneath a storm) is revealing. How heinous it had been to see them, still and unmoving pale and... 

“You’re awake,” she breathes.

”What’re you doing here?” The shift from light hearted conversation is immediate. Naruto turns to face her. 

Aching hurt rises up, pounds against her radar. Frustration and binding rejection is underlined by fear— she sees the genjutsu, no longer from a caster perspective but as Naruto— (him no not him: looking into the mirror) (their beasts _roar_ as sticky tears smear across the palms of their hands) crying. Lonely. She can hardly meet Naruto’s eyes, her teammate’s similarity to Gaara roils down her spine. Sakura shivers, dropping into a defensive position.

The action draws two pairs of eyes to Sakura’s taut tensing muscles, her failing attempt to slip into a relaxed stance, and, her flakk jacket.

 

Naruto’s mouth opens and closes comically like a koi fish. For a moment his anger and insecurities in himself hiccups, replaced by surprise and even a bit of reverence— the moment is cut short as Sasuke seems to materialize infront of her. He yanks her collar to bring her closer, and his whispers make her stomach revolt. 

(You’re weak. You know why you are so weak)

His eyes appear almost beady in his unsteady anger, as if he cannot pinpoint exactly why he is— only that he feels. 

Glass shatters, chimes, nicks, and she’s hurled straight out (you lack hatred.) 

Earth ruptures, surges forth bursting through the pavement to soften her landing, (thick fury billows like poison from a wound) (he didn’t just?) she howls, radar shuddering, uses the soil’s momentum to launch her up— with a twist she manuavers herself onto the hospitals roof.

soil rains across the rooftops surface followed by a soft thud as she lands, crouched, fingers burrowing into the building before standing. Sakura is seeing red. 

 

“Sasuke,” she screams, a demand, a challenge. 

 

An almost inaudible tacking comes from the side of the building. Followed by a heftier step, “What the fuck! What are you doing—“ and Sasuke faces off with her as Naruto huffs behind, disproving and gobsmacked.

“Take that off.” 

Sakura stands tall, short of sneering, as Sasuke stands impassive before her. There’s more to this she knows but emotions are running high, a delirious affair beset by “No.” They circle one another unconsciously, she isn’t looking to defuse the situation. This has been a long time coming hasn’t it? 

“You haven’t earned anything. You’re pathetic.” 

Sakura bares her teeth, what could pass as a smile. They are a series of blistering motion. Quick, evenly matched. She groans in frustration— neither land a blow, not from lack of trying either. Rapid, a short amount of time has transpired as the tide turns, they leap apart back to a verbal bout.  

“No one in their right mind would promote you.” 

“Hm, guess the Godaime didn’t get the memo.” Her throat squeezes with anger, the kind where speaking takes effort. “Why can’t you be happy?” 

His eyes flash, glassy. 

 

 

It’s not really about her being a Chunin of course. 

 

He rushes her, aggressive melee in mind. The whispers rustle beneath Sakura’s skin. “Attacking a superior Shinobi is capital offense, you ready for that?” 

Sasuke’s nose crinkles in disgust. “I don’t see one.”

good, Sakura thinks. 

Fists, knees, elbows, and feet. Not a slug fest. She’s too slow to avoid a roundhouse kick, instead she directs the blow to her shoulder. It stings and probably leaves a wicked bruise. Briefly their eyes meet as she snatched his calf, burning, as she punts him across the rooftop. 

The water tower shudders, a slight clang, indicating he gained control of his flight towards the end. Landed feet first which means— Sakura pivots mid air, ducking beneath his left hook— jabs the soft underside of his jaw, cha! He rockets up, roof cracking as he lands. The grim set of his mouth not as rewarding as it should be. 

Lightening crackles in the palm of his hand, an erratic symphony. Vibrant hues of white and blue compliment his pale profile, hair defying gravity as static and chakra accumulate. A physical representation of the mess. 

She doesn’t hesitate to call the leftover soil. Quickly the dirt wisps around her fist, a cloud of brown before hardening into a heavier material. 

Naruto has a grip of iron on her left wrist. Huh. She almost forgot about him. “Stay out of this Naruto,” Sasuke reprimands. She can’t help but agree, twisting her hand away though he does latch on once again. 

“If anyone should be fighting him it’s me! Both of you need to stop—“

and, he has never been or will be a true diplomat Sakura figures. He’s always needed people to see things his way, he’s so sure what he believe is right. Well. Them fighting shatters the fragile hold on being okay, and. She doesn’t care. Sakura turns away from him. “I will put you under a genjutsu if you don’t let me go.” 

There.

Hits a chord, the last time not far below the surface. He looks almost physically sick beneath all the rage. 

(That makes all three of them, doesn’t it?) 

“You did it on purpose?” 

 

His words are stolen by the rush of air, she and Sasuke practically leap at one another so it is not his hoarse lilt that snatches her attention away from Sasuke. The wicked quell of his whispers, bursting like an overflown damn is what does. 

Lightening crackles, flares past Sasuke’s reach and she and him mirror one another, fists drawn back— there is no time to worry about Naruto’s attack. instead, Sakura reinforces her Stone Fist with another surge of chakra

(Blue. blue white, _Chidori_. Blue chakra _Rasengan_ ) ( _Stone Fist_ ) panic strikes at the forefront of her throat, Sasuke is close enough that she can see his eyes widen (naruto realizes he’ll tear through them both) and they. They can’t stop. 

 

 

she spits out gravel, probably will have to pick some out of her face too. Naruto’s groans as he tries to wriggle his arm out of the water tower. Kakashi threw Sasuke threw the rooftop door, which... is merely a crumble of brick. Sakura files this in a matter of seconds, and Kami is it— it’s better than the alternative they are so fucking lucky. Her relief is quickly stomped on. 

 

 

“I don’t need this.” He spits this, leaps off the roof— acts as if he doesn’t care they survived, he’s a fucking _liar_. Kakashi follows him, and she and Naruto are left unbearably alone. 

Sakura allows her Stone Fist to crumble in the silence, they stand side by side before Team Seven’s wreckage. Desolate. Disgusting. Betrayal. “Say it.” She demands, anything to make the whispers stop. 

“That you’re stupid? ‘Cos you are!” His eyes flash, venomous. “First time we’ve seen you since— and you, you—“ 

(Naruto’s stomach bulges, alight with flame) (gone) (knows about me) “Sasuke’s more important? You’re the one trying to kill him what’s that about? And... you did that on purpose. I can’t stop.“ he scrubs at his face and she recognizes the movement from the genjutsu. Her guts curl _oh no_. 

“I can’t stop thinking how you’re like everyone else.” 

“No.” Her voice is rough, desperate. “No Naruto I’m not,” she had heard. In some manner that he felt this way and she had hid. Had signed up for Search and Rescue, Reconstruction, solo. Avoided them— (him?) “What was I supposed to think? That we’re friends? Sakura you didn’t come back! It’s ‘cos I’m,” he clutches his stomach, “The Nine Tails.”

Fear curdles in the apex of the matter (his... his fear is tired, resigned but pleading not to be confirmed. not Sakura. All of them are the same) 

Her speech comes out as a sloppy whine. “You’re my teammate! I regard—“

”You flinch when I’m near when I touch you!” “I don’t like being touched by _anyone_ , listen. I’m not lying!” 

Shudders, bends and she nearly screams no no no no because he is not seeing reason. Memories, knowledge, logic. He just. Doesn’t. Doesn’t bother because he is breaking (the force of a thousand villagers shunning, sneering, thinly veiled hate worn like a second skin he will never shed)

“I needed a friend— you’ve never been my friend.” 

 

 

Later, she wishes she had pointed out, he would have doubly killed Sasuke. Not even Tsunade could have recovered him after her Stone Fist and the Rasengan. Or, all the times she had tutored him, The Forest of Death. All the team dinners— she can’t be near him she can’t she can’t, but she can’t be near Sasuke either! Please understand—

 

they are no longer in a time of peace. She remains silent, bound by whispers. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I FINALLY updated, and ooooh yeah. So I have several emotional arcs that need to be cleared up— with Sakura knowing Naruto is a demon container— her genjutsu that she put him under so she could “fight” Gaara exposed Naruto’s status. Cos she was busy wit Gaara the genjutsu reflected Naruto’s own subconscious thoughts aka him thinking on how alike the two are. After the genjutsu was collapsed all that conspired in it catches up to her.
> 
> So Naruto knows Sakura knows he has the Nine Tailed Fox.
> 
> Sakura’s radar has been overloaded which is why she dips out when naruto begins to mourn The Third. She can’t handle it— a shitty friend thing to do but it’s for her mental health.
> 
> So when all three finally link up in the hospital shit sure tf goes down. Just FYI the Naruto/Sakura emotional beef ain’t over, that shit is purposely going somewhere but it may take some time to resolve as Sasuke is taking immediate presidence— he’s trynna dip soon. Itachi just kicked his ass, called him weak and tortured him— he is not in the best mental place rn. And he sees Sakura as weak and here this bitch is waltzing full Chunin fit on and everything
> 
> Oooof looks like Sasuke is about to be Naruto’s favorite cos lil Saku and Naru are beefinG. 
> 
> Thank y’all soooo much for comments it’s hella cool to see what your thoughts are on my work. Keep reading hope u enjoy!


	16. The First Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They shouldn’t be top priority, not in comparison to their precious Uchiha with his magic eyes and his master. But there is a bounty on her head anyway. He brings back the posters ‘Wanted Dead or Alive’ with the signature Leaf stamp. She doesn’t make any Bingo books like her teammate but the village used resources to color her hair pink and even the blue and black color scheme of her clothes. and Sakura thinks, huh.

 

The first year is the hardest. How could it not be, they’re nuke nin. Missing nin are a dime a dozen. Or a nickel a dozen, since there are two of them. And that’s part of the problem, the Leaf Village for all it’s faults produce not a fourth of the Missing Nin in a combined pool of the Five Great Hidden Villages. Not accounting for outliers such as Orochimaru, or the other Sannin— who’s abscences are loyal, not rogue. In any case, a missing genin and a fresh faced Chunin are hardly memorable, and technically they won’t fetch a high price— _two nuke Konaha nin_ , on the other hand, turns heads.

Still.

 

They shouldn’t be top priority, not in comparison to their precious Uchiha with his magic eyes and his master.

But there is a bounty on her head anyway. He brings back the posters ‘Wanted Dead or Alive’ with the signature Leaf stamp. She doesn’t make any Bingo books like her teammate but the village used resources to color her hair pink and even the blue and black color scheme of her clothes. and Sakura thinks, huh. If they’re so interested why haven’t they seen any Leaf nin, but posters don’t lie. 

She really isn’t that important. Yes, traitors should be punished no matter the level—  really? Is she that important to Konaha? They’re expending resources that she knows the village doesn’t have, recovery from Orochimaru’s attacks has been slow and by all logic they shouldn’t waste time on her or him.

All of that doesn’t make the first year hard. Being on the Lamb, trying to put as much distance between them and Konaha, is simply put, a bitch and a half. It just is. Between escaping bounty hunters and scrounging enough money for meals: it’s rough. It really is. And the whole Konaha conundrum bothers Sakura, her fucking logic, man— her logic doesn’t stop a Konaha nin from blowing her fucking arm off. 

 

 

 

Logically, wow, speaking of outsourcing the village, the Konaha shinobi that attack them are fucking a far way from home at this point, and she doesn’t recognize a single nin. Not that Sakura has time to card them or anything. They make quick work of the pursuers, and oh look at the cute crowd of children who don’t realize that they’re the bad guys. 

 

 

 

Boys and girls surround her, chattering about how ‘cool’ she is and ‘rock punches!’ (She corrects them, “It’s called Stone Fist technique.” And she is fucking proud, they are pretty amazing, she’s never seen another Shinobi use this kind of technique.) 

Sakura has smacked the nin so hard his skull caved in. She swept the area in a genjutsu for the civilian’s sake, and besides one sharp eyed villager the majority only see an unconscious man. 

Little hands caress her Stone Fists, slapping and pinching to test it’s resilience and she lets them. Not many Shinobi come through these type of backwater villages, let the children have their fun. Except, one kid. One hangs off her left arm and she tries to shake him, without y’know hurting the sap.

and that’s when chakra the size of a receipt ticks— it definitely doesn’t belong to any of these kids— and there’s an inherit part of her that kind of knows things aren’t right, but also how innocent and defenseless these children are (as the exploding tag, well, explodes she manages to stick her arm into the air while creating a dome over her head and all the children; except the one that won’t let go—)

 

the kid and _her arm_ splatters against the dome, and she— her fucking arm. Is gone. 

 

Kids are screaming, her dome crumbles because, well who has the energy to keep that thing up when she’s looking at the space where her arm is supposed to be?

 

jagged bone protrudes out from a wreath of red wormy muscles... each nerve is alight. Pain sizzles down the cables binding her to each sensation, and it’s her arm but areas of her scalp hurts where said cables connect. Grinding into a mess of, of... 

 

Beyond the initial injury there is nothing, nothing she can remember, like where her forearm wrist fingers palm annoying pink arm hair should be. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bedsprings

creak beneath her as she shifts, her vision is picked cotton ceiling. Haze of medication deepening the dehydrated frog state of her throat. She makes out a glass of water at her bedside. 

 

Condescion makes her grip slip, Sakura brings her left hand to steady the glass

 

scabby pink knob magnifies briefly through the glass there is no hand to steady the cup (and then she is screaming) liquid

douses her bedsheets, her clothes— her arm. Her arm is gone. _Where is it_? 

Kabuto rushes in, glasses reflecting light, and she knows no more. It happens and happens again and again and again each time she begs _pleads. Let it be a dream Kami please._ To every god and goddess imaginable. and it’s not. and not and not, remains to be her truth.

Somewhere between the dispersion of the medicated cloud and when Kabuto runs out of painkillers and the phantom pains, Sakura knows what a huge mistake she’s made. Not huge; colossal. Because nothing raises the stakes like losing an entire body part. No amount of medical chakra can ease the throbbing, sweat pooling in a palm that doesn’t exist, or— and she braves it alone. Withering twist under moist sheets and stale air full of anguish. (is it bravery if she has no choice?)

 

 

 

 

She had told him as they left, “I’m not looking for a friend. Just someone to escape with.” And Sakura gave Konaha one last look before turning her attention to him. 

Kabuto shoves his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “You flatter yourself, you’re much too young for me.” 

as a companion and the supposed lover he made a lark of. but. during the medicated mind numbing phase he had no choice but help her to and fro (toilet, shower, a simple walk around) changing her bandages. And she mulls over his secretive whispers as she gazes at the stump. Angry knobs, the bone that Sakura supposes is her elbow joint. She curls her body around... around her arm, what’s left of it that is, and she stares. 

She hates what’s left

(what’s gone) and no matter how doped she was the whispers merely foggy impressions. they hold fast, and Sakura knows setting out on the Lamb with Kabuto was a fucking mistake. sakura sometimes just stares at the ceiling. 

 

In red ink it’s circled in a sharp decisive flourish. 

 

**I’ve never seen a wild thing feel sorry for itself. A small bird will drop dead from a bough without ever feeling sorry for itself.**

 

She tears the page out of the book, crumpling it. Easy for him to say— he isn’t the one missing an entire arm. Sakura almost rips the rest of his reading material into pieces— poetry and medical books alike. Screw him! Screw the Konaha bastard who did this. The dumb fucking kid, there hadn’t been any of their nin after them, Konaha doesn’t use guerilla tactics (Shinobi her mind stresses, have no morals, even the little Leaf Village.)

 

 

 

In hindsight, she should have never let Sasuke go. What horrible luck did she have to stumble upon him leaving the village? 

 

 

 

 

 

“I want my arm back.”

”Sakura... even I don’t have the power to—“

”Teach me!”

 

her chest heaves, stump twitching, (flexing into a fist, veins thrumming with blood) but nothing is there. So it kind of looks weird as it tries to act out a command that can’t be carried out. 

She fists his shirt with her good hand and his eyes widen, protests silenced. (dark and awful) pity? Sakura twists the cloth drawing him closer, violence rearing as his whispers spell anything but remorse or hesitation. Her eyes reflect in his owlish glasses, muddy green pricks. “Everything. Those medical textbooks I read them— I will find a way.” As if saying it makes it true, like a promise she won’t break.

Kabuto smiles. “Teaching you is going to be tedious... are you sure you can stomach the process?”

she has never been more sure in her life.

 

 

It makes a terrible sort of sense, really. Bad things follow thirteen. Yeah twelve had been sort of rough but things didn’t fucking suck until she turned thirteen. She got her period, killed several people in ‘Konaha Crush,’ became a missing nin, oh and got a solid portion of her left arm blown off. 

Thirteen. Maybe she should have given twelve another go around. Birthday cake sporting candles celebrating 12 II. 

Probably would have saved her a lot of trouble. 

 

 

 

The world doesn’t stop just because her arm does. They’re still missing after all. She may not trust Kabuto— not after the bed rest whispers, but there’s a lot to be said about the men you rely on. They’re in this together. 

The first couple months he does his best to protect her, far more than she has been taught to expect of a missing nin. This soft weakness may be attributed to the fact that Kabuto had been Konaha. She’s sure if they had been from Kiri or even Suna he’d have cut her loose, hell, might’ve struck up a deal with a Bounty hunter. 

He doesn’t.

Debt is not a good look. She may never have been groomed with the express purpose of inheriting the Haruno trade but she has lived all thirteen years of her life with her mother’s whispers. And that’s just as well. She knows the ins and outs of such things, specifically, that the accumulation of debt is a sign of 1) entrepreneurship 2) failing business. Or somewhere between the two extremes as trading is a fickle as the customers. The same applies here. Although failing will not result in financial ruin, more along the lines of death or improsonment. 

She can’t rely on him forever, debts must be paid, and due to the fact he’s lugged her dead weight ass through enemy territory— she’s an investment. It’s disturbing and reassuring all in one go when Sakura thinks about it. 

She is not afforded the luxury of being useless. When the immediate teeth clenching pain is over, her mourning cut short: she is not. Not useless. 

Genjutsu has been one of her bartering chips, reason enough to be partnered. 

One slip up had cost her. (Tries not to think of Kurenai-sensei’s glittering scarlet eyes _what would she say to me_ about her arm— about her defecting?) She is at a physical disadvantage but that does not rule out her ace. As soon as she is able Sakura sweeps them into the background civilian quarters, rural villages, under the noses of Shinobi. For weeks. It’s a testament to her chakra control, to her training, to her will. 

When she’s isn’t studying Sakura trains. Her balance is off, defense and offense is something else entirely and now she understands why so many nin retire after injuries—

but she will need to make it work for her.

 

cherry blossom explosion (thick, pink petals flutter around.) as they choke her opponents vision she escapes 

or cherry choke— who said she’d be any good at naming her techniques— the flowers whirl around the victim. Petals settle gently onto their body, fragrant and beautiful. She uses earth to encase them, what they think are harmless flowers are really her ninjutsu (until they creep into their throats and—) 

Those are her favorites. Perhaps because they are showy and reflect her namesake. Buys her time to burrow underground but remain useful. Problem being of course, that there will always be someone _better_. Genjutsu types are rare but efficient, someone will wise up and dispel her genjutsu and then what? She’ll be fucked and owe Kabuto even more. And she can’t let that happen.

 

so she’s back in the business of calling upon the Earth. She perfected signless manipulation but both as a bitter reminder and a, ‘Hey you still got an arm/hand to make signs’ she does them one handed for a while. Just because she sort of can, even if it’s only half of what they used to be. 

Sakura supposes it’s pathetic. 

Not as pathetic as Kabuto having to show her how to dress the wound, massage, and generally take care of it. He has terrible bed side manner, she learned that quickly. He may have stuck around but he is anything but sweet or comforting _understanding._

 

 

 

A cripple is what gives her the idea. An old fisherman, craggy wood leg clunking. Something she has never seen before— Konaha wasn’t exactly innovative in the medical field after The Slug Sannin left. 

Sakura is pretty sure it’s her first time seeing a prosthetic. 

And if this fisherman has one, why can’t she? It rabbit holes from there. She follows the fisherman home, probably scares the life out of him, but who can resist a little girl one with no arm asking to inspect something that is relevant to the state of her life?

Not the fisherman, bless his soul.

 

She doesn’t brag. Sakura is pretty sure she’s a genius. Her IQ is phat. Kakashi, Sasuke, hell Naruto— they’re what people consider prodigies. They’re born with it. Can someone be born with knowledge? Ok— there’s the flaw in her whole theory, in her ‘Oh I’ve earned everything unlike so-and-so woe is me I have no arm’ cos obviously the Nara’s are born with their genius. But whatever. Her teammates can keep their prodigy status’ she’ll take genius, thank you very much.

‘Cos inevitably her whole prosthetic idea is busted, the arm she commissioned (from the village they happened to be in at the time) doesn’t last a SINGLE fight against rogue nin. (Oh yeah— rogue nin are just as bad as the bounty fuckers. Rogues like picking fights, mostly ‘cos they’re physcos but that’s another theory entirely.) 

 

Her prosthetic is cleaved in half. She’s pissed. Kabuto offers no suggestions and she hates him because he’s supposed to be teaching her but all these dumb fucks keep coming after them—

anyway, the material, wood is trash. 

And here’s where the genius card comes in. Sakura molds earth into the likeness of her old prosthetic (studies the fuck out of the inner workings) and boom. Stone Arm technique. Expect it isn’t really a technique, more of a compensation but whatever. 

In a way it reminds her of Kankuro’s puppets. Not in so much that she utilizes chakra stings but the fact she must manipulate the extremity with precision. She wonders if Gaara would excel at her task, his sand control had been superior to her own Earthern ability. 

The fingers aren’t as responsive or dexterous as a true limb, but it’s better than nothing. It makes fists and she’s still a crack shot with the kunai and so Sakura guesses it’s good enough. She has fought tooth and nail to gain back an inch when she needs to go a mile— but she did it, she’s figured something out and it’s not what she wants she isn’t satisfied but it’s _something_. 

at the end of the day, she still doesn’t have an arm. When they’re hunted like dogs the strain of maintaining a functioning arm scrapes the bottom of her reserves. Really the success is a mixed bag, neither a real win or loss. 

and it’s the little things too.

 

Writing in her journal without a left arm to smooth down the next page is awkward, her penmanship suffers. Feels wrong. Or how occasionally she tries to lace her fingers together, there’s this moment like— why’s it taking so long? Duh, because there’s nothing there. Stone Arm helps but it’s not really the same, no matter how familiar the hardened material is to her. Or how she has to cut all her sleeves down to size, otherwise they kinda just hang about. 

 

 

she wonders if Naruto got her letter. If he let Team Ten read it like she asked. Or if Kakashi has to confiscate it and turn it in as evidence (she wonders if they believe she’d leave just because Sasuke defecting was her fault) 

 

 

 

 

The first year is the hardest, because she has to learn to live without her arm.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twisty twist bitches!
> 
> Bet y’all didn’t see that coming. And yes, shit is purposely ambiguous as to why Sakura is now nuke nin. I mean she’ll probably reveal the full ass story at some point. Oof also Sakura refers to a man as a cripple— which is super not cool, and I apologize if that offends anyone.
> 
> Comment what y’all think, seriously reading what y’all have to say is the highlight of my day lmao. If I actually finish this fic I’ll have a lot of editing and smoothing out, but for now I’m just rolling wit what I got lol. Thanks for all the support so far ❤️.
> 
> Have a good day/night.


	17. The Second Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Animal and human abuse. Not vividly described but heavily mentioned.

 

The second year is bloody. Fitting, as wild thing would never coddle it’s offspring, neither does Kabuto. 

He dumps five dead rats in her sleeping bag. Congealed blood flakes onto the material and the stench of death isn’t far behind. One slides down her covered knee before settling onto the top of Sakura’s ankle, and it’s _gross_ but she can’t balk. She asked for this. (teach me everything) a hint of acknowledgement wavers  and Kabuto proceeds. “Make them dance.”

Hardly instructive— not the firm hands on of Kurenai-sensei, or complete absence of Kakashi, not Gemma’s attention— but Sakura understands. She bathes in theoretics, feasts on medical scrolls, and has the burn to learn. Procedure and diagnoses flutter about but more importantly options. This is another problem to solve. How does she want to solve it?

Sakura squirms out of her sleeping bag, grasps at her Stone Arm before connecting it (she’s reminded of how mom used to grab her glasses first thing) and gently lines the Test Subjects. Sakura has all but forgotten Kabuto’s presence as she delves into the arduous task of solving her problem.  

 

chakra hadn’t been enough— one subject is void, unable to do more than jerk in place. She had thought to utilize the Sand’s famous technique. Foolish in hindsight, Sakura frowns before disposing of the ruined subject. 

Her second hypothesis is obvious. Electrical currents in the brain cause body parts to move. And while technically she succeeds in making the rat “dance” it’s not good enough. This subject is also disposed of on the grounds of not being good enough.

Sakura scribbles a new, better theory before finally— finally deciding to put it to test an hour or so later. Thorough. She had rushed the other two attempts this time she’ll succeed and her training will continue.

A mixture of the two methods. Use the rat’s preexisting system to initiate movement while assisting by feeding chakra to the stiff joints to respond to the electrical pulses. It’s not life, they are too far gone for that... (three rats) (three blind mice, she thinks, as they jerk to attention before flowing evenly the more she practices.) 

Sakura’s pretty sure harming animals at a young age (or any age for that matter) is a sure sign of physcotic tendicies but she demanded and she needs. And hasn’t been squeamish since... since when she wonders.

 

It’s dirty, gross, and cruel but it’s something that has to be done. 

 

 

 

hair tickles the sensitive flesh of her throat, elegonating matting (she can’t scream or breathe) tears sting but even those do not fall as they are latched near the hair— soft curls around Sakura’s body, plush and... Growling, a  harsh rumble rocking her into further hysteria.

”You left me,” and she wants to say no. No she didn’t— not hair, fur. Orange, orange and scathingly hot like Naruto’s beast (Naruto...) 

 

and if she has nightmares about animals exacting their revenge... of _Naruto_ well. Well she is under Kabuto’s watchful eyes, and she cannot flinch. 

 

 

She’s allowed to graduate to living things far more quickly than she anticipated.

Many die, overwhelmed by foreign chakra. Their immune systems self destruct trying to rid their bodies of her intrusion. Sakura is glad she cannot hear animal whispers, because she isn’t sure she’d ever sleep again if she could. The ones that do make it through her healing scamper away, the ones that die. They make a good meal. Sadly the output of dead outweighs the numbers of reasonable meals and she takes to the rudimentary villages and sells them.

Passion. and guilt is the, there’s something about torturing little fuzzies and not so fuzzies that doesn’t sit completely right. This is for her and they are suffering— healed but traumatized. So she pushes, exhaustion be damned. Only makes her stronger. Who else can maintain a territorial genjutsu, Stone Arm, and healing all at once? besides. Meddling with nature is not the gut check Kabuto mentioned. 

He sits at the lip of their camp, one eye trained on her and the other on a book. She resists glaring at him— whispers, they brew but don’t release, there is no relationship to be had between them friendly or otherwise— though, she feels indentions like a mosquito bite that itches. 

He tells her this is nothing. And he laughs, “If you hadn’t runaway you could have been the Godaime’s apprentice.” 

Pointed, sharp. Sakura recoils by snapping the wriggling rabbit’s neck at the comment. Funny. ‘Cos isn’t he all too happy to be her teacher, he knows why she can’t go back. And isn’t that the point of mentioning...? Calmly she reattaches the vertebrae and nurses the creatures stale chakra with her own, stoking life into its body once more. 

 

The sight of the mangled couple’s body, the crushed ribs, white poking through rotting muscle— is not what disturbs her. Even as her stomach clenches and throat lurches with sick there is the trained analytical side, assessing— but the empty unfulfilled husks. That. (She doesn't take her gloves off but she can imagine. sees her papa’s guts pooling out of his side, braving a scarlet smile and gone gone. Silent as an inanimate object nothing)

She carefully steps away from the bodies, reality stretching like a worn rubber band.

”Graphic, isn’t it?” Kabuto gives her a boyish smile, as if he was teasing her with a frog or something equally as childish, and not, not two human beings. 

“Well. How’d they die?” And she answers, far more easily than she would want to admit. The quicker and more precise she describes the subjects the less she sees papa. (It’s not enough.) 

 

 

She simply can’t. 

Can’t bode their whisper. they will haunt her, and she will keep tucking them in boxes. Until there is no room left inside for her. Sakura will become a procession of victims of pain and this thought, is what decides it for her. technically, she only needs to heal herself. The problem thus lies in experience. One does not just regrow a limb. That comes with practice, knowledge, and a vast amount of chakra. She has two out of three. 

Her kunai juts sharply against her forearm, a slight pinch as she adds pressure. Droplets begin to gather around the blade but no true damage is done. She can stop here, can take baby steps to ensure she can— but (but she thinks of the animals, of her mother, and Kabuto would disapprove of kiddie gloves.) Blood spurts as muscle gives way. Sakura’s breathing hitches as the pain licks up her sensors, _oh_ , and there’s so much

her Stone fingers hover over her ruined flesh. She feels feint. As if she is peering at the world from behind glass. the world is muted, colorless. twisting, aching monstrosity. Something is wrong she shouldn’t have

 

the familiar glow of medical chakra does not spring forth. It does not sputter, nor flicker. It simply does not come forth. Miscalculation. Her heartbeat pounds weakly in her ears, she was wrong, and _will I bleed out before Kabuto finds me_? Her panic snaps her out of the reverie forcing her into action.

Her palm molds into her wound. it is seamless yet horrifying. She lets out an involuntary shout, the sensation— as she tries to begin typical medical administration. Sakura bites her tongue as her appendage leaks into the wound. **Healing**. 

Directing chakra through her rapidly oozing Stone Arm, Sakura concentrates on knitting her muscles together, realigning veins with the aid of earth. Her Fist had softened and became mud like before molding, joining and... the flesh is a few shades darker than the rest, but smooth. There is no hint of the soil only her own body. Pain lingers nowhere as she flexes and wriggles her fingers. 

Literally on the other hand, she is not as lucky. Her fingers and part of her palm is missing from her prosthetic. Which makes sense, if she thinks about it. 

_Medical chakra wouldn’t come forth when I called it— dumb I didn’t notice until now, I am right handed. This problem never came up during the other subject testing because of my preference. Not so easy when you’re slitting open said hand/arm, eh?_

_In any case this is a phenomenon I have yet to read about in the med scrolls. There is a lot of potential for ‘this’ and I’ll have to do more trials to ensure that this isn’t some sort of fluke.... we are closer to what I seek. The avian may prove to be a problem though they do have their uses._

Sakura winds her journal into a genjutsu before tucking it into her bag.

 

 

She doesn’t tell Kabuto her plan. Instead she is a second too slow evading Hunter nin’s needles. Doesn’t roll with Bounty hunter’s blows, resists and in consequence receives grievous injuries. 

She mouthes whimpers from behind a mouthful of iron, clutching a fistful of medical chakra. It hurts. But how else will she truly learn? Healing in a controlled environment is one thing but during a battle is another. She’s careful enough to not injure her good arm, after all she needs to keep up appearances. 

He notices. 

There’s a satisfied smirk on Kabuto’s face each time she is dealt a death blow. Or a debilitating wound that would cause another to stutter, to fall as their body’s fail. Not her. He laughs. “You were paying attention all along,” and she assumes he’s speaking of his own fighting style. Capable, of course against these back water advisories but in a tight spot he does not shy away from injuries. Why should he?

Whatever is inflicted he can heal. 

From what she recalls Kabuto has never shied away from pain. He’s used to it, and she thinks maybe his unorthodox fighting style and his... research methods is why he had to leave. Konaha would never allow such a genin to exist. To thrive amonst their ranks. 

“Would you have accepted less,” she asks.

Kabuto hums at the back of his throat, nudges his glasses up his nose, lips shifting into satisfaction. 

 

Privately, she heals quiet differently.  

Although allowing herself to be injured by others is most likely a form of self inflicted injury being the actual one to harm herself is... different. She enjoys succeeding but succeed she breaks bones, dislocates her shoulders, concusses, guts herself and takes out her Achilles heel (as homage— That Man in hell must be tickled pink her arm got blown off) and lights herself on fire. about a billion other unpleasant shit too but those in particular are the most memorable. 

She wraps the best genjutsu she can manage without alerting Kabuto to fluctuations in her chakra, and goes ham. 

 

 

 

 

“Bit past your bedtime isn’t it,” Sakura hops from her post a few feet ahead of Sasuke. And it is him— his presence is as recognizable as an impending high tide. Her radar had eerily receded, as if there was something someone coming. Sakura has stilled her pacing, waited. There. Not something but someone. 

“What are you doing here?” He spits.

As if weights have been attached to her being, heavy it sits. Sakura manages to tap her Chunin jacket with the tips of her fingers in answer. “This is the only road out of the village. Someone has to patrol it.” There is no flinch in his whispers as her voice carries, far too snide; as if she was telling him, ‘Duh two plus two is four.’ Instead his emotions curl, a hymn for— ( i’m an avenger )

Circumstance can’t be ignored for any longer. Although she... she could be wrong— he’s here to heckle her about being a Chunin. Quickly testing the thought she says,

”You're not going anywhere on a night like this would you,” not a question. A warning despite the neatly wrapped delivery. His eyes are slits shrouded in oblivion. Desperation like nails on chalkboard, rear up. Behind the double speak they no she are dancing around this.

Sasuke walks past her.

As if a flip has been switched, everything seems to tumble from her control. Rips from the bottom of her stomach. Fear. 

“Don't leave us. We love you— why can’t you see we’re your family?” (Itachi) “Don’t walk away from me!”

Her screech hollows in the night, a single anomaly in an otherwise serene setting. Sakura’s voice breaks on family before scrambling for a sense of authority by demanding. His retreat stills. He may be trying to leave but he’s a ninja at heart. Sakura turns. (so many reasons to stay, to accept that he’s  moved on. He smiles and plays ninja like they belong with his team when his family are dead dismembered, sprawling and mother and father auntie and uncle ”You’ve gone insane!” Brother.)

_His brother did this_

 

“Sakura,” Sasuke’s lips razor sharp, pressed into a fine line. His pack is far too small, good sandals on not the beat up ones he sports for D ranks— there’s a billion other details and she feasts upon them hungerily, anything to not hear them. to hear the truth.

“This has nothing to do with you.”

“I don’t believe you!”

 

no, she does, their team isn’t why Sasuke is leaving, he isn’t lying. it’s probably the most heartfelt and honest thing he has ever said to her. This cold, backhanded remark, a cross between explanation and apology if one knew what to look for. He shouldn’t apologize. There shouldn’t be a reason to, and she wishes she doesn’t believe that he would even consider leaving (is leaving)

 

flickering between her own agency and them whispers and Sakura

 

This is not a debate. or a matter of convincing sasuke to stay. There is no confliction in his whispers, merely a resignation. A hateful need. Her lips form a silent confirmation, brother, and the battle is lost.

 

Nothing to do with her or naruto or kakashi— everything to do with his blood, the village he faces every morning alone

 

and it hurts so bad. Because they are not enough. Wrong! (Blinding blue shine of Naruto’s eyes) (Kakashi’s aloof droll) (naruto-sasuke-her heap) (dragging them to safety) (fist fights) (ramen) (making fun of Naruto) for half a moment, love and comeradity soaks his whispers. The layers wind around Sasuke, all at once a continuous replay. scarlet eyes swallow oblivion, “That won’t work on me anymore Sakura.”

Her chest crumples in desolation, each breath is ash in her lungs. His Sharingan broke her whisper genjutsu. he’s never done that before. and Sakura yells in the way only people facing impossible truths can. “You don’t have to be alone! Me and Naruto don’t care if you have to kill him! We’ll help you know we would!”

”Thank you.”

A schism splits the earth between them, or at least that’s what it feels like. This will never go away burrowed in every nerve, a parasitic drive

 

Some roads you have to walk alone.

 

“I’ll give you a head start,” the words come out hot, depraved. “Only this once.” Sasuke’s eyes smooth obsidian, lips curving into a familiar smirk. as if he knew she’d see it his way. The familiarity burns, and Sakura wants to curse him, to alert the whole village with her screams but she doesn’t. She offers a solemn nod.

“As if you have a choice.”

 

But that’s the worst part. She does. She is more than capable of deterring him— it’s her duty. She will be hauled into questioning when his absence is discovered, as this is the only viable exit... and she will have to tell the truth. Or a version of it.

 

 

Duty.

 

 

It tastes like blood, sweat, and tears.

Duty? What had duty meant to her that night? Not enough, Sakura thinks, as she kneels over a hemorrhaging mother. The child wails in Kabuto’s arms. He had left the woman to her. (cracked dimming) (her whispers are torn velvet) (a son please let it be a son,) and that had been this woman’s duty. 

Is it worth her life? 

“My mother— how is my mother?” The girl, Ruri? attempts to slip past Sakura and into the birthing room. Kabuto bars the girls entrance. “Speak with my apprentice she needs her rest as you can see.” Ruri I nods vehemently as she glimpses her mother and her new sibling through a crack in the door. 

 

Ruri asks her if she will receive her token. “A token,” Sakura parrots dumbly.

The girl smiles, blushing beneath the smatterings of cinnamon freckles. “Yes. Here— we offer tokens to warriors who... who save Ladies.”

At the skeptical expression on her face Ruri sighs but is adamant. “You saved my mother’s life. I would like to offer thanks.”

”There’s no need or want. What would you know of my name?”

”A lot! You killed the rogues harassing our borders. They say it took one punch! The midwives, all of them swore this would be my mother’s last day. Her last... everything.” She clasps her hands together in emotion. 

(mother) 

carefully peeling off the sullied gloves Sakura tosses them, trying to put space between her and the girl of her gratitude. of her mother. Except, Ruri does not notice her dismissal or Sakura’s stiff movement. Sensing that the civilian won’t let this go, that she’ll probably be out here all day talking around this token thing, and not wanting to hear Kabuto bitch in his dumb ‘wise’ way, Sakura agrees. “Fine. As long as it won’t kill me.”

The girl titters, blush deepening further. “Close your eyes.”

Which is weird, and redundant if this is an assasination attempt (or an arm-ination, Sakura thinks bitterly) so even as she complies she’s hyper aware, the space between them closes and 

butterfly light pressure hovers above her lips, softly landing on the in seam of where the top and bottom lip meet. The kiss is chaste, though what it lacks in passion is made up in Sakura’s astonishment ten fold. She nearly shoves the girl away. (beautiful, strong.) miracle worker, godly amazing

“What was that for? W— do you kiss every nut who saves you? Diseases start ‘cos of that!”

 

Ruri laughs. “No, only the worthy ones. Don’t be embarrassed. Is there no custom similar from where you come from?”

“No! I—“ she hasn’t been also for words in a long time, partly due to the fact she and Kabuto hardly converse and partly because, there’s not she can say anyway. “Where’s your people I need some information,” she grumbles, resigned to the hot rash that’s surely crawling up her neck and pooling on her cheeks. Damnit. 

Would this girl be so eager to give her ‘tokens’ if she truly knew? Knew how easily she had abandoned her morals. No one will miss rogues, or missing nin for that matter. The Hunter nin well there must be someone, but she had practiced on them. At some point she had welcomed testing her abilities her Earthern healing—

Sakura is feared and revered. They hear the screams of her victims, the blood and dirt wafting, but do they know she heals every hurt? Again and again. Sometimes she lets them live. Heals every wound but one. Other times she heals a single wound and with a grin she leaves them mewling with life but on the precipice of the beyond.

She calls the domes Mud Huts. Her best work happens in them, truly.

(She’s saved so many lives)

(taken so many too)

Had Ruri assumed she’s the Healer? Because as interchangeable as their handles are, she is The Cutthroat.

They’re sufficient at both but word travels fast. Kabuto is bookish, heals ailing elders and the skinned knees of children. And she? She’s the face of their business, flashy earthen armor and she seeks out rulers. Crooked ones. Good ones. It depends on the money and information they provide because truly she has not forgotten her goal.

_a son let it be a son_ , Sakura sidesteps the girl, joins Kabuto and the father. Intentionally ignores the suckling babe and the mother (the mother) because. There is a reason they have come to this Lord’s aid.

 

 

Her arm... it’s slightly swollen from her prosthetic but compared to the first couple of weeks, it’s not much.

It looks unbearably ugly, odd.

All uneven and discolored. Sakura laughs bitterly at the thought of her mother freaking out over her forehead scar. “Hey mom don’t look now but I need a hand!” She strikes a pose, waving the member around in a mocking manner. Sakura pulls a tee over her head while maintaining eye contact with the reflecting jade eyes. _Who knew things would turn out like this_? Her mood dampens.

 

She runs her fingers over her lips as if to simulate the warmth Ruri had gifted her. They should leave soon, she doesn’t want to kiss anymore randoms. The whispers Ruri gave off had made the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. Not that they were particularly moving or special— but they intense never the less. And it had been over a dumb kiss.

Of all things.

 

What would she tell Ino? If, if she ever saw her again, she’d ask and Sakura would have to tell the truth. Sure a lie would suffice but Ino wouldn’t tell anyone, laugh until her stomach cramped sure, but never tell. (Sakura tosses and turns trying to reach a comfortable position. She used to sleep on her left side, left arm cushioning like a pillow but it hurt too much for that now.)

Her first kiss with a complete stranger— a civilian, ‘cos why the hell not? And then Ruri flipped the tables and said why the hell not with her lips on Sakura’s with a dumb tradition— _I’m not even that worthy_. If only Ruri knew what she did after they left the Lord’s estate. What she will do. _She’d regret being my first kiss than._

The Cutthroat, pondering her first kiss. With a girl. Missing nin gotta have ‘em too, apparently. She wonders who’d been Ino’s. Or Naruto and Sasuke’s. Those inept dill holes probably haven’t gotten any yet, and at least it’s kind of relieving to be the first at something in her team. Her mind strays to Shikamaru, the laziest dude in her year. Wonders if he’s bothered too or if he’d consider that too much effort. The thought is amusing enough to help her find a comfortable position and stick with it.

she goes on thinking of her old classmates, of the old times and how they are, before finally falling asleep.

 

 

She understands the theory of his regeneration jutsu— has studied it the way only necessity breeds. Her chakra reserves are astounding, above that of an average adult Shinobi, and once she may have been proud. Wow what an accomplishment. Now? It is nothing compared to what she’ll need, once she finishes perfecting the jutsu she’ll have to tamper with it— and she needs the cushion of chakra reserves in case things turn shitty. Kami knows Kabuto only has one good deed in him (and she cashed it in with the whole nursing her to health thing) so there’ll be little help from him she supposes. That’s fine, because she is close. So fucking close she can feel it.

 

The second year is bloody, because that is what life calls for.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tired asf at this point. There’s some hinting at why Sakura is on the run but not explicitly stated. Hope y’all enjoyed comment etc.
> 
> Might add more notes when I’m not tired asf lmao. Thanks to everyone who has commented so far it’s lit asf to read critique and compliments and I’m glad other ppl are interested in my work. Lol Issa mess but when i finish the whole story imma deep clean a bitch so it’ll be even more lit

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed, comment kudos and critique! Also I’m using some of this title from a book about foot binding and I hope no one minds (Ties That Bind, Ties That Break). It’s just... it makes sense to me because Sakura is burning bridges and cutting ties with others in hope to preserve her sanity. If I come up with something better I will for sure change it. Anyway thanks for reading :)
> 
> Btw it’s nonlinear- the second half is the reason leading up to why she broke it off with Ino.


End file.
